Self forgiveness

Hi,

I am wondering if anyone out there has a very hard time forgiving and giving yourself grace. I can forgive or overlook what others say and do to me, but I can’t seem to do that with myself. I find this just fuels my depression and am trying to work on it, but it seems like such an uphill battle. I have started to cut people out of my life that have repeatedly hurt me, because of what they say and how they treat me. It causes me to just feel worse about myself and increases my depression. My husband is reluctant to support me on this so I question if I am right in doing it.

[marsdream]

I struggled with that too. When I was younger, I cut out friends that had hurt me. But, I learned to move on and make new friends that were there when I needed them. I did manage to keep some solid, grounded friends from my youth that just tell me honestly when I am close to the edge. When you are writing about self forgiveness and cutting people out of your life, it almost seems like your self preservation kicks in. I don't think that it's a bad thing, just don't cut all people out of your life. That would not be good, because humans are social people that need connection. Since you are dealing with depression as well, you need to speak with a counselor to work through some of your issues.

[Hidden in reply to marsdream]

Thank you. I have only cut out the ones who aren’t supportive and I am seeing a counselor. The therapists are the ones who told me to forgive and give myself grace. I hear it and understand but doing it is very hard for me, I continue to work on it.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

You don't forgive other people for their sake, but yours. Holding on to anger or bitterness is not healthy for you. I agree with cutting toxic people out of your life though. Maybe you need to learn how to set boundaries? Are you working on that in therapy?

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Not sure how to set boundaries with people who think they can say whatever to you. I have finally utilized my right to not to be around people like that, and have cut them out of my life.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Good.

[lovetodance2018]

Forgiveness is such a hard thing. However, it can eat us up alive inside and cause bitterness and pain. One thing I have learned is to be open to others perspectives and be empathetic. Sometime people say the wrong thing but they believe for the right reason or have good intentions in mind. Confronting the person in a loving way is important. However, if they can't understand your perspective, I agree it may be time to take a break from each other. Here is an article (bit.ly/3iWLS7u) that might be helpful in this area. I struggled for years with forgiveness, especially to my husband. I would think about things he did to me in the past because often the same behavior was repeated and would remind me. Someone once asked me does holding on to the unforgiveness and bitterness, bring any value to my life. That advice really helped me, learn to let go, forgive, and decide if it is worth continuing with having a relationship with that person. I will be praying for you. Know you are not alone. Many of us struggling with forgiveness. Hugs and God bless.

[lovetodance2018]

How are you doing this week with forgiveness? I have been praying for you. Hugs

[Hidden in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you, some days are better then others. When my anxiety is worse it makes everything hard and the thoughts come and turn in my mind. I need to see my therapist again, but due to schedule conflicts will not be able to until the 2nd. I think it was helping more than I thought. It is very nice that you are thinking of me.

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Hidden]

I am glad you are going to reach out to your therapist again. Sometimes, we think we are doing better and we stop to soon therapy or medication. I pray you will continue to get the help you need and find the tools that help you with your anxiety. There are two resources that have really helped me with my depression and anxiety. One is called Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers (bit.ly/2QrrEXl), and the other is a sermon on The Battle is Not Yours (cutt.ly/1fdHvGs). Both help you realize there is a battle that goes on within us and our mind, but we don't have to be in the battle if we take our thoughts captive and learn to let go. I will continue to pray for you and feel free to reach out to me anytime. We are here for each other. Hugs