Relationship advice. : Here's my... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Relationship advice.

dbeck128 profile image

Here's my dilemma.

I'm 23, he's 36.

We met a year ago in May.

I got pregnant and then boom.

All of a sudden we were thrown into this. We had stopped talking. Then picked up when I found out I was pregnant. Things were tough because we barely knew each other. And ended up moving in together b4 the pregnancy was over.. anyways. We dated from Jan-June with a "title". He kind of cheated on me, but I took him back. I moved into my own house after that. We have been doing really well but it still bothers me. His thing is now, he doesnt wanna "label" things. Hes never been into them. Like why not? Is this a guy thing? ... I dont know why? It's been a year and I feel like he should know how he feels.

Here's the catch. A year later, he still hasnt said I love you.

Why?

I dont understand what's going on. Hes almost 40. I feel like he should be ready to settle down.

What's your opinion?

Is this just a guy thing?

8 Replies

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think this is the first post of yours I have seen that let me know a little about you. I think this is your source of anxiety, maybe not the health stuff. I think that is a result. It's good for you to talk about this. Maybe it will allow you to address the real issue.

Gott work but I'll get back to you. Maybe I can help.

dbeck128 profile image
dbeck128 in reply to

Thank you. It definitely puts me under stress a lot of times

Hi there,

In my experience, relationships take time to build. A year is such a short time to really get to know one another. Don’t you think? It sounds like you are communicating, and that for me is huge. I don’t believe age to be the ‘factor’ in relationships, it is more about trust and being a good listener. I like to try and out-do my husband by trying to serve him more than he does me. It makes it fun for me to see him smile and know that he is loved. We both say thank you a lot for what we do for one another. I try and think of it like how I would treat anyone else that I know if they did something for me. That is just one way that we work together to build our relationship.

Congratulations, too! Is it a boy or a girl? I’m so glad that your boyfriend was supportive of you and is there for you and your child. I believe that is a great start towards building your future together.

Do you have any of the same interests? My husband and I love to go camping, going to church, or visiting family together. We laugh a lot, too! He told me at the beginning of our relationship that he promised to entertain me, and he does! I hope this encourages you.

dbeck128 profile image
dbeck128 in reply to Esther228

It just frustrates me seeing all of these other couples making advances and here I am with no label or commitment. i guess it just might be the age difference with that. Idk.

I have a little girl. And he loves her, so much. I'm glad hes around for her.

We both enjoy music together. We don't really go on dates. The most we do is out to eat. Every time I ask why he doesnt ask me to something other than that (it's usually fast food anyways and I end up paying for it more than half the time) he says hes not creative like that.

in reply to dbeck128

Why don't you be the creative one and make a fun date for you two. Don't worry about titles. It's the goodness in him as a father that counts. The rest will come.

Esther228 profile image
Esther228 in reply to dbeck128

I am so for marriage. So, I can understand why you would feel the way you do. Have you told him how important marriage is to you? Has he been married before or seen someone go through a bad divorce or breakup that has made him reluctant of making a marriage commitment?

Oh, I bet your daughter is such a sweetheart. I am so glad that he is a good Dad and that he shows her such love. That is truly special.

You might think about having a “Friday” night date night. It was always a lot of fun for us. We would go out to dinner (we take turns choosing), take in a movie, or just find something else that is fun to do. We like visiting museums and have found some fascinating places to take walks through. We also like to wander along in parks, visit the beach, or just sit outside in the backyard watching the birds fly around. These are great times for just laid back talking and enjoying one another’s company.

hi I met my partner in july 10 me from Glasgow her from London it was hard as I was going through a really difficult time and then it was only as friends.in august I travelled to London for a few weeks and that was the beginning of our relationship.she got pregnant within weeks but sadly it was lost.again she got pregnant in November and we had baby boy.we ended up settling in Glasgow and are still together but like you it happened so quick.its great that he is with you and being a great dad maybe he wasn't shown a great deal of love growing up or truly been in love before now.i hardly ever heard my dad tell my mum he loved her and they were married for 49 years.ask him about his commitment to the relationship he might just find it hard to express his feelings.

I don't think this is a guy thing. I think this is a thing particular to this guy. After a year I think most people would know enough to know if they wanted to invest more time in a relationship. What you need to ask yourself is...what is he getting out of this arrangement ? As you wait for him to come to a commitment you are getting more and more entangled . He doesn't have the luxury of taking his time. You and your little girl need consideration. You sound like a good person, a responsible person and you have a child to raise. I notice you said he loves her, not that he is a good father. Is he an involved parent? Before you decide to work on your relationship you better find out if you have one. Good luck to you dbeck, be smart. Pam

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