Things have taken a turn for the worse

[Lycholko]

Last night,I finally called to get therapy for me. When my dad made supper and we were getting our food, he asked me if there is anything he needed to know. I said you don't need to know anything. He took that as sarcasm and said that he pays for insurance, trying to guilt me. He has been emotionally abusive in the past so this was nothing new. My sister than said why should he care because he was putting off getting me therapy in the first place. He then stormed out of the house. I know I talked about this in my last post but new evidence has come to light. I went to bed that night feeling okay. I've been having insomnia for 6 months but I actually went to sleep. I then woke up at 3 in the morning, extremely nauseous and violently shaking. I have to get up at 6 in the morning for school so I didn't get good sleep. The images of last night flashed in my mind at school all day. I was feeling suicidal on the bus and tried to text a crisis hotline. I was put in a waiting list and was never directed to anyone to talk to all day. As the day went on I felt better, but I knew I had to go home. I am scared of my dad. He isn't physically abusive, by I'm afraid of him becoming abusive. My sister picked me up from the bus stop and we sat in the car crying for a half hour. We then went to the grocery store to pick up her prescription and we just wandered for a while. She dropped me off at our house because she was afraid to confront my dad. I got out and talked to him, but he was still trying to convince me that me and my sister are to blame. I don't know what to do. I’m lost. I just want to die. I don't want to kill myself really, I am too afraid of death to harm me, I just want to kill the feeling inside of me. Can someone please help. It is going to be a while until I actually go to therapy. I don't know how I am going to survive.

[kfab2015]

If you are scared of your dad, got definitely need to confide in someone. Maybe someone at school? Emotional abuse has long lasting effects and it is not okay for you to be treated that way. I’m glad you have your sister for support. Killing the feeling inside you means dealing with your trauma which your therapist will help with. I am thinking of you and please reach out !

[Lycholko in reply to kfab2015]

I really appreciate your response. It is hard to find someone to talk to at school because I only go Monday and Tuesday and my friends go Thursday and Friday. I want to tell my best friend about the situation, but I don’t think she’ll understand.

[Cookie101]

One of the things that seriously helped me was learning about Buddhism. You don't have to become a Buddhist but the teachings are very practical and can help you to find real ways of managing your thoughts and feelings. One thing that it did change for me was how I understand the people around me. I don't know if it would apply to your situation, but would it help you to understand why your Dad is the way he is? Perhaps he doesn't understand that what he's saying and doing is causing you so much suffering? Perhaps he is suffering himself? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a common form of talking therapy. It's still better to speak to a professional therapist but this can potentially help you while you wait for your appointment. Finally, we're here, we all live in different timezones so you may find we don't all respond at once, but please talk to us if your struggling. Sometimes, it's a matter of talking it out rather than keeping it to yourself which can make the difference.

[pink318]

Hi- If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, try to contact your local church. Talk to the Pastor and he/she can give you spiritual advice. It’s important that you have someone you can trust and share your feelings with.

It’s good that you reached out. Feel free to post anytime, we are here for each other. I hope you will find comfort here. Take care. God bless.

[Lycholko in reply to pink318]

Thank you for the response. My sister did call the crisis helpline and we met up with some social workers and talked for an hour. They did help me. They are going to call, my school to let me have therapy sessions during school, since it is hard to get meetings after school. I will look into religion to try and help!