self-loathing: I hate myself and I don... - Anxiety and Depre...

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self-loathing

orchidmantis
orchidmantis

I hate myself and I don’t think I will ever stop. In the past I went to therapy but it never made the intrusive thoughts go away. I have extremely supportive friends whom I love very much but even when they reassure and compliment me, I don’t believe them. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and I’ve just now adjusted to being able to say “thank you” instead of just cringing when he compliments me. I hate the way I look and the way I act and walk and nothing I do is ever good enough. I live under the title of mediocrity. I sometimes can’t be friends with other girls because I can’t stop comparing myself to them to the point that it’s hard to be around them. I’ve tried saying positive affirmations or writing them on my mirror but nothing helps. Nothing. I was emotionally abused and neglected and had occasional instances of physical abuse in my childhood, and my parents are mostly out of my life now, which has taken a major toll on my mental health as I am in a major transitional period in my life when a lot of people rely on their parents. I struggle with self harm and I am on antidepressants which work fairly well for me, but nothing makes these thoughts go away. Sometimes I’m embarrassed to even be in public or around my friends or at work because I can’t stop thinking about how much I hate the way I look. If you’ve read this far I appreciate you very much. All love <333

4 Replies
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:) xx I'm glad you are here with us. Welcome.

I hate the way I look as well. I don’t believe the compliments people give me nor can I take them. I just feel like they’re only saying it just to say it to make me feel better about myself when I’m not attractive at all! I compare myself to others way too much and it’s a bad habit where I don’t even realize I’m doing it at times! You’re not alone. Everyone is beautiful in their own way but always remember that the most beautiful people have good hearts. It matters more of what’s on the inside than the outside. I understand how you feel. As a woman we are set to soo many standards that are simply impossible for myself to meet. Social media really has ruined my self esteem.

I feel the same, and I agree. Thank you for your kind words <33

Self loathing,

I have felt just like you for most of my life. I’m not sure if you talk/ or pray to God. What has helped me is realizing no one is perfect except God. God does not judge us. These people who are judging/knocking you are NOT perfect. What gives them the right or power for them to treat us beneath them. The answer is WE do. Take the POWER away from them and say I will focus on myself and YOU focus on yourself. Most people that abuse, belittle others have low self esteem. My brother, sister, and father have all made me feel worthless. My mom was my support and she just passed away July 13 this year from Covid. I want her to look down and be proud of me. Let your friends be with you, encourage, and support you. You deserve positive people in your life! Please try and love yourself the best way you know how. I am still struggling to let people in. I do truly understand!

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