Hi all,
I need your help. It is keeping me anxious and overthinking. My boyfriend is making a lot of money per month. He is saving it for us and our future. But on the other hand, he is spending a lot on him. We rarely go out to a restaurant or have food. Most of our dates are car rides.
How can i know if he is generous or not? If he fits as a husband or not!
Hi, from what you have just written about your boyfriend. I think you truly, deep down know the answer yourself, that's why you are feeling anxious. A genuine, kind, considerate boyfriend would never make you feel the way he does. A good boyfriend, would still take you out to the cinema and dinner, & still put some money aside for "your" future.
I'm just an outsider looking in, only you know the truth about your boyfriend and relationship.
I think you deserve better though xx
Hey, we rarely go to eat or do anything. We only go for rides, and between these rides we don’t get anything to eat on the road. He has been like that for a year. Before, he wasn’t working, but since June he’s been working and he has a good salary. Last time we ate together at a restaurant was at the first of august.
I think this is a tricky one to reply to without knowing your boyfriend. I have some thoughts though.
I think so far as generosity goes, you’re feeling that he isn’t very generous? I don’t know whether that makes him a potentially good or bad husband - is generosity the most important thing to you or does he have lots of other good qualities?
It sounds like he hasn’t had this job that long and previously wasn’t working. Maybe he is concerned with saving money for the future but also in case he was unemployed again? I also think it’s perfectly acceptable for him to want to spend some money on himself. If he hasn’t had a job for a while there are probably things he hasn’t been able to do/have so he’s now making the most of being able to afford those things.
Have you suggested going out to a restaurant or on other kinds of dates? What does he say?
If he doesn’t want to pay, do you have the money to pay for yourself? It sounds like maybe he could be a little more thoughtful and generous but it’s probably not best to be relying on a man for money to be able to do things anyway.
each time we are together, he doesn't let me pay for anything. but he doesn't suggest to go for places, he used to, but now he doesn't anymore.
I see someone else has also said something similar but I do wonder, seeing as this is a change and he hasn’t always been like it, if it’s not actually about the money? Maybe he is concerned about Covid restrictions? Or something else?
Have you asked why he doesn’t seem to want to do the things you used to? Might not be a financial reason.
About a year ago, and before i fell in love with him, he did those things, asked me for dates, asked to take me to places, but i always refused. so he says that he stopped doing these things because he got rejected more than once or twice. and now that i'm in love with him, i want him to do these stuff again.
It’s great that you’ve been able to talk about it and actually, it sounds like it’s not about generosity at all. He does offer to pay if you do go somewhere but seems unsure about asking you because of his own fears of rejection.
Maybe you need to think of some ways you could rebuild some trust/show him that you do love him and want to be with him and would say “yes!” if he asked.
You might have to be the one to do the asking for a while, to prove to him that you do want to do these things and won’t reject him.
And talk to him. Listen to how he feels and also explain the thoughts that have been going through your head.
we've discussed this issue together. About a year ago, and before i fell in love with him, he did those things, asked me for dates, asked to take me to places, but i always refused. so he says that he stopped doing these things because he got rejected more than once or twice. and now that i'm in love with him, i want him to do these stuff again.
Sorry if this is a dumb question, but could COVID-19 have anything to do with the type of "dates" you're going on? Maybe your boyfriend is feeling extra conscientious about eating out when there's a potential of catching the virus, which I would think is reasonable.
On the other hand, you clearly have doubts, and you should listen to them. Could you have a conversation with him about what expectations you both have about the household budget? Is the issue the money he's spending, or the fact that you're not happy with the way you spend time together? Or do you feel he isn't kind to you?
we talked about it, and he said that he stopped doing these stuff after i rejected him more than once. so it is reasonable.
Glad you could talk to home. I hope you can works things out.
how can i deliver the idea without fighting, or without thinking that i'm a gold digger or only care for money!!!
Well it’s his money what he made isn’t it ?i can’t help feel your being expectant!go hustle your own money !and what restaurants would you go to in this climate anyway what’s wrong with a car ride I don’t want to be rude maybe it’s just me I’ve got a partner but I’m soo independent and expect nothing except love and care I feel maybe this partner is just wrong for you !also you said he’s saving for you as well so what’s the problem ?he spends his own money on himself and he’s your boyfriend not engaged or married ?
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