Divorce- Jealousy of New Partners

[GoodDadBadHusband]

Hey everyone, recovering from a rough weekend of little/no sleep due to constantly thinking about what my ex-wife was doing all weekend. I have my children Friday/Saturday night, so of course she is out with friends and it is none of my business what she has been doing. I seriously spend HOURS thinking about every scenario and it is absolutely gut wrenching. I can't think of anything else and it is driving me crazy!! How did you guys get over the thoughts of your ex-wife being hunted in the wild again?

I woke up today with this feeling that it isn't over and that if I focus all my energy on what is right, I might be able to get my life back again. However, I also have this feeling that it's way too late for that and I'm tempted to fall down a hole of Tinder or equivalent apps to find someone that will help take my mind off what my ex-wife is most likely doing.

I feel so lost and empty.....

[nonameforme23]

Just joined the same boat you are in. Not really sure how to deal with my emotions.

[Hidden]

Not an easy situation to deal with but falling into dating apps just to take your mind off what your ex is doing isn't the way to go really, you'd be better working on yourself first and focus your attention on recovery from over thinking.

I don't know the full circumstances but you could use another outlet to keep you from thinking about things you have no control over? like work or hobbies and just continue to come here and talk when you need to express your feelings, what your feeling right now is normal after a separation, especially if it wasn't you who ended it.

Hang in there, it gets better with time

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to Hidden]

I really have been trying to stay busy with my kids when I have them, work, and squeezing in some fun every chance I can. However, my mind just keeps circling back to those thoughts. This morning as soon as I opened my eyes, the thoughts just started rolling in and I couldn't even go back to sleep. I simply don't know how to keep my brain occupied enough with other things.

I'm doing all that I can to resist the dating apps, but it is extremely hard to just meet new people right now. I don't enjoy clubs and bars and virtually all of my friends are married or in relationships so they aren't much help in getting back out there....

[Hidden]

All ur thoughts r normal.

Maybe u can meet with ur soon to be exwife n discuss all of what is on ur mind n possible reconciliation?? At least then u will have a definite answer n u will know whether its time to just focus on u.

Dont forget ur kids in all this, as kids feel the changes n r affected greatly.

Biggest thing..surround urself with positive supportive people so u can deal with whatever direction this goes.

Best to u.

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to Hidden]

I actually wanted to sit down and talk with my ex-wife yesterday about what I'm going through and how much I'm struggling. She almost instantly shut it down because she thinks I'm trying to pry into her "sex life" again and that is none of my business. I asked repeatedly that I just want to talk privately (kids and family were around at the time) and she had no interest.

This hurt me even worse as I still consider her to be my best friend and one of the few people that I can talk to about all of this. Now it seems she is turning her back on that, so I guess I am just a free babysitter and slave that keeps things done around the house.

[Hidden in reply to GoodDadBadHusband]

How long have you been separated if you don't mind me asking? Just that it can take a while for your emotions to settle. There's nothing wrong with dating apps...I just think it's often best to give yourself a bit of time first, but hey we're all different and some are ready to date again sooner than others

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to Hidden]

We have been more or less separated since Dec of 2018. However, it was all over the place in the beginning.....I was living at home sometimes, then with my parents, then back home, then in the garage (lol), then finally completely out to an apartment.

I would say that her starting to date other people just started in the last 2-3 months.

I really am NOT ready to be dating as I'm still very much in love with my ex-wife and would get back into a relationship with her in a moment's notice. I don't think that mindset if fair at all to start meeting other people, but I'm not sure what else to try to numb that pain.

[Hidden in reply to GoodDadBadHusband]

Sounds like u got ur answer from her as to where ur relationship stands.

As far as a free babysitter n etc..."THOSE R UR KIDS",so it shouldnt be looked at it that way..ur just hurting right now.

So..now its time to focus on u n what u want in ur life.Personally..adding Tinder n dating apps now is gonna make ur issues worse.If ur not in a good head space..imagine what ur gonna attract.!?

Maybe focus on u n ur kids.

[Solarm in reply to GoodDadBadHusband]

It sounds like she's already checked out & is obviously no longer interested. The best thing you can do is accept it & focus on yourself. It's time to move on. Keep yourself busy, that helps a lot. Take it one day at a time, some days will be easier than others. All the best to you.

[All_alone]

Your screen name starts with Good Dad. Use that first part of your screen name to the utmost to your children. Be there for your kids first. I feel your not a babysitter or slave since you are their father. Reading thru your replies it sounds like she is moving on with her life. Im sorry you are in this marital position but her sex life is private. From a womens standpoint, if you go on a dating app please be honest and upfront in your profile as to what you're looking for. So many profiles are misleading and I would hope you don't want to hurt another person by leading them on. This is just my thoughts. Good luck and be good to your children always.

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to All_alone]

Thanks for the reply and I really was trying to imply that I feel like I am a "tool" for her to use now rather than a friend. I very much love my kids and enjoy the time that I get to spend with them. They are the focus for both of us. The slave part comes in because I am still expected to keep up with the house that I no longer live in. I am expected to do virtually anything that she asks, but I get nothing in return and furthermore, I get shut down when I ask for anything....or at least that's how I feel.

For now I am going to stay away from the dating app. I'm not ready for another relationship as I have so many feelings for my ex-wife still. I would not be able to give anyone the best version of me so I will keep working on myself and try to get my emotions in check.

[All_alone in reply to GoodDadBadHusband]

Good evening. I see your point now on the slave part. That is totally unfair and hopefully you can discuss this and feeling like a tool with her without bringing other concerns into the discussion. Im so glad you have a good relationship with your kids. I also like what you wrote in the last paragraph about not being able to give the best version of yourself right now. That is why I do not care to date right now. I barely have anything to give to myself let alone someone else. Stay strong and keep talking on here. We all need support.