Pressure...

[Chuupachuu]

I am in the middle of trying to completely remediate my house to make it safe for myself, my husband and my dogs to live in. We had a mold issue and I became very ill. Deathly ill. I am stable now, but doctors can't even begin to start to take the mold out of my body until my house is safe and done. My husband works full time from our house and I have to be in charge of getting this all done. At every turn people we hire either don't do their part of the job right, just stop halfway,bit don't show up. Walls have been knocked down, flooring replaced etc..... The problem is no one is dependable. And my health varies from day to day. We have drained all our savings and have taken loans out against retirement accounts. We are pouring everything we have into making our house safe. We haven't had insulation in our house for over a year. So our electric bills this summer were about $650 a month. My husband works craxy hours and I need just one other person to count on. Thought I had the helper I needed. But he decided to just not show up and is going to take it easy on unemployment. Every single contractor we have hired has messed up, left us with a bigger mess and set us back in time and money. We are losing all our possessiond and we don't care. We just want our house safe to live in. I feel like I just want to break down and cry. And I'm a strong person. I feel so alone. And there is no one else who can take over. I am under so much pressure. The longer this takes to get done the more permeant damage is being done to my body. My heart has been effected. I know have a pacemaker/ICD. My brain. I've been in and out of kidney failure. It is hard to get out of bed some days the pain is so bad. And I have no one to help. My husband is doing all he can. I just turned 34. Our plans for having a family have gone out the window. He looks to me for guidance on getting our house safe. I don't know how to keep going on when I feel so sick and EVERY contractor puts us farther behind. We don't have the money to hire out for everything that needs to be done. And I Know how to do what needs to be done, I just can't do it by myself. Why can't people just do what they say they will do . What they are hired to do? What about integrity and work ethic? Being a decent human being? It is all just too much. And my health is really starting to go down hill again.