How can I live with no hope and in this much pain?

How do you live without hope? When your physical pain is to the point you can't even think, you have asked thousands of girl's, even buying the pros, and not worth one conversation. And your anxiety is so bad the moment you think of a girl your face and limbs go numb. How do i live knowing there is no one uglier, more abhorrent than me, that not one thing about me has ever mattered to one girl. And that I'm in so much constant pain all I want is a hand to hold. I'll always be alone with this pain till I die, how do I cope knowing I'll never be worth 5 minutes to any girl no matter how fit or rich I become. How do I live knowing being a music teacher, only wanting to help others my whole life, isn't worth one conversation to one girl? Not one thing about me has ever mattered, I'm short ugly and anxious.

[Hidden]

That seems mean to assume I don't love myself. I'm the only one who loves me, I'm the only one who is willing to give me a chance. I realize how much kindness and good I do, I know how talented I am on my instruments, I also know there has never been a single girl who cares. Not one. No one has ever known a girl willing to just try and be my friend, so that I may work on my anxiety around them. And I've literally asked thousands and thousands online, I paid over a thousand dollars for the pros to ask on my behalf after my suicide attempt. They couldn't get one conversation going either.

We know for a fact there is no one uglier. We know for a fact I'm completely unlovable to women. Not one has ever cared who I am. Doesn't matter if I love myself or not. How do I live being in this much pain And knowing I'll always be alone without hope?

[Inthedark23]

Sorry you’re feeling this way, do you have any friends or family that you are close to and can talk to? Or just grab some coffee? Spending time with those people who are close too may help you

[Hidden in reply to Inthedark23]

Thats kind of you to suggest. Yoy can only waste so much of your family and friends time. What do I do for the other 23 hours of unbearable pain and dealing with the knowledge there isn't a single girl out of the billions willing to even just talk to me. How do I live with this much pain all alone forever?

[Inthedark23 in reply to Hidden]

If your family member or friend was in need of a helping hand would you see it as a waste of time?

I know I wouldn’t. But I also feel like I am wasting other’s time.

You can not value yourself based on how you think others perceive you. I know it sounds cliche and cheesy but you first need to love yourself. And it seems you are being very hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself. That voice in your head need to speak positively about you

[Inthedark23]

I know it’s hard, it’s something I go through every day. Thinking I am never good enough and nobody loves me and I can never measure up. It’s debilitating to feel so much negativity. So i tell myself i will treat me nicely even if nobody else will.

[Hidden]

First off..u havent found the right one for u yet.When the right girl comes along u will know it.

As far as the constant pain.Ive lived more than half my life in severe 24/7 pain n add tons more serious med issues..so i get "not having hope",but..for me ..it got to the point of "enough is enough" n im not letting this win.With that mindset i started to make my own hope.

U just have to get to that point. Trust me..when u do..it will come natural.

[Hidden]

Thank you for replying. I'm sure in another decade or two a girl will become desperate enough to give me a first chance, but who knows how many years and years that will take. I'm 31 and no girl has ever cared what I'm doing with my life. No matter what I say or do, I'm never even worth a conversation, let alone friendship. Last girl I tried talking to in person was at my college and the next day I got a report I broke into her car and molested her. I didn't, thank God for cameras in the college parking lots, but I know if you even try to talk to a girl with a mouthful of anxiety, they will call the cops and ruin your life.

No one has ever known one girl willing to just sit with me to help me with my anxiety attacks around women. And thats what my silly therapists say i need, positive interactions with a girl. We know for a total fact I'm not worth even helping to one girl on this planet. I'll never get a chance to be human again, to be able to walk out my front door without almost feinting. No amount of pills help when i see a girl.

I think you're totally right. There is no hope except the little you lie to yourself about each day. Just try and distract from the pain as usual until I'm allowed to die.