Advice on how to stop replaying events in your mind

[Beachcomber75]

I'm sure I'm not the only one but no matter how much I pay attention to my thoughts & try different techniques I can't seem to stop replaying unpleasant interactions in my head. I work in a very competitive environment. The actual work is very challenging but I can accept that. The thing that always gets me is two coworkers. They are constantly complaining & talking trash. It has gotten to be a very confrontational environment. I've worked my whole life & I realized a long time ago that the day shift is always gonna complain about the night shift & visa versa & not to put too much weight on things because they don't realize each other's circumstances. I fully believe this & 100% stand by my work ethic & choices but yet I keep replaying all my interactions with them in my head. Kind of like stating my case over & over. I know I should just "not listen" & let it go but I can't help myself. I catch myself wasting my thoughts on it all the time & was wondering if anyone had any tricks to "change the channel"? Thanks in advance!

[Absmister]

Have you tried mindfullness meditation? You learn how to take control of thoughts and just simply be. It's a skill to learn. You have to train your brain just like any other muscle in the body. I use an app called headspace. After using the app for a couple of months, 10 mins a day, I can do it on my own now. Didn't see any results for a 2 weeks or so, but I just seem to do it naturally now without having to focus on it to much

[Hidden]

I like what Absmister mentions....mindfulness is enormous. The key is every time you begin to fester back on a thought or, in this case, your work, you catch it and return to your focus on the breath that you do during mindfulness. Your mind could wander a hundred times in those 5-10 minutes, but if you're catching it and returning to the breath, it actually begins to rewire the connections in the brain to focus on the here and now rather than what good old Raphael was confronting you with at work.

This also goes along with leaving it at the door...and that goes both ways. Where I work, they promote robots....being one. You come into work, a very aggressive and stressful environment, and are expected to be stoic whether your dog passed on or your significant other threw you to the curb. Not very helpful....but I like to do the same on my way out. I am not bringing this crap home with me. Maybe I had a bad day and "Joe" was trash-talking my work...I am not bringing home that baggage because our time away from work is sacred.

It can be really tough to change the channel on days like that...some people turn to vices such as drinking, but it's a temporary solution. Mindfulness really does wonders in helping a person shut down all thoughts other than the here and now. It's a practice or a discipline in my eyes...like karate. But it's my mental karate to fight all that loud noise that tries to follow me home. I think it's a great recommendation...there are soooo many apps on smartphones (Calm, Headspace, 10% and many more) and they can also be found on YouTube with guided mindfulness sessions.

[optimuscoolbeans]

I also agree that mindfulness has helped me tons with regard to the constant unpleasant video in my mind There are a lot of apps that can teach you these techniques. Or books that will go through the skills. The happiness trap is a good book. Pacifica is a good app. Hope this helps and encourages you.

[Southwestsunshine]

Personally I enjoy all kinds of meditation with a free app called Insight Timer. They have tons of meditations to help calm your mind and body.

[JapaneseFuton in reply to Southwestsunshine]

Just found Insight app and it’s great!

[marheart]

Your last sentence gave us the answer--- see yourself changing the channel to listen to a different program with a new theme.

It's worth working on it for a week to figure out how to fine tune it.

Thanks for suggestion

[knittingninja]

Beachcomber75, I don't know much about mindfulness, but I do experience the same re-playing of events over and over in my mind from various areas of my life- especially work. I don't know why work events bother me so much, but they do. A technique I learned recently is what is called "worry time". You first, save ALL worries for worry time. Keep telling yourself you'll worry about it at the designated time. This is important. Then, at "worry time", set a timer and think, or journal about what you're worrying about at that time- get it all out. When the timer stops. Stop worrying and save the worries/rumination for the next "worry time" session.

It seems simplistic AND - It took some time, but it has become effective for me. Hope this helps. Best wishes.

[Beachcomber75 in reply to knittingninja]

Thank you. I'll try that. I like that it's pretty simple, don't have to worry that I'm meditating wrong😉.

[Beachcomber75]

Guess the masses have spoken-mindfulness it is! I have tried it before but wasn't very successful. I didn't use an app though. I'm on vacation next week so I'll get an app & put in some effort. Thanks for all your responses!

[Hidden in reply to Beachcomber75]

It took me awhile if I'm honest. I was an enormous skeptic. But one night my heart rate went up and I felt the anxiety creeping in. I decided before using Xanax, I would try the mindfulness. My heart rate was in the 120s....and about four minutes in, I looked down at my Fitbit and I was in the 80s. The ah-hah!!! moment truly makes the difference. I can get stewed up about work as well, mindfulness may not do it all. So maybe another idea would be is to write down all the annoying crap at work that day. Take that paper and set it on fire or, even easier, flush it down the toilet. Shred it and recycle it. Consciously make a connection of letting the paper go as you letting all that crap go. It's destroyed, gone, and look forward to starting anew. I know it isn't easy letting go in a stressful place you're at daily, but whatever baby steps you can make towards a different perspective, perhaps that might be the better answer.

[Absmister in reply to Hidden]

I agree, it's not a miracle cure and I rarely do mindfulness now. But it's just about making you aware of another way to think. Makes you see things from afar, easier not to get wrapped up in the little circles all of us have. But to get there, you have to practice. No rest for the wicked!

[optimuscoolbeans]

I haven’t tried the worry time dealio. But that also sounds like a good idea. I’m gonna give that a try.

[Dreamie]

I recommend a book called Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. This book is an excellent guide to what mindfulness and meditation is (it also has great techniques to try and guided meditations). And I’ve found just reading the book to be uplifting because it has helped me understand my mind better.

It stinks to work in a negative environment. I personally have had to move on because of the negativity at work before. I tried many techniques to avoid getting affected by it but sometimes after you know you’ve done everything you can and you’re still miserable the best thing is to look for a better place.

I wish you the best Beachcomber75! 💗

[Absmister]

This page is my new Wikipedia for meditation!

[Coralrose5]

This happened to me yesterday I had a rough day at work and I kept replaying my frustrations over and over again in my head and I was so angry I couldn’t sleep so because l slept poorly I called in sick today as a mental health day and I zoned out and just took some time to myself and I feel better. I’m not doing any self-care meditation and or therapy so I need to start doing those things so I have a Mindfulness app and I just set myself some notifications throughout the day to meditate and walk, breathe.

It’s so easy to get caught up in that I’m so busy mentality that I don’t have time for anything but if you don’t take time for yourself your body and brain will just take it for you and you’ll break down so I have to schedule it and like anything else

[Hidden]

I know what you are talking about. In my case, it was trying to deal with my stepson's wife who started verbally abusing me, and my husband and his son sticking up for her. I would go over and over the interactions in my head the first thing in the morning to the last thing at night. I started catching myself, and I began replacing those thoughts with ones important to me and helpful to me. It takes time to develop this habit, but it does work. I have not tried meditation, but since other posters have recommended it, I will try it. Hoping your situation improves for you with these recommendations.