How to stop putting myself the last

[Lixus]

Hi there y'all! Hope everything is ok and you're having an amazing day!

So I've been realizing for the last week that I'm doing something that is good but is very bad for me in long term, I like to help people around me if they need help, I'm always trying to be very supportive and try to understand everyone's points of view but I've realized that, because of my fear of not let people down, I'm starting to lie about things I want, like if someone ask me "is this thing I'm doing ok for you, do you feel uncomfortable or something?" I will say yes even if I don't like it, like, I don't wanna get people angry or something because something bothers me like smoking or annoying sound, loud music... So I end up saying to people that I'm ok and they can keep doing that thing that bothers me

Also because I'm always trying to help people, sometimes I can't stop doing it, like I have to do something or I'm busy but even if I can't do both (study and help someone for example) I will say I can help if someone ask and I won't do my job in order to help others which is why I say is a bad thing, 'cause I can't control it and I can't "help myself"

Any advice?

[Hidden]

This helped me. Maybe it will help you. It is so brave to reach out and to know what it is you need, even if you dont know fully.

Make a realistic plan to start to implement what you can to create a gentle life for yourself. Start small. Have self compassion and self care.

Self compassion is treating yourself as a friend with care and kindness. In order to heal or change something we want to we have to be able to know what we know to be true, and to feel what we feel, without becoming dysregulated– overwhelmed, enraged, ashamed, or shut-down.

Self-compassion helps us safely approach what is going on inside so can we start to befriend, rather than obliterate, our internal world. It helps us face those heartbreaking and gut-wrenching feelings, giving us stability which leads to self-agency and self-trust. Compassion is a really amazing thing. We think of it as being empathetic and caring, but there’s another big component to it too. It also causes people to find solutions and take action.

When we give all of ourselves to others we can loose ourselves and then in the end we cant really be there in a healthy way for anyone including ourselves.

[Lixus in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your words, I reach a point where I know I need to do something in order to be a "better friend" to myself, although I don't know where to start with, I'll spend some days thinking about it though

[BlueSky125]

First off you have done great in realizing this is an problem area for you. One thing that helped me to make progress on this was to acknowledge what my motivation was. It wasn’t to help other people, it was to feel better about myself by getting people to like me and give compliments and so on. To feel accepted and fit in. An attempt to increase self esteem and confidence.

[Lixus in reply to BlueSky125]

I think the reason why I'm always trying to help other people is because I want them to like me, I mean, of course I like to help others and I'm indeed a supportive and empathic person, but I think the thought of "lack of social acceptance" I'm afraid of is what is driving me to difficult parts of this, like forgetting about myself and that kind of stuff I wrote about in this post