Not living just existing

[Angiemarie259]

I'm Lonely, have panic attacks so depressed at times. Cry all the time please need someone to talk to.

[HearYou]

Hi Angie! What would you like to talk about?

[Agora1]

Angiemarie259, Just existing and not living is not what life is all about. We've all been where you are, lonely, depressed and crying. Wanting someone to talk with but someone who really understood. Well here we are dear.... A group of men and women of all ages who care and support each other through their experiences in life's journey with anxiety.

Anytime you need a friend, we are here for you because We Care xx

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much, I'm so confused at this point. I'm abused by my husband. I'm.scared to leave . Every time I've tried he loves me in. I'm not able to work anymore, I'm a cancer patient with MS. He won't fix my car, can't even visit my dad or son who's in navy.

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Angiemarie259]

Locks

[Agora1 in reply to Angiemarie259]

Angiemarie259, I am so sorry to hear all that you are dealing with. But I'm glad you came to this forum. You will find many like yourself who are abused emotionally by their partners who may be able to give you some advice. Keep coming onto the forum, you will get our support and comfort. Hugs, Agora xx

[Jacquelinechristina in reply to Angiemarie259]

Hi through your contact with Doc's etc can you get help to fix your car ,in UK we have ms society with volunteers ,if you can ring me group they may find you a volunteer to help you get out l know it's difficult to make phone calls and say what's wrong but if you can't maybe your doc or a friend or sister or brother or family or email a help line .you can report your husband ,they would take you somewhere safe ,you can do it ,you don't need that !when you coping with me and cancer ,of you Google you will find a helpline ,we here got your back it's a English saying ,keep posting we got your back

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Agora1]

Thank You, I need friends that will be honest with me! I'm all but ready to do whatever. I'm tired of being a clown

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks so much

[Fee8 in reply to Agora1]

Hi I am the same I left an abusive marriage I used to be confident rush though the city to my job coffee in hand. Now I don't go out I fear all the time. I want that woman back but fear she is gone. I'm taking sertraline but nothing happens. My GP said medotate?????? Sodding breathing in and out listening to CDs of whale noises. Your not alone love there are many unheard voices out there

[Agora1 in reply to Fee8]

Fee8, you are so right in that we are never alone. One look at this forum proves

that there are many who suffer and struggle daily with mental health.

I went through many years of my life being afraid of everything and nothing.

I became Agoraphobic for 5 years when anxiety overwhelmed me that I thought

I had lost myself.

I wanted the person I was to come back. I never doubted for a moment that she

was gone, I just didn't know how to do it. With counseling as well as finding other

tools on my own, I worked on myself and started to believe that I WOULD come out

of this existence. I started with accepting that this was anxiety and nothing more.

I started to believe in myself again. I knew what I was capable of being before anxiety

torn me down. I wasn't going to allow it to continue controlling my life.

I found that daily meditation 3x a day or as often as I needed it, helped immensely.

Along with deep breathing, I started to move forward and no longer stuck in a limbo.

I got off my Benzos am on Lexapro only. I use my own will power and have found my

way back again. I no longer just exist, I live. xx

[Fee8 in reply to Agora1]

Oh I'm tearful as so happy for you. I'm great at helping others but crap at helping my self. You are a wonderful servivor I sat with strangers at an airport in Spain for 7 hours on my escape I would rather go through pure terror of sitting with them than him. He's a lovely man never hit me but abused mentally and emotionally and financially. I'm happy your seeing the light darling I just wish in my heart I could. I'm 54 two children who I ran to and 2 amazingly wonderful grandchildren. I asked the eldest "are you happy"?? She said god gangan we have you back. I crumbled as thought I wish I could be back

[Fee8 in reply to Fee8]

There is nothing worse in this world than feeling and knowing nothing can help I'm alone penniless but someone said that I was so rich I said "why"?? She said you have no money most of my friends are rich and have nothing. I said all I want is to be loved for me but I'm so depressed I don't know who me is. I wish I had your courage darling.

[Agora1 in reply to Fee8]

Fee8, it's not about courage as much as it is about survival.

We only go around once in this lifetime. I refuse to become something

that someone else needs. I am my own person. I deserve to live my

life without fear. We support you and will walk the walk with you.

One step at a time. There are many on this forum going through the

same issues as you. We learn from each other's experiences in life. x

[Fee8 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you but I feel its too late I'm in a bad place at the moment I don't have any fight left. I can't see any light at all my gp says meditate?? That's fine if your mental state can relax mine ticks every second

Of every hour I don't sleep I think I don't walk I sit and think even now its 5.02am I still think. I want to be strong for my grandchildren so I put masks on of happiness and fun but when they go I crumble. There is no magic wand . I'm alive because of them I'd of killed myself if it wasn't for them two beautiful girls 13 and 9 they are why I breath sometimes I wish they were not here or my loving family I'd just end it then the GPS with their unempithetic faces could say "awe".... NEXT.

