How do I stop feeling like a failure?

[YeaImGood]

I'm 31, graduated college 5 years ago, never used my degree, quit my hospital admin job because I was miserable last year, now I'm working part time retail. My credit is shot, I can't contribute to us getting a house because of this and my low wage. My husband is getting tired of supporting my tears because he simply doesn't get "what I'm so sad about" and I'm not able to explain any clearer that I'VE FAILED. Fat & useless keeps ringing in my mind and I hate that I can't stop it.

[Hidden]

You got a college degree, that’s not failing. You are working, that’s not failing. A lot of people go through many jobs in their lifetime, this isn’t failing.

We just bought a house, I’m not working and will not contribute financially. My credit is shot for identity theft and failure to pay one of the fraudulent accounts. My credit is permanently frozen and will never use it again.

I say these things because you are worrying about monetary things and these don’t matter in the way you are worried. You need to boost your confidence by saying I’m doing all I can and that’s okay. It seems your husband is supporting you as in ‘why be so sad over this’?

Finally, if your weight is bothering, lose weight. Plenty of weight management apps and tools to help you, there is even a Wright Loss support section here on Health Unlocked. Make choices to worry the things you can control and stop the bad name calling. This is neither helpful or healthy in any capacity and it will definitely keep you from moving forward with making positive changes in your life. You are young and there is plenty more life for you to live.

[YeaImGood in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I'm learning to say "it's ok" and move forward. It's just not easy to do in the moment of breaking down into tears all the time.

[katrosbaxtros]

Hi, what can I say? well 1) choosing quality of life over misery is a good choice, and a BRAVE one. 2) working and holding down a job while feeling low is no mean feat, 3) as Roxie says, getting a college degree is not failing.

I wish I could send you a whole box of hope, and a perspective filter so you could see your value.

I often feel I am failing, but now after a number of episodes of depression, sometimes lasting for years, I find it helps me to recognise, that 1) these feelings don't necessarily last forever, 2) my perspective is likely off, and most certainly my neurotransmitter induced feelings are not reliable.

I have had to learn that during times like these, I need to trust my loved ones, and when they tell me I am loved, or I haven't failed, they are more reliable than my feelings. I have to then go back, and remind myself that this horrible feeling is not true, because my trusted ones say it is not. I can choose not to believe the feelings. (It doesn't make the feelings go away, I still feel pretty awful, but its a start towards fighting the impact of those feelings on my behaviour and self talk. I can also do this by looking at what others say, who don't even know me... like 'having a college degree isn't failing' and consider .... what would I say if one of my loved ones who also had a degree, but was sad/low and said they were a failure?.. would I think they were a failure? if not, then its my feelings, not the truth...

There are other steps we can then take to move forwards and start to move away from the sadness. It takes time, work and practice, but I know you can, and each time you practice it, it gets easier.... in time you might be able to recognise the truth, and then you can start to look around and recognise other positive truths about yourself.

If you can access some talking support from professionals (sometimes its worth the extra money in the end) or alternatively, wise loved ones, friends etc, then I think that may help you to find your way out quicker.

I hope you can feel better soon YeaImgood hang in there xx

[YeaImGood in reply to katrosbaxtros]

A 'perspective filter' is great way to put that. I know the way I feel and the way things are probably don't match, but it's just very hard to tell myself that before spiraling into the episode. Then I end up feeling stupid for letting my feelings trump reality, which in turn makes me mad at myself all over again. "Crying because I'm crying" sort of thing. Its dumb...and difficult. But I'm trying to fugure this thing out. Thank you.

[katrosbaxtros in reply to YeaImGood]

It is difficult isn’t it! But each time you try, you are learning and you will succeed with persistence, like when people learn to ride a bike, to drive or to ski.... stopping the spiral and beating this requires a combination Of skills we don’t necessarily have naturally (some do, they’re the lucky ones) they are skills we learn.

Hang in there xx

[Blessed36]

You are not useless, focus on the positive, find out what truly makes you happy, and not others. Plus dont rely on your salary at a job, if you not truly happy at that job , that's nothing but depressing. Fat , i heard you say, sounds as though you are not, truly happy the way you look. Go jog , exercise. Work on building a better happier you, and watch how ideals just pop up in your head, on what task you want to take on. Good luck. Visit letgoanxietytoday.com

Shows videos on exercise and morning smoothies to make and try before your exercise routine..

[Lazy_dog_lover]

How are you doing now?

[Synthwaver]

I am 36, i never graduated, i hated studiying, and i hated every job i tried, i quit all of them because i hated working so much, i would prefer suicide! I spent all the money i made by random freelance jobs into musical instruments, and i'll try to get any income out of the music i make. Plus i am not american, one dollar is worth around 5 of our currency. Plus(2) i am not married and i don't have a wife to support me. I understand very well the feeling of failure, but at least you are better than me now!