All over the place

[Bluetj]

Ok everybody I am all over the place and this post is going to reflect just that. For days I have felt the need to write good bye letters to family members out of fear that I will not be on this earth to much longer. I've been thinking about how I have heard people say your can't die from depression and anxiety. Let me see, speaking personally, my depression and anxiety keeps me so stressed out, I disagree. I have constant body aches in places on my body that have never hurt before. I couldn't have a visit with my therapist today because my insurance switched and I didn't know it. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. I want to run to ER but for what, if its my time, they can't save me. I don't know what to do. :*( :*( :*(

[zperry4]

Hey, just try to slow down a bit, I think you're getting a little a head of yourself. I'm sorry about the insurance thing, I've been through that in the past few months with OCD therapists and it's a nightmare. But it's nothing you can't get through.

Aside from the insurance bs, what's been worrying you lately? I think it's really good that you reached out on this site, it's good that you're self-aware and that you care about yourself enough to pay attention to these things. What's been leading you to feel depressed?

Hope you're well.

[Bluetj in reply to zperry4]

Now that is a million dollar question. I have no idea how I got to this place today or even in general. The only thing I know is that I am so sick and tire of being sick and tire of going thru this with no answers. I stay more stressed out dealing with the depression and anxiety than I do anything.

[zperry4 in reply to Bluetj]

I hear that, so frickin much lol. I've been a wreck the past five years, often just trying to manage those two like you said. Well, even just right now, can you try to think of a few things that are buzzing on your mind, or if you think about the upcoming week things that have been messing with you?

I know that usually, self-esteem problems, excessive worrying and forecasting, and chronic disappointment are big ones for me. But I know that everyone's different.

[Bluetj in reply to zperry4]

I don't think about the upcoming week because I can't get out of the moment. My biggest concern is when my next depression/anxiety attack will hit and where will I be at. Will I make it thru it or will this be my demise? Everything with me revolves around the depression/anxiety. When I don't think about it, then something happens like my head starts hurting or something physical and then there it is.

[zperry4 in reply to Bluetj]

Yeah I get that, it's really awful how it just hangs over the whole and sticks on everything it touches. Sorry to hear you're feeling that too.

Was therapy working when you could pay for it? And aside from that has anything else ever helped in your case?

[Bluetj in reply to zperry4]

In all honesty, therapy only gives me someone to talk to, keeps me from feeling alone for the moment. To really answer ur question, nothing really helps. 😔

[zperry4 in reply to Bluetj]

That really sucks and I know the feeling. In my experience, learning and reading more about the conditions had really helped. Also regularly talking about it on sites like this and others, just to get it off your chest. Meditation is good. Let me know if anything does work, and best of luck.

[Alwalc]

Hi. I understand how you feel. There is a saying I try to live by. It is, "you cannot control the wind, you can only adjust your sails". If you repeat it to yourself enough, it may become easier to accept. I also lean towards the serenity prayer in times of hopelessness.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you feel like that. I believe your ocd is from your stress level. I do the same when I am stressed out, my therapist called it a defense mechanism ... I also had the same thing with my insurance not informing me... Had an appointment with my Psychiatrist on a Monday and they called me on Friday and informed me... I was so mad and freaked out, it was also to get my prescriptions filled too!!! It passed and worked out fine.. I believe we all know and have had the same things happen on this site... I am not making small of your issues, they feel big. But worry doesn't change things, it just makes you sick.. My Husband always reassures me that no matter how bad it is, it is only temporary, nothing is permanent. No one can fix things for you, sometimes we even think we can't either... But, we can and have to learn to live a better life for ourselves, we have to stop beating ourselves up ... Some where inside all of us, we are good people.... Find something you did that amazes you. Find glory in that , hold on to it !!!! Remember you are loved by someone and no one wants to loose that AMAZING person that you are... You can and will overcome if you try hard enough and don't give up... WE ALL DESERVE TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE !!!

Read : There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

By: Portia Nelson...

It is an inspirational book. Helped me, hope it will you... ♥

[lovetodance2018]

I am so glad you reached out here. You are not alone. We understand the struggles with depression and anxiety. I agree having someone who understands and can relate to our struggles is helpful. Depression and anxiety are illnesses but they are not who we are. I had to learn that. I also had to learn to focus on my good days and not wait for my days. Journaling really helps me keep tract of how I am feeling, reminds me that I do have good days, and helps me to be aware of my triggers. I am sorry to hear about your insurance. There are therapists that allow you to pay based on your income. Christian therapists will work with you. Also, are you on medication for your depression and anxiety. What truly helped me is finding the right combination of medication and counseling. I had to learn to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself; especially on those days I am really struggling. We are here for you so reach out anytime. You can also pm me if you want to chat. Praying helps me too and keep my focus on other things than my depression. I will be praying for you. Hugs and God Bless.

[lovetodance2018]

How are you doing this week? I have been praying for you.

[Bluetj]

Thx 4 the prayer, still a mess but God will get me thru as always.

[lovetodance2018]

Yes, He will, just remember to stay focused on Him, not on feelings, emotions, or depression. Chandra Pierce is a Christian Comedian who struggled with depression. Here is her story. I hope it is encouraging to you as it has been for me. bit.ly/2MLuepj She also has great YouTube videos on the subject just look under her name and depression.

If you ever need to chat feel free to pm me. Hugs and God Bless