Relationship advice (part 2) - Anxiety and Depre...

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Relationship advice (part 2)

Thealchemist99 profile image

My bf and i are solving all the gaps in our relationship. He fixed the things that bothered me and he is gaining my love all over again. The problem is he asking me to take his permission when i want to go out with my friends. Also, he said that he can ban me from going to some places if he doesn’t like it.

Do relationships work that way?

8 Replies

Hmmmm, I don't know all the dynamics going on here, you didn't write very much, but that does sound very controlling. What types of things does he want to ban you from doing??? It's one thing if he doesn't want you going to a bar by yourself because he doesn't want other guys to try to pick you up, it's another if he wants to limit you hanging out with your friends. You need time to be with your friends, your life can't always revolve around him.

No. Healthy ones don't. However I would agree if you have the same right. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Permission, banning? These are very strong words something doesn’t sound right. You are not his property, you have free will, your own individual needs like friendships, your own interests, places you like to go, etc.

If he’s wanting to keep you safe, words like this don’t interject into communication. Sounds like control, but maybe there’s more to this not clearly explained in your post.

No.

Do you really need to ask ?

Sorry i didn’t make things clear enough. We communicated and talked about the matter. He says that he will ban me from going to a place if a guys he dislikes is there, or to a place he thinks is dangerous on me alone.

in reply to Thealchemist99

You go to places where there are other guys and guys that he knows? Covid-19 isn’t a factor for social gatherings? Do you go to places alone that are potentially dangerous?

‘Ban’ is your word, not his?

Trying to understand, are you in high school, college?

No matter the communication gap I’m reading, you respect each other’s boundaries in a relationship. Encourage personal growth and each other’s needs inside and outside the relationship. A healthy relationship does not flow like you described. Communication should be fluid and and with full understanding of each other’s needs, concerns, security, etc. The fact you are questioning what he means is a major red flag you two don’t communicate well.

I understand his concerns and he has a right to be protective of U, but the wording ban

bugs the crap out of me. How does he know if a place that U R going to is going to have a guy he dislikes there. Do U 2 literally exchange each others social calendars. As for dangerous places, I understand his protective nature but do U give him the 411 about everything. I'm not saying that U should not talk about your lives together. Also during COVID, where R U two supposed to be going. Seriously this is no joke. OK I live alone and do not have a significant other, but I have a confined area I travel to because not everyone is following the

social distancing and mask wearing !! protocol I live in the L.A. area and that is why I am extremely cautious. I do not know where U live, but think about what your boyfriend is saying to U and he is too controlling to be around. I'm in your corner Shnookie

How does it make you feel when he has that control?

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