[Agora1 in reply to Fee8]

I didn't realize it was so late where you're at. This certainly isn't helping

you fall asleep. I won't give up on you if you don't give up on yourself.

We will talk again. Remember the forum is your outlet to your thoughts.

Goodnight dear. xx

[Fee8 in reply to Agora1]

Yes its now 5.33am in uk still awake thank you for your kind words x

[Agora1 in reply to Fee8]

You're young Fee8. Changes in our lives are always possible. You see your husband as a lovely man however mental, emotional and financial torment is

still abuse. Maybe worse than physical abuse because the scars are deep and

hidden. No one, man or woman, deserves to be abused in any way. We all

should have the right to live our lives without fear. I'm glad you're here on this

safe site, at least you know we understand and support you. You are important

to us. I respect who you are. Sending you gentle hugs. Agora1 x

[deea21]

Hi angie . I understand your feelings ...

[Angiemarie259 in reply to deea21]

Girl I'm about to lose it

[deea21 in reply to Angiemarie259]

I know ... I do that a lot lately unfortunately. But also I’m damn coward even to do something. I just hurt myself really bad to get better. This life sucks.or is damn hard to understand the paths

[Angiemarie259 in reply to deea21]

I cut not long ago, first time.

[Jacquelinechristina in reply to Angiemarie259]

He Annemarie l cut to o ,firstly did you wash it well and put plaster on ? I know alot of people don't understand it doesn't stop as for a little while it takes the pain from ones head to ones body .sometimes if when you feel like doing it and l know it's a overwhelming feeling to want to if you can go out in your garden if you have one and not take the cutting tool or post here ,anything to take that opportunity away l know because l do it it's a relief but maybe you can post here if you feel like it and we can talk to you until it goes away .can you listen to music loud or shout about how you feel it works as often we think look at me you don't see me lm in pain .don't worry what others think try to find something to do like if you have a mental health line to call or a friend ,if they say oh dear oh dear just scream and say try getting into my head and then tell them while you doing that you not cutting and feeling alone l know my support worker knows l do and say if you need to lm 60 so a old codger but please bath it stay away from dangerous areas but also post here lm in UK so l don't know if you can text but if you can l can give you me number when you feel like talk to us

[Angiemarie259 in reply to deea21]

You have friends, we're all here for each other. You can always call me.

[Honeycomb_]

I can always be an ear to listen. Know that you're not alone in this. I think I cry almost every day to be honest, I cry so much my nose gets raw and I have this killer head ache. I puke alot too when my anxiety hits. You were made in this world for a reason, and although you may not see it, you are a precious gift in this world. You are very brave for getting help and opening up to others. You got this.

[Fee8 in reply to Honeycomb_]

We need to help each other no one really understands

[MJVM]

I feel the same way you do. My husband does not take my illness serious. So, even though he lays beside me, I am alone. Right now we got each other and some more people.

[Want2BHappy3]

Hi I know how you feel....have you tried listening to music or do volunteer work? That's what I'm gong to do, it will keep you occupied and the people will be your company. Hope you feel better 😊🙏

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

It's almost impossible to leave my home. Really is crazy.

[Jacquelinechristina]

Hello Angie Marie how are you this morning l know mornings are difficult to get through ,? Are you on medication? It's great that you can talk to us on this site ,we are here for you and your not alone ,sometimes just writing it down is a big step toward and a good moment.l have depression at times and it's my dog that gets me out of bed even if l walk her crying ,crying is a way our brains help us to cope and it's okay but know if you are post her because we will pick up ,for sure .do u have a chance to write in a diary what you feel or get some paints and put colours down on paper that you feel like or a face it helps to place your feelings a bit further away .of there's something you have thought you one day want to do even to walk in peaceful place think yes one day l will and it's like getting some hope back from being depressed ,have you tried going out with someone in places where you have attacks and they can cushion the incase thing .l do advoid places like crowded places or noisy ,what are the ways panic attacks occur .any way l hope you are okay today we are here ,say post anytime l watch out for you

[Rosa09]

Hello Angie, I know life can be hard at times, I too have suffered depression for a long time, had lots of upsetting things happen in my life, lost my mum and dad, my marriage ended after a total of 33 years of being together, and a 15 year relationship has just ended and I am left living on my own. I have a grown up daughter who I see every now and then and a sister who I can visit. BUT you still have to come home to an empty house. I understand the feelings of just existing and trying to get through each day. These are my problems but what about you, why don't you tell me whats happened in your life for you to get to this stage, we can chat together and try and help each other. Do you have anyone to help you through this. You are not on your own, get in touch with me.

