I’m not quite sure how to explain this but in Asian culture wearing shoes inside the house is considered to be disrespectful.
Tonight I helped my family throw a dinner party for close family friends and extended family. I noticed that 3 of them were wearing shoes inside. I was trying to be subtle- I mentioned another Asian friend who had people in her house with their shoes on and that in Asian culture it is considered a sign of disrespect to wear shoes in the house. An hour later and they are all still wearing shoes. To me this says that they understand that they’re being disrespectful and are now doing it intentionally. Finally, I stop to let someone buy and try to jokingly say “what are you wearing?” While staring at her feet, obvious enough, right? The one couple took their shoes of and I thanked them while one still steadfastly kept her shoes on. I didn’t mention it again but I got a lot of criticism from my parents about how I was the rude one for “shaming them”.
I understand that I should have let this go without comment. I just felt the anger boiling over after all of my attempts at thoughtful intervention were deliberately ignored.
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SunIsShining
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You are not alone. I don't think that was bad.
As a matter of fact, my friend from East Africa told me to take my shoes off in her apartment the other day and I did. No big deal for me I just did it and it was fine.
LOL, I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt but I don’t think so...
It is perfectly fine to request your guests to take their shoes off. I am from Russia, have been here for 20 years, but never could understand why would people keep wearing shoes after waking into their homes from the street. Though the climate here is so much drier and warmer (CA), it is still dirty outside. I am used to and prefer to be barefoot at home. How can the floors be kept clean if people keep on wearing street shoes inside their homes?!! I simply tell my guests "We do not wear shoes at home" and usually that's sufficient for them to take theirs off. Sometimes I have to add "Please take yours off" when people come in as a crowd and may be distracted. Your home - your rules, and they should be respected. No need to feel bad about it and no need to cave in, if someone inconsiderate decides to shame you. If people, you invite over, are pretty close friends, they'd be interested in being supportive and understanding. And if they are not, you might want t question, whether they are someone you should keep around.
Agreed. They’re not my friends though, they’re my parents. Which, like hypercat54 said, means that I should have left it up to them but I felt like this was my house too. They made it clear that this is not my home though. My Dad took me to lunch tomorrow and demanded an apology for embarrassing him
Hi I think your parents possibly got annoyed coz it sounds like it was a party at their house which they organised? If so they were their guests and it was up to them to make the rules.
That was definitely the problem, they were their guests and it’s their house... I just took it personally because it’s also my house. They let me know that it isn’t my house though soooo
And that just makes me feel more ostracized, I feel unwelcome in this house I live in. They don’t understand why I don’t feel at home and get offended that I don’t feel comfortable but then they constantly mention that “this isn’t my house”. I’m even paying rent but still I don’t have any ownership over my own space. They go through my stuff!
Because they’re enormously controlling. I woke up this morning to “evidence” of my disobedience and disrespect, etc. Luckily I handled it but the house doesn’t seem safe to me
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