Does anyone have uncontrollable bad thoughts?

[LeeFamilyEst1618]

This is my first time going forward with telling people about my medical issues. I think I'll try and get it all out. Until now only 2 people know any of this.

When I was 9 I was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome. I honestly was in denial until adulthood. Having to go to school, eyes twitching, mouth opening wide constantly. Always blinking and making vocal tics etc.

Didnt have any friends outside if school let alone in school. So of course I'll become depressed from that. That turned into social anxiety.

I later in life started to have seizures, some say stress seizures. Which I suppose is possible for me. I as of now and seizure free 2.5 years.

So here is the hard part. When I was 16, I started to not hear voices, but rather my own. In an uncontrollable manner. It would be thoughts like "something bad will happen if you dont put your shoes this way" and just that but with anything I do during the day.

I remember I decided enough is enough. So when my thoughts told me to do something a certain way or something bad will happen, I ignored it, and I had a bad day. Coincidence....maybe. But as soon as I put my shoes the way I felt I Had to, my day got better. So imagine how that stuck with me.

I am 40 years old now, since I was 16 every single day this voice in my head, my own voice. Telling me I'm going to die etc. Everyday, every hour. Non stop agony.

There was a time where I felt that if I said god dammit I something bad would happen, and it seemed to work that way. I believe we came from somewhere, but I dont know where. I just knew that if I didnt say sorry I would die or something bad would happen.

It goes Way beyond what I'm telling everyone. And this was super hard and I hope I find someone who can relate. I felt like my brain is wrong.

[Celtic27]

Hello and welcome to the group, I've just read you post you've definately had a long and varied medical history! Have you seen anyone about your current issues and if so has your doctor been of any sleep and have you got a good support network you can call on (friends or family) I wish you all the best if need to talk just message me good luck david

[LeeFamilyEst1618 in reply to Celtic27]

Only my tourette's has been treated. honestly I dont know what kind of doctor to call for the thought issues.

Thank you for your support. At first I was nervous to see the reply. Glad it was positive.

[TailWags]

You know, I have had thoughts in my head like, if I don't do this a certain way, something bad will happen. And I thought it was only me. In my case, they concerned me at the time, but I got so I would just mow over the issue. Still get some twinges of concern every once in a while, but I can usually get over it.

Interesting you mention Tourette's. I have a pretty good twitch on my left side that sometimes forces air out of my lungs and I make a vocal noise. It gets worse when I am tired or stressed. My sister would call it my Tourette's, even thought that isn't what it is.

Anyhow, we have something in common, even thought your situation sounds more defined and severe I wish you the best.

[LeeFamilyEst1618 in reply to TailWags]

I think what made the thoughts stick with me was the coicendence of "something bad happening " during the time I have the intrusive thoughts.

[Sasical]

Hi

Yes, I have something similar. Two things happen to me. One is that when my anxiety is high I sometimes think for example if I'm on the balcony that I will loose control and jump off, not that I want to do it but that I just will or for example when I'm at the train station that I will jump in front of the train. I have spoken to all my friends about this and 2 or 3 have the same thoughts, so not that uncommon.

The other thing that happens is that if something good happens to me I think it will be followed by something bad. For example, I just landed my dream job, so I then think something bad is going to happen.

I have recently learnt this is called Magical thinking and for anxiety sufferers it's a coping mecanism.

I have put "accept the good stuff" on my phone screen.

So basically in my case it's all anxiety and in your case it probably is too. You should probably see a doctor who knows about anxiety to help reassure you.

Good luck x

[LeeFamilyEst1618 in reply to Sasical]

Hello! The balcony, I am that way also. Anxiety is high, and more stress around you. Maybe when those thoughts arise, but you know you wouldn't actually jump, then maybe it's like a stress reliever, like cursing! I've been stressed before to where I would say "I'd wish I'd die" (so hard to actually type that) ofcourse i dont mean it. I'm glad you wouldn't really do it. Forgive me if I am confusing

[SunRhyze]

Hi LeeFamily. I can relate to your intrusive/negative thoughts, though, I don't think mine are as frequent. It's oftentimes over big decisions too, like when I wanted to move. I couldn't get past the thought of moving and switching my daughter's school and learning at some point in the future that the new school would be hit by a mass shooter. Then I would have to live with the guilt of knowing my decision to move and put her into that district cost me her life. Things like that. . . but frequently. Like, if I realize she forgot her phone and is gone, that is the day she'll be abducted and have no way to reach out for help, etc. I also see all the little things in my home that need to be done, and, yes, everything has a "right" way to be dealt with. If I don't do it the "right" way, it will eat at me and cause me extra anxiety and stress until I am able to deal with it properly. However, the little things don't add to dread like the bigger issues do. Ok, so I feel that I am rambling now. Sorry. I also reached out because my husband has Tourette's, and I have not yet found a resource that can really help me within this relationship. He isn't nearly as introspective as I am, so, sometimes, I feel he doesn't even know himself as well as I've come to know him. . . but I still need help. His Tourette's leads him to rage and say things that are (in my opinion) unforgivable. Yet, he expects me to shrug them off due to his disorder. At the same time, he is not very forgiving of my anxiety that primarily weighs on Me and Me alone--not our relationship. I just thought I'd reach out in case you have anything you'd ever like to talk about. It seems we maybe could bounce ideas and experiences off each other.

[Hb2003]

Hello yes sometimes I get intrusive thoughts mostly because of depression at one point I was about to go insane so I had to talk to the counselor I would hear voices of people telling me to go 😵 my self it was horrible but that was a few years ago I have learned to mute them also it might be OCD too