Just kind of here.

[GrayGoose66]

I’m just kind of here. I saw my therapist and she had some good points today. I’ve been working from home since March 17th, and I have to go back this week. I know I need the structure of going to the office every day, but I really have become accustomed to not leaving the house. I really don’t want to go back. I work in an office full of woman, and while I, too, am a woman, I don’t participate in the chitchat of the office. Our office moved while we’ve been out, and the walls will literally be down at my new desk. We’ll all be huddled right there together, hearing each others’ phone calls, lunch choices, chitchat. I listen to music all day while I’m working and used to just use earbuds. I’ve bought earphones to help block put some of the noise. I don’t mean to be antisocial; I have work to do and I have ADD ears. Music is my white noise. I know I need to get back into a routine and leave the house. But I really don’t want to.

[SunIsShining]

I feel that so much. Does your work know you suffer from depression? Maybe you could ask to be slowly reintroduced into work so go 2 days a week and then the next week do all of your work online/from home except for 3 days a week. The structure is so important though and the best way to get back into it is to just begin. The longer you stay at home the easier it’s going to be to just stay there. An object in motion stays in motion and all of that

[GrayGoose66 in reply to SunIsShining]

No, I haven't told my employer and I'd prefer not to. That's just me. My employer sees me as their Go-To. The one who they can call when the poop hits the fan, when someone drops the ball, when the sleeves need to be pushed up and things need to get done. They were extremely supportive when my mother committed suicide. Two of the partners talked to me individually about their personal experiences with family members (one who completed, one who didn't), and they were extremely understanding when I had to drop everything a couple months ago when my brother made that difficult call and I drove him to the hospital. So, I'm sure they have an idea that I probably have some sort of mental health issues since my mother and brother did/do.

The staff had to go in today to help clean up and/or help move some of the smaller items. I had 3 people hug me (with masks - as we both declared I hate social distancing), and then the group came to me with questions and looking for guidance. That helped with my not wanting to go back. It was nice to felt needed. It reminded me that the depression was lying again in telling me that I'd be better staying at home and it would be awful going back. <3

[SunIsShining in reply to GrayGoose66]

I am the same way, even my family doesn’t have a clue about my mental issues. Just focus on your strategies- using music as a way to cope with your anxiety and focus. If you’re having more problems take them as they come. This is a new situation and nothing bad has happened yet, as issues arise you’ll take them as you come