Leaving the abuse behind

[Survivingtheworld__]

I have to move out I cannot live like this I can not thrive as a person living with my mother. She’s been on drugs my entire life I’ve never once known what it was like to have a sober mother because when her high came down she’d become aggressive and then get high again. Is it sad that I like her better high? I forgive my mother for everything but my trauma hasn’t. The anxiety has been here since I’ve became consciously aware at about 4 or 5. There was so much violence in the home that I’d get stuck on the toilet body ridden with stress and anxiety tmi sorry and I was only a little girl. I became paranoid and anxious and than developed anorexia and restricted foods I thought I was insanely fat but when I look at myself now I was insanely skinny. Developed insomnia stopped sleeping for 9 months. Developed ocd was paranoid someone was putting hiv in my food. And now I’m here wishing to die I gave up hope. I’m having dreams that won’t go away my sleep isn’t enjoyable. I lost the love of my life due to borderline personality traits yet to be diagnosed. I’m at the end of my road. I’m lonely. I lost my religion due to being unfaithful i guess this pain is my punishment . Why go on.

[Mcats]

Hi, it sounds like you're going through a lot. Wow, but I understand growing up in insanity and never knowing what to expect. I have lots of the same problems you mentioned: stomach, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, depression. I was wondering if you've heard that there is a group of people who meet whose lives have been affected by people who abuse alcohol and drugs? Anyway, you're not alone. If you'd like to know more about the group I mentioned, message me. Hang in there.

[Survivingtheworld__ in reply to Mcats]

Hi thank u for ur response and I’d love to learn more about the group!

[Kelly_xoxo]

100% relating to your words. Im so sorry for your lifelong pain and struggles. Just know you are not alone in almost every word you spoke about. Its unreal how similar our experiences are. Minor differences, but so very similar.

My heart is with you, and understands your pain 💜

Know someone is thinking of you

[Survivingtheworld__ in reply to Kelly_xoxo]

Thank u so much hun my heart is with u also!

[Kelly_xoxo in reply to Survivingtheworld__]

thank you!! 😌💜

[benmaise]

Your not alone dear friend. I know what its like to grow up in a home with a father who could be drunk and very nasty. I remember being really anxious as a child and constantly worried about everything, I can't remember much happiness at all. I am an old lady now and still very anxious and worried about everything. Please try and get some help. Now I have a nice life , with two adult children and one grandson. Even though these bad things are still in my head , I still manage to be mostly happy. I do hope things get better for you soon.

[Survivingtheworld__ in reply to benmaise]

Thank u so much and I’m glad life has gotten better for u May peace be with u

[Littleone88]

Wow that was hard to read 😓

stay in there & stay strong there is better days to come: Sending love xx

[Cat_cat44]

Me again, replied to the 2nd one before this one; so sorry you went through those things, I can relate as I went through childhood trauma as well. But there is always hope. First that's really strong of you to forgive your Mom. I pray one day she recovers. And I don't like to ask but have you tried therapy? It really helps to get it all out to someone that may give you hope. And as you said in your other post, you now found your faith again. That's great. So did I and it made a great difference. May you receive great happiness& peace. You deserve it!!

[Hidden]

It's not your fault it's that mother of your s ! Decades of garbage from my mother. Now she feels bad because I have no relationship with my girls ! I have had a life time of pain and misery now I thinking of me I thought I wanted to but when I came so close to death last year I don't want to die I'm glad I pulled through. I am still alone a lot but now I like it! Don't let a horrible person make u feel like nothing 💖

[Mary-intussuception]

It isn't your punishment.

You are Beautiful, Precious and Loved.

You have come through so much - you will live up to your name.

May God Bless & Comfort you , and show you the way forward - guide you day by day on the path of your future.

xXx

🌹🌹🌹

[saraherich96]

I’m a social worker, currently studying for my mental health masters degree.. and I can tell you it is very normal for children of addicts to prefer their parents when they are high versus sober. Because when they’re sober, they are mean. BPD is hard, really hard. But you are loved and worthy of recovery. I assure you that no higher power is punishing you. I don’t believe in a higher power but if I did, I would know that it wants only the best for me, no pain. So remember your higher power wants the best for you, and if religion and faith is something that helps you, you can always go back to that. I am sending you so much love and light.