*Post may contain things that people in recovery might find upsetting or triggering. Please read with caution.*
I need help. The last few days my thoughts have been "cut or kill." I'm afraid to die so my decision has been to go to my blade. The marks are growing in number and at this point I don't know how I'm going to stop. I'm freaking out all of my friends which makes me feel even more terrible.
I’m sorry you’re going though this, can you go to your local hospital and see if you can get some help.
I have a mental health appointment in the morning. I'm just trying to make it through the night...
Just remember you are worthy of life and healing. I hope your appointment tomorrow helps. We are here to talk you though if you need it.
Thank you
WorshipGirl2000. Put that blade down. You harming yourself is going to do no good for anyone. You are already hurting, and physically hurting yourself isn’t going to help you at all. I’m not sure if you’re a Christian but please pray that God would take the evil desires that you have away. I rebuke the enemy! Do not allow him to have a hold on your life. You are a child of God a princess in his holy eyes. You do not deserve the cuts that your mind keeps telling you to give yourself. If they are too large a temptation, I urge you to have someone in your household put them in a safe place where you cannot find them. You are going to make it through this. Physical harm as a coping mechanism is very very dangerous. Pray. Journal. Deep breathe. Listen to white noise. Meditate. Please there are so many other ways to deal with what you’re going through. You are going to be ok but please I am begging you. Give that blade to someone in your family where it will be less of a temptation.
You’re in my prayers.
~Lia
Thank you for your prayers. Yes I am a Christian (a worship leader actually), but lately I seem to be losing hope. My anxiety is increasing, my physical health is declining.... I'm being mentally/ verbally abused at home. I know God has the power to be ABLE to change me. I'm losing faith that he is actually going to. I know he will do it for everyone else, but I don't deserve his love anymore... I've destroyed his creation...
Where in the Bible does it ever ever say “if you’ve destroyed God’s creation, he cannot love you”. No our God is a God of unconditional love. He is love. There is nothing you could do to make him stop loving you. I’ve believed that too. I went through a period where I was so deep in sin I stopped going to church because I thought yep. That’s it. God can’t use me. I’m too messed up and broken. But that is so far beyond the truth. Look at every single person God used in the Bible. David, one of the greatest kings who God specifically called “a man after my own heart” was an adulterer. But God forgave him. Moses had speech and anger problems. But God forgave him. Don’t you ever think that there’s anything you can do that will make God stop loving you. That is the devil who is telling you that.
I know where you’re coming from with few like God will not be able to heal. I’ve been having severe anxiety for 5 months now and there hasn’t been a day when I’ve not felt crippled by it. Every single day I wake up wondering how lightheaded I’ll feel that day. How bad the chest pain will be. I’ve asked God numerous times to take it away. To stop the pain and constant anxious thoughts. It wasn’t until I listened to this one sermon that I began to have a better understanding of why God wasn’t taking my anxiety away.
The preachers story was this: he asked God to have a closer relationship with him. As he was getting ready to preach one day, he began having horrible symptoms and when he went to the hospital, they ended up finding a brain tumor. That tumor meant medications to shrink the tumor and to replace his hormones and those medications shifted his life even down to the way he tasted food. So he wondered ok why isn’t God taking this away. Why did this happen to me? He realized this tumor had been the answer to his prayer because it became his crutch and the only way he could continue to on with his life was by relying on God. While he didn’t have that much dependency before, he now had full dependency on God because of the brain tumor that was inside of him.
So how does this relate back to us? Maybe God is putting us through this trial because he needs us to be more dependent on him. Every single day I wake up in tears and all I want to do is lay in my bed and do nothing but I can’t do that because I have school and a job. So my entire life now. All of the things I’m able to do is only because of the grace of God. I hate that this is how I’m learning to be dependent on him but just know that there’s a reason for this trial and you’re going to benefit more from it if you seek God constantly even if he is not giving you the answers. I’ve never felt God be so silent in my life but I realize that he is still there, allowing me to breathe and get up daily. So I continue to seek him even if I’m finding no answers and I encourage you to do the same.
If you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open.
Please also call or chat with the national suicide prevention line. They will be better at helping you.
tel:1-800-273-8255
Hi WorshipGirl. Please re-read the reply from TrustnGod until you hear her. How ever many times that takes.... She is right. 1st step is just to put down the blade.
I don’t have any words to help you, but will pray that God, gives you power, wisdom, and strength to put the blade down and call a hotline, and/or seek medical help tonight, like now—before it gets any worse.
I found a few hotline resources online specifically for cutting crisis / self harm (link below). I’m sure there are others. One is even a text helpline. I don’t know anything about them personally. Maybe you could try to reach out to one of these right now? Or call the hotline TrustnGod suggested... anything—but do something to make it stop. Come on—you can do it!!
seventeen.com/health/advice...
I'm trying! I'm sorry! And I can't give my family my blade.... Like I said above, I live in a mentally and verbally abusive household. If my mom even finds out I started touching a blade again, she is going to take her frustration out on me like she does with my seizures. All that does is make me want to die more because she hates me as much as I hate myself....
That must be an awful situation. I’m sorry for your pain. I pray you can find help, so that you will feel better.
Thank you. I hope I didn't come across as bitchy or rude... And if I did I'm sorry. I get really frustrated about my situation.
No worries about that....I can only imagine the frustration.
Your mom is not taking her frustrations out on you because she hates you. She’s taking her frustrations out on you because she sees how much pain your in and she can’t do anything to help. My dad is the same way. He can be very verbally abusive. But I’ve learned that his constant yelling and frustration is because what I’m going through is so out of his control that it’s difficult for him to cope. If you can’t give your blade to your parents, that’s fine. But don’t think for a second that your mom is frustrated because she hates you
Hi please don't hurt yourself any more than you are hurting already. You are very young at 19 so please give life a chance. Is there any way you can move out of your abusive household? I am in the UK so don't know about the system over the pond, but can you get help to move out into your own place? It seems clear you aren't going to feel better until you are out of there.
In the meantime just endure and things will change for the better. Hugs xx
We have a plan to move me in with my bio father but I have to file for/ get approved to be on disability first in order to have some sort of income.
Well hold on to that as you have hope things will improve. I am sure it won't be long now. x
I so feel for you..Please go get the help you are in need for you....you are very special, there's only one you...Do you know what's making you hurt so badly? I'll keep you in my heart..If you'd like keep me updated on how you are..I'm here for you... I'm wishing you peace of mind.....
Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy and groovy hugs!
Oh I read all of the replies...you are not deserving of being treated this way..is there anyone you can confide in? I'm here for you..
Dump trucks of love, epace, light, joy and groovy hugs!
My sister is my safe place, along with my best friend who lives in Reno. We have a plan to move me in with my bio father but I have to file for/ get approved to be on disability first in order to have some sort of income.
May everything work out for you...Keep feeding positive into your mind....you'll remain in my heart...I had 2 girls that cut...they recovered from it..you can to...I believe in you..
I'm here for you... Peace be with you...
Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy and groovy hugs!
Rough Patch...*Trigger Warning*
Fed Up (possible trigger warning?)
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*Trigger Warning* Miscarriage
