I just go out of an 11 year abusive/toxic friendship

[Rey_Canyon]

When I was in 6th grade I had little to no friends transferring schools until I met (Lets call him Brad), Brad was bullied and was a bit of an outcast. Despite this Brad came to me and became my best friend, of which we would hang out all of the time and even though after 7th grade we weren't in the same schools anymore we remained friends for 11 years to now. As you can guess by the title we are no longer friends as in the past 5-6 years he was no longer the Brad I met (also it should be of note Brad is bi) When brad came out as bi I saw him I was very excited as I myself was and still am a closeted bi trans female, I came out to Brad and i was immediately told that I was lying and that I couldn't be who I said I was and thus was the earliest sign of him feeling he has to be either different of better than me in some way. Eventually he accepted the fact that I was bi and trans but despite me asking him to use she/her with me he would go out of his way to refer to me as he/him. He would drag me through all of his relationship issues and try to use me as leverage on multiple occasions. And if I ever opposed he would rally my friends of which I had made almost all of through him as I remained introverted as he became extroverted, and he would turn said friends against me with false info about me which would force me into silence. He was there for me but only when he needed to be, and when he was with me it seemed like he wanted anything else as he would never really pay me much attention, as an attempt to remedy this I found myself getting into more of his hobbies to try to connect with him better. However the emotional and mental abuse would continue with him continually manipulating me to remain his friend and stand by his side. I learned right before I cut him off from my first ex of 4 years that the first year of our relationship, Brad had manipulated her into going on a date with him and doing things that would be considered cheating as well as seeing messages between the two of them where Brad begged my now ex to break up with me when we had just started dating. Earlier this year I had another significant other of whom Brad had manipulated his way into having a sexual encounter with before the two of us began seeing one another which I was told was consensual but I later found out to not be the truth and ended up costing me the relationship at the time because I stood by such a person. I was well aware of his predator like behavior and the way he manipulates people as I was truly one of his longest victims, things such as me calling him out or trying to stop being friends with him would result if him threatening violence against me while guilting me into apologizing to him after he showers me with mental abuse even threatening to kill himself over me. Not only this but Brad would often inappropriately touch me in public and with friends claiming it to be a 'joke' and that it didn't matter because we were bi, however I felt very embarrassed and violated every time and he gave me no room to show venerability towards the issue even when I asked him privately. I was so deep in his toxic grasp feeling trapped by time and the fact that I experienced most important life events with him and I began to defend his horrid behavior ur, something I deeply regret and take personal responsibility for. As defending Brad for what he did to one of my closest friends hurt them immensely. I tried to leave him nearing the end letting everything out telling him how I couldn't stand by a horrible disrespectful person so willing to prey the venerable and drunk which included me when I was in drunken states that he would encourage. However he once again put me through major emotional abuse that ended with me apologizing to him despite him being the one very deep in the wrong. I went on to loose one of the most important friends I had made in recent times as a result of many things with most branching back to him. Some weeks later I found myself at the lowest of lows talking to him over the phone prepared to take my life when all he could say to me was sorry, thats it, then he just went to bed. My mindset immediately went to realizing I really need to take it head on and roll with any consequences as this will allow me another chance to start a life that I had more control over so in one go without telling him (avoiding the mental torture he would have had me endure) I blocked/unfriended him on everything he could possibly contact me through. Immediately I could feel the pressure lift letting me know I made the right choice but I cant help but feel extremely depressed about the whole thing as I had just removed such a huge part of my life and I wish I had done it years and years earlier. I want to try to reach out to the friend that cut me off recently mostly fro the pain associated with me being his friend and apologize and maybe tell them more of my side and see if we can build a level of trust between the two of us up so that we could once again be friends on some level, however I accept if thats not a possibility. I just don't know what the future holds going forward but I think I need to find out as it will finally be one I can experience without being bound to abuse. I've entered therapy now and hope to find ways to work through the mental and physical abuse involving a lot of the sexual abuse I endured in my time with him that I am opening up about for the first time.

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I don’t like telling people what to do. It’s just what I would do.

I believe this person is a narcissistic one.

I personally, would try and make new friends far away from this circle. It attaches you back to the circle. And back around to him.

He is hurtful. Or hurting or whatever his issues are. But the solution starts with you. Protecting you and your feelings.