Screams

[Lex512]

I have always been the type of person to never really hear a scream in pain when my mom died I was silent when my best friend died I silently cried i have noticed when most of the people in my family the important friends I’ve made when they passed I didn’t scream out in pain I felt some overwhelming pain that I just couldn’t move or speak so I have never really known my screams of pain until today. I feel like I can’t even express how I am feeling to him. I try to calmly talk about the issues but it never seems to work he always thinks I’m out to get him or something. I feel like I am drowning inside most days and some days I am okay but today. Today I lost it on my way to work something in me just snapped I broke down and started screaming and crying in my car all the way to work. I keep asking myself why can’t I be stronger why can’t I stand up for myself why can’t I just be okay and not feel insecure and not feel like I’m worth nothing. I screamed so loud my ears were ringing for the first half hour of my shift. I feel myself falling deep into a hole so deep that I am looking up at myself the happier me waiting for me to figure out how to come back up. The screams I was making still play in my head even as I write this. My mind even somehow went to me ending my life in different ways what would happen what I would do where I would be I even thought about leaving notes for the people that I love but I know I should be thinking positively but doing that almost seems impossible. I just feel so broken so lost and so hurt that he doesn’t care about how I feel how things hurt me but most of all I feel so much pain and anger that I can’t stand on my own two feet and fight back. It’s like I’m a kid again helpless and alone.

[Hidden]

It sounds like you are in a bad relationship and emotionally exhausted. Maybe some time just to focus on caring for yourself for a while. Try not to let the screaming unnerve you... that’s how I reacted to emotional exhaustion when I was at my limit, untypical behavior and screaming. You probably need rest. You can get past this.

Don’t push yourself, don’t be down on yourself, give yourself a break, give yourself some care. Hang in there.