How and when do you know its more than you think? Finding help but not sure what kind of help I may need? Begining of everything!!!!

[Halitheone]

I am just an ordinary person like you and everybody else. I am introverted extrovert well thats what I have been naming myself.

I moved in the states when I was 19, with great plan ahead of me but not everything goes as we planned. As you can imagine 19 year old all alone managing everything ( at least that's what I thought) growing up everyone and I mean everyone looked up to me saying she is gonna be someone but deep inside I felt like a scammer whatever person they portray me i have to keep up with that. Nothing special we all have that in our life I am no special case. I try my best to be realistic. Wondering what brought me here....

No i am not living my best life, havent seen my family since I was 19 i am soon be 32 now. Realizing my loved once are passing as I stay in my own bubble. Friends! ..... its a tricky subject. I am a single mom havent finished my school after community College. Went through horrible marriage and divorce leading to homeless shelter for 7 months. I walked out with nothing but if you could see me nobody would ever think. I dress nice i am posed, mature, fun. And I like it this way but again sometimes it seems like another persona I have to keep up.

This thing that I have been denying or just saying I m no special case its life suck it up pep talk getting out of control. I will be in one corner of my apartment just sitting thinking god knows what. Nothing productive, looking like shit like the world is scamming me that there is some happiness or comfort and I am so damn smart that I figured out its bullshit but I know it's not true.

I have 7 year old and I want to be the best mom to her i brought here into this world I should take my responsibilities. I have been dealing with those days 4-5 days of a week. The world is not waiting for me. I am soo sick and tired and haterate of myself. When it continues years and years I really have to do something. Unfortunately I have no family not a single person in this whole country. Its nobodys problem but mine yet it would've been nice to have shoulder to lean on.

Mental health frowned upon in my culture, it doesn't exist its sign of weakness i don't talk about it with my family. I really need help.... where do I go who I open up. During this damn pandemic no job and health insurance what the heck i do.

This dark thoughts and headaches gonna eat me alive which honestly I don't care. Why would i nobody is gonna miss me nobodys life gonna change because of me just my daughter and that breaks my heart. For her I have to try and for her I am here wondering and asking path. Hard to see things clear when i am in deep fog.

[Hidden]

You’ve made a great first step looking for a community platform where you can speak, be free of judgement and get support. So welcome.

When the baggage we carry around gets to heavy, when lugging it around is just too much for us to keep dragging it around on our own is when you know. Explore options available to you in the form of counseling, therapy, etc. In the US there is some mental health services available to low income families (google 211 and your state or go here fcc.gov/consumers/guides/di....

This community is a great place to receive support, ask for advice, etc. Post here anytime. Wishing you the best for you and your daughter. 🌺💜

[froggymom88]

Hello Halitheone! I think it is wonderful that you are first concerned for your daughter. That tells me you are a good mom. If you would like to talk to a licensed counselor you can call 855 382 5433. They may be able to give you some encouragement and direction. Remember that you are a special creation of God and have purpose. Sending you a hug and my prayers.

[Grady80]

I can relate to your situation. I had very few people in my corner as a single mom and with mental health issues, it was extremely hard. My children was my only motivation for anything really. I still feel guilt and shame for not being able to be stronger. I felt weak. It can get better but it can be hard to get mental health services without insurance it’s impossible depending on where you live. The fog can be cleared, sometimes without meds. It has not been easy by no means but it’s been worth it for me to get help. I’m struggling a little now because of this pandemic and recent trauma, but it is no where near what it used to be. I have the tools now to get back on track. Do you have public assistance where you are? Oh, also I’ve found this site helpful as well. It helps to be able to reach out to someone.