Extremely suicidal

[aparnatripti]

I am new to this platform and rn expecting that I am gonna grow out of this site in less than a day because I won't find what I am looking for. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in half an hour and I am waiting for a response from my therapist. I really want to end this all but I know how terribly that's gonna haunt my family and I have already hurt them a lot. I burnt myself today twice. I feel like doing it again. I feel that I deserve the pain and the scars left behind are beautiful to look at. Either I am going insane or I am just victimizing myself when actually everything's fine.

[kenster1]

hi and a warm welcome to you glad you found us for the added support.hope your appointment goes well today.you don`t deserve the pain or any burns but what you do deserve is the best support available to get you through difficult times.

[aparnatripti in reply to kenster1]

thank you ❤

[kenster1 in reply to aparnatripti]

anytime my life is hard right now but I cant come back from the alternative but I and you can come back from our current struggles you can do it.

[mhamzikhan92]

Hi welcome here dont be crazy no one deserve the pain or burn. Ups and downs are the part of life never give up. Fight with them. fighting with hard time gives you best days and dont do anything which can regret your parents and good wishes for your appointment.

and welcome again share your feelings among us and struggles. we are here for you.

Have a great day.

[hypercat54]

Why don't you think being on the site won't help you? What are you looking for?

[mannatee]

I have no idea if this will be helpful to you, but I recently had the thought that by self harming I'm basically teaching myself that I'm not worthy of love or respect. Idk how to articulate this, but I'd never found an argument against self harming that made sense to me until this. Like, if our thoughts and behaviors inform our future thoughts and behaviors... then by not hurting myself now I'm helping train my subconscious to believe that I am worthy of protection. If I'm actively hurting myself, how am I also supposed to develop a sense of love and compassion for myself? The act of self harming is counterintuitive to my end goal of self acceptance/compassion.

[mannatee in reply to mannatee]

that being said, I completely understand how hard it is to stop, how difficult it is to convince yourself to keep going. It's great that you have a support system helping to keep you afloat. Let yourself lean on them, I know from experience that they want to help in any way possible to ease your pain. Try to have patience and compassion for yourself, even if it feels superior surface level or even fake... I think the mindset itself can make tiny shifts deeper down. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much and I hope it gets at least a tiny bit better soon. All you have to do is make it through each day as it comes 💜

[aparnatripti in reply to mannatee]

this really helps, thank you soo much.❤❤

[Myre]

I am new too but I have no idea what to say, I guess it's a prominent side effect of this depression/ anxiety thing. I hope you do get better, there are a lot of things to live, hopefully we could figure it out together.

[user009]

don't ever feel as though you are victimizing yourself. your feelings are real, and valid. your pain and suffering is real. although your family may not understand in the least bit, you have to keep your head up and give yourself what YOU need. which is time. You must wake up every morning, focusing on the then and now..don't think of the future, or the guilt you may feel for feeling how you are feeling. ask your family to accept you as you are right now, and to give you time. that you cannot explain to them what is going on with yourself, because you're trying to navigate through it yourself. ask for patience, and to not be pushed. you cannot rush these feelings, thats how they end in regrets. if you give yourself the time it takes, weeks/months, you will look back one day and see how far you've gotten...a day that may seem impossible to imagine, but I promise you, it is there. fight for yourself, even that its not fair you have to deal with these emotions and others don't...fight for yourself, always. because people who expiernce these emotions are the strongest humans on earth..to be able to get up each day and continue to fight for your life, and believing in yourself that you will smile again one day.