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Rosa09]

504)382-3617 can't talk when he's around, plz text first. Ty

[Angiemarie259]

Hi Rosa& Jacqueline, Thanks for the kind words. I'm gonna explain a little of the situation, first I'm a cancer survivor had colon cancer was always very strong minded and didn't depend on anyone. I had a son to raise on my own, then took in.4 children whom we're siblings and raised them almost 3 yrs, my son of course his 18 yrs he then graduated and join Navy. I got ahead myself sorry, When I found out I had colon cancer I was 31 yrs old. I refused treatment and had to have a total of 5 surgery. Okay met my third husband 21 yrs ago, right after I bought my home well about a year after, we didn't marry until three yrs ago soon to be 4. I fell on alot of unhappy times since 2004 hell yr for me well the worst besides my cancer. My only child whom was my everything left for Navy, that was so hard, my house was in my mother and stepdad name, I was told get rid of my fiancee or they would sell my home. Yes guys my mom's a B. Well in July 2004 right after my son left my home was sold. That freaking killed me, Don't think I ever got that drive back that I had before. I worked hard to buy my home. I somewhere lost myself and turned to over taking my meds. Well 12 yrs ago kicked that habit. That's the yr my husband first hit me, shoved me into a nail on the back of the door. Yup fool here lied to cops for him.. mistake it's never stopped. Physical abuse and verbal abuse, he's sorry he gets away with it. I was recently diagnosed with MS I started having seizures as a result. Besides neck surgery and surgery to remove serious skin cancer. You know I'm not a person that complains at all, I'm the one who holds it all in until I can't breathe, you know the clown! Cry in bathroom or myself to sleep. I'm a nervous wreck all the time, look I'm not allowed to go to my father's for a weekend, if I even start to leave it's a big problem. I left last week to go by my cousins for 2 days yes got hit cursed my things broken. I can't do this anymore, I'm waiting on my disability and to the question of having anyone to talk to, I got real distant from friends and I'm home always. I went help my cousin but can't talk to her like this. I did have a few hobbies water painting, singing on an app called Smule also fixing up older furniture! I got put down so much arguing all the time over it, cause it took to much of my time. I just wait painting first, then smule second and no more fixing up and selling furniture. I'm so use to being alone, I talk to myself,answer myself, mostly put myself down. I was diagnosed as Dippressive Disorder, I'm ADHD and really sick..

Don't want pity at all, just need friends y'all, advise

[Angiemarie259 in reply to Angiemarie259]

I'm also having severe panic attacks.

[Rosa09 in reply to Angiemarie259]

I am really sorry it sounds that you have a lot to deal with, but you must have that strength inside you somewhere to overcome all the illness and abuse. Are you still with your husband/partner if you are is there no way out for you or somewhere you can go for help, even the police if the abuse is so bad. Verbal abuse can reduce you to nothing, there must be help out there for people in your situation. I wish you all the best - but keep chatting to me or anyone else on here, its a way of getting things out of your system and just having someone else to talk to even if it is only by text.

[KrierandRosie]

You are very pretty. You will easily find someone else. It just takes work. But you have to find someone totally different. That is a mistake I made. I kept choosing the same personality type out of habit, I guess. The same type equals the same result.

[menagerie11]

You have so much on your plate to deal with. You must be a very strong person to have gone through what you have and still keep trying to improve your circumstances. You must be resourceful and creative. Use those gifts to break free the abuse and get yourself into a safe situation where you can accelerate your recovery. All the best!

[Hidden]

Hi are there any domestic abuse helplines you could call they might be able to help with temporary accommodation and offer you emotional support to get yourself out if this situation. You deserve so much better I wish you lots of luck always here if u need a chat. Xx

[Shutterbug65]

Hi Angie. Just came upon your post. Your not alone, I know how it feels to be alone. Anxiety and depression have caused me to isolate myself, and through the years my family and friends just stopped caring. They got tired of my excuses. Your not alone Angie.

[Want2BHappy3]

Hi Angie, Sorry on how your feeling. Anxiety is a tough thing to deal with. Its hard to find someone to talk to who can understand what your going through. They just want you to get over it? I know how you feel, I cried a lot this morning, not enjoying life. I'm In bed all the time.

I have a grandson that I don't spend anytime with who's growing up SO FAST.

My finances are in the toilet and my mom is very ill. I'm feeling lonely too. My kids isolate and critizie me as a way to deal with me. That's hurts a lot So becarful when talking to someone about this?

Maybe you should seek counciling? They can prescribe medication for you Thats why I write on this site everyone understands what we're going through Good luck

[Hidden]

I know just how you feel. Never knowing on day to the next how you'll feel. That's me