Stuck in life and mind

[Shilpa08]

I need help I have been married since 1.5 yrs but I am not happy at all as i always compare and I am always jealous of others..I have no feelings for anyone in this world not even my parents...I am never happy and I have even tried suicide...there was a frnd of mine who is married and started talking to me and he wanted to have sex with me I also said yes but I didn’t do it ..I feel like I am whore...as I have many attractions towards other boys...I have no care for anyone no even my husband even if he dies I won’t care I guess...I am scared to have kids because I am mentally no stable...I have consulted many doctors but nothing happened...I have no frnds neither I am capable to make any new ones...I am very very bas person and I think I should die...as I have lost all purpose of living...I am always confused can’t tell what I feel...I have left my in laws house as of now and come to my parents but here also I am not happy and there also I don’t want to go..I am scared what will happen how I am going to live like this...please can someone talk to me or help without judgement

[HEATHER0981]

I'm so sorry you are going through this and you feel all alone. I wanted you to know that what you are going through, I am also going through. I don't know how to help fix this but I thought if you knew there were others with the same feelings as you it would at least help you to know that you are not alone. I try to take every day at a time - not reliving past and not fearing future. Just try doing one small thing at a time. This helps me from feeling hopeless. Sometimes even boost my confidence that I can do this. Not always, but on those days I come talk about my feelings. I also use an app called Wysa. It helps when it's the middle of the night and I am desperate for a talk down.

[Shilpa08 in reply to HEATHER0981]

Hii I am in India I don’t know if this app is here I will check...and I can’t tell you how much I think and I can’t just get out of my fantasy world

[JkBauer]

Good morning my friend,

I hope that you are feeling a little better since you posted your post here. I am so sorry that you are feeling burdened and lonely and that you feel that your mind is not cooperating correctly. - I have a health issue that I have been dealing with since birth that affects my mind and how I think, emotions, confusion and chaos and wanding that roles through my mind and also affects my speech everyday. - I have had thoughts of suicide in the past as well. I have also been on many, many different medications throughout my life time that have trigger all kinds of awful side effects in my mind as well. - What I have learned is that even when we do not think we have a choice, "we always have a choice!" Do you really truly want change and get out of that awful prison in your mind? I sure did! I chose to want to change my life. I wanted something better and find happiness,love, joy and peace for my life. So, this is how I turned my life around. 1). I had to choose to make a change for myself. 2). I had to find friends and family who were willing to help hold me accountable, encourage and support me. 3). I had to choose to take that first step outside of my comfort zone. Even though I hated how I was feeling I still feltsecure in it. I was stepping out into the unknown. I had to take a leap of faith. 4). I looked up to God for help as well. I told Him out loud, "I need your help, I cannot do this alone!" - Now I had established I was confident in choosing to want change in my life. I had a good support team behind me. I had taken that first step outside of my comfort zone and I have God to come along side helping me all the way. 5). Now, I had to pray and trust/ believe that God would give me the direction in which way I needed to go. I lifted up my thoughts in my mind to prayer to God and just said "help me Father, my mind is full of craziness and I do not know what to do, please take care of me.) As I continued to pray throughout the days, I had this desire to start reading the Psalms and Proverbs in the bible. I read 5 chapters of Psalms to one chapter of Proverbs every day. Then I was able to finish reading them in a month. My family and friends were right there beside me encouraging and supporting me and they started noticing that there was a change in my life. I felt like the burden in my life was starting to be lifted up. I started to feel more peaceful and happy, like life was worth living once again. I started finding purpose in my life and felt the joy in my life. - You have to take that first step to choose to want to help yourself make that change. No one can do that for you. Only you can and once you have decided that then people can come along side of you and help encourage and support you. - Also, what I chose to do did not happen over night, it took time and patience and do not be afraid of failure, it helps you grow stronger and there is always a different avenue that you can try or another door or window to open. I am praying for you!

Here are a couple of phone #'s that will help you get started and help you find the right direction to get started. - National Suicide Hotline - 18oo2738255 or - FOF Helpline 18553825433 / 18oo2326459.

[Shilpa08 in reply to JkBauer]

Hii thanks for sharing your story but I have no faith in anyone I am just into my thoughts all time

[JkBauer in reply to Shilpa08]

I am sorry to hear that. It is something that you have to choose to do, to take that step of faith. I hope that someday that you will choose to take that first step. God bless you!

[SuZQ154]

Glad you are posting! Please know there is HOPE! When we are at our lowest, we feel abandoned and alone. But we are here for you.

You might want to check out this book. bit.ly/3naJIUI I just suggested it to another poster and feel it might also apply to your situation!

Please keep posting... there is HOPE!!

[Grady80]

You have said you are not happy. Sometimes when we are not happy we think negative thoughts and have negative feelings. Doesn’t mean we’re bad people. You sound depressed and that is something that can be managed. The fact that you think you deserve to be punished says that you are not a bad person. Those thoughts and feelings are confusing you. You can find a happy place when you find out what helps you. Whether it be meds, therapy, improving your or finding yourself.

[Hidden]

Things change.

Hang in there. Keep us posted.

Maybe distract yourself???