Unable to make big life decisions and small ones day to day

I am really struggling deciding which route to go in my life and its bringing so much frustration and also negative energy which is annoying to say the very least. I feel like my only answer is enlightenment sometimes so I go about seeking that in spirituality, but that seems like an endless game that takes too long. I've been also told that it's a compulsion. I don't know at this point I have been told different things by different people and am lost. I am just so angry that I can't do better for myself. Lastly, when something happens to me that triggers me and makes me wanna make a decision that's when therapists say it's OCD and not the way to make a decision yet it's like, well when the heck am I able to make a decision. I'm considering spending 10 days mostly in contemplation until I can make the most sensible decision. It may be something I do but wouldn't look forward to it because that is also pretty intense..

[Myre]

I am a vessel for information. Yeah no, I am too unable to make the most basic of decisions and don't trust myself one bit so I listen to everything anyone says. My life is a one way street; I hear, I see but I can't seem to reciprocate and/or contribute. It frustrates me cos I can't be certain of anything, what I think or what others say. I wish I could be a guru and suddenly spring up with a solution right now but other than that I am not at all sure what that is, I am guessing it will just be another case of say, listen and doubt but I've got this weird technique that has proved to not be entirely useless. When the nerves engulf me, I calm down by blaring music through my earbuds, watching a sappy completely unrealistic romantic movie or my favourite, falling asleep. Essentially I surrender, rather than holding desperately onto the reigns of control, I eradicate any thought or feeling and just allow myself to flow with the vibes. Depression and anxiety can be characterized by the loss ot thought or repression of feelings. Then we ruminate, attempting to figure out why we feel so empty, forcefully grasping at remnants of feeling when the apathy hits. I realized that my method places me in a state of tranquil, letting down those hackles, the armour that has managed to blur out my personality allowing me make decisions in this rare state of mind before the next wave hits. I don't give much credit to meditation but I guess this is something of the sort. Most effective for me are those few dazed minutes after I wake up, my mind is sluggish and I am not on guard.

Hope this helps, take care.😊