Does anyone know where there anxiety comes from?

[Mumma_h]

Mine comes from extreme guilt. Find it very very hard to distinguish what I should feel bad for and what I shouldn’t feel bad for. I’m told I’m a good person, Ive never intentionally hurt anyone,i overthink everything I say and do . I’ve never been told I’m not nice , so Im sure it’s not that , I’m not rude or anything. It’s very intense and there most of the time , even when I’m happy it doesn’t take much for those thoughts to bring me down . Like ; what if I’m acting silly ? Or what i just said didn’t make sense ? Or did I respond properly to someone’s needs ? I always felt different , I have very little confidence in myself.... I gave up on my own opinions most of the time years ago !!! I ended up in a very abusive marriage but it happened so slow and his words were so clever that I was so so confused in the end . I’m not a stupid person so how did I end up in such an awful situation. The fact that my children witnessed a lot of it haunts me day in day out , the guilt is killing me. It was mostly psychological abuse , so I thought I was just being weak or a bit of a sook . I still can’t shake it . It was so awful I can’t even talk to counsellors about it . How could I be so stupid , how did I allow this to happen. Praise god he left me , and has never had much interest in our children so he’s not around anymore , just the occasional text but it’s ok . The words he used against me plays over and over in my mind . My beautiful amazing children are everything to me , they’re my world , even though they’re grown 😆. Sorry this is so personal but this is where my anxiety comes from . It dosnt start with a panic attack out of the blue , my thoughts wonder or maybe something triggers it then I get that deep sinking feeling that I’m just a really bad person and that’s that . Please feel free to share , I don’t have much advice but can listen and please know that I understand what anxiety feels like . ❤️

[Hidden]

Hey!First of all, I am so very sorry for what you have endured.

Second of all, thanks for trusting us enough to share. I hear a lot of emotional pain. I have never been in this situation (thank God) so I won't say much. I'll just say that a therapist might be able to help you through those feelings. A good therapist would help you process the hurt instead of laying blame on you.

Why do bad things happen to good people? That is one of the big philosophical questions. I can tell you that it has nothing to do with stupidity, that's for sure. My pastor would say (and has said) that free will is a factor.

[Mumma_h in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for reply 😁. I did sort of start domestic violence counseling, because of the fact that I shut down with other counselors , and I’m aware of that , but then covid hit so it that one session it was all about getting the necessary information, and can’t go back just yet . I have a great pastor too and wonderful church family. I hang on to the though that god can forgive anyone, that keeps me going. Am looking forward to further healing. Just not there yet 😄🌤

[Hidden in reply to Mumma_h]

Yes, covid-19 has turned our lives upside down, that's for sure. I'm glad you have a good pastor and church family! That's so important! I always look forward to church activities (which are all online now). I honestly don't know what we'd do without Zoom!

You're welcome😊

[Mumma_h in reply to Hidden]

Im not great with technology at all , surprised I’m even on here 😄, so didn’t follow through with the zoom thing . For me personally, lock down was amazing. I was thoroughly emotionally exhausted so I wasn’t that upset when work said it’s ilegal for me to go in hahahaha . And lots of other pressures so it was a break for me. Feel awful for everyone else though . And very happy to back in my church family, they’re truly trustworthy people who always have my best intentions at heart. So good to have that isn’t it !!!!

[Hidden in reply to Mumma_h]

Hey, you're fine. I was just messing with you.Omg yes, it sure is!

For some people lockdowm is fine! To each his own. My husband loves his home office. Now, does that mean I love it? We have an Hdmi cable that he uses to project his spreadsheets onto the TV. In other words, I can't enjoy my tv shows. He's hijacked my TV! But I'm fine with it. It just means I can go to the gym more. There's only one problem with that: the gyms are closed. It means I can go to the shops more. There's only one....well, you get the gist. At least I can go for walks🙂

[Mumma_h in reply to Hidden]

😆I know you were messing around but I’m seriously that behind . Not Even on Facebook hahahah . Know the feeling, my son kept pinching the tv to play Xbox , for hrs .

[Mumma_h in reply to Hidden]

Ohhh thanx Minniemouse just realised it was you that replied 😃thanx so much 😀

[Hidden in reply to Mumma_h]

Damn, girl! Don't you look at that?🤣 (cheering you up)You are welcome!

[Mumma_h in reply to Hidden]

No hahahaha lol, im That bad with technology....

[Hidden in reply to Mumma_h]

You're fine.🤣 It just made me laugh, that's all!

[Hb2003]

Hello how is your son doing? I hope that your doing we I understand how you feel I always am afraid that I might say something wrong or rude so I always apologize your not alone

[Hidden]

Childhood .. state of constant fear

[mydog56]

my mom felt the same way, with my dad, and i felt the same way cause he did worst on me and her, and he abused me like her, and my dad other wife abused me too, so i understand this may be hard for you, and i understand you love your kids, but if you do not want it to kill you say to them, i do not want to talk about this right now.