How many of us wear a mask?

[TheFightGoesOn]

We've heard that statement before. I do this all the time. From the moment I wake up until the moment I sleep at night. I have to because I have a teenage daughter to be strong for, a toddler to be strong for, a teenage son to be strong for, & now a husband to be strong for.

I do give myself at least 20-40 minutes a night where I do take to just take the mask off & let what needs to come out but, sometimes, a lot of times lately, that's not enough. There's still a lot pent up inside not coming out. A friend made me see this last when I gave myself my time. We talked a lot about my husband & his illness that has been making my anxiety really bad lately. I explained to her how much I held inside when my father passed away because I had to be strong for my 5 sisters & brothers (3 are 1/2 siblings), how much I held inside when I had held inside for my sister & brother when my mother passed away & how I also took over everything that had to be done to lay her to rest, and how now I have to hold almost everything in for my kids because I don't want them to know how truly scared I am for my husband. With all that I have lost in 5 years, I've learned to always expect the worse & with what my husband has right now, I am preparing for the worse of is causing it & it could possibly kill him. I might have to, again, prepare to be able to hold it all in for my children & that is going to be the heaviest of weight that I had ever carried on my own. I hardest mask that I had to ever wear. Who's going to be there for me?

During my childhood, wearing a mask was easy. When I was a teenager, wearing a mask was easy. During most of adult life, wearing a mask has been easy. Lately, however, it's been getting harder & harder. All around me just seems like loss. I pick myself up from one, dust myself off, put on the mask, & another comes & I'm doing it all over again. There's only so much one can handle of this.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Oh my if humans took off masks we’d have anarchy. I don’t want to know what people are or thinking and they don’t want the real me. My business only shows on my face at home alone. Besides it will make you look old when you’re young.

Be kind to yourself💛

[TheFightGoesOn in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I'm pretty good with the Mask. I'm in my early 40's & when I'll tell people this, that don't know me, they're shocked, they think I'm in my 30's. They're even more shocked when I say that I have an 18 year old son.

I'm shocked by their shock because of the amount stress, anxiety, & depression, I'd think it should've aged me but it didn't. I guess I wear my mask very well, too well.

As I mentioned before, I take what time I'm able to. At night usually. Just no more than 40 minutes.

If everyone seen the angry me, they'd hate me. I feel a lot of it when I'm at my one job at night. Retail. I'm a Supervising Cashier & have to keep my crap together & hate it. We all wear a different mask for different reasons. I wear some for work, friends, outside family, and my family at home.

It does get tough. We do it cause we know, most times, we have to.

[MrZee]

Dear TFGO,

Wow... masks... that’s a touch and go one. I completely get what you’re saying.

Before therapy, I was wearing masks all the time. As I’ve matured I wear less or hardly any at all.

At work I wear a mask... I get along with almost everyone because I’m wearing my ‘charmer mask.’

All my life I’ve had Social Anxiety. And if I’m thrusted into a social situation that I have to attend, I also put on a sociable mask. And of course it’s all a room of everyone else wearing masks which is all total BS.

To be honest, I don’t like masks at all. For example when someone is talking about the wonderful trip they just took to Europe... or brag about their kid’s scholarships... or brag about their new car... and so on, my mind is wondering, ‘What’s really going on in their lives? Who’s the real person behind the veil?’

I have very few friends and I’m okay with that because we don’t wear masks. With my partner there’s no masks. And I like that. The more honest people I meet who don’t wear masks the better I feel because I get to be my true self.

Anyway, you’re on the right track. That is you have the awareness of ‘the mask.’ Most people out there don’t. And maybe over time you’ll wear less masks too and meet others who are maskless.

Remember to be strong for you. You don’t always have to be strong for everyone else. And it’s okay to be vulnerable when being around other(s) who can empathize... such as this site.

Non-maskingly yours,

MZ

[TheFightGoesOn in reply to MrZee]

That was just perfect.

It did make me cry just knowing that one can understand even if it was for something different.

Right now, my mask for home, even for my husband, is because I don't want to make my husband's illness worse & don't want to worry my kids. Mine for my husband isn't great, he sees & knows what I'm feeling but not the true depth of it. I have my 2 friends for that. At night when I really need it. They're on call until this gets better.

Found out earlier this evening that, what my husband's suffering from is what made George Jefferson pass away. Use to watch that show all the time. Both shows were great. My husband also knows how to not make me feel better too. He may not be trying that but... Ugh is all I can say.

Having here to release, even without a response is good sometimes.

[MrZee in reply to TheFightGoesOn]

Hi TFGO,

Thank you for the wonderful compliment.

I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s illness and that you’re carrying a lot for your kids.

But we need not always need to wear the mask that makes us look like we’re always the strong one.

It’s okay to be vulnerable with your husband and your kids. Show them all affection. Tell them you deeply love them. That doesn’t take a mask to do.

Perhaps (if you haven’t yet, seek therapy ... as I have done). There’s so much growth in that.

I’m also glad you have your two friends you can be open with. Support is priceless.

And I too watched the Jeffersons. Loved the show. Mother Jefferson and Florence were the hits of that show.

Have a good one for now,

-MZ

[TheFightGoesOn in reply to MrZee]

Throughout my entire life, I've tried various therapist & none have truly been able to help me. In the past 5 years alone. I've tried at least 2-3 of them. I'm a weird case I guess you'd say. I'm the type that can be helped by those that have made it through the mud when I'm still trying to get out of it. I do better with people who've been through what I've been through & try using their methods to get me through it or at least see how they're still standing as tall as ever & just ask them how. Like my friend, I talked to a couple of nights ago.

I do give the children lots of love & do lots of things with them so that they are scared like I am about their father/uncle. They don't need to think it could be as bad as I think it could be. But they do know something is going on with him because he isn't doing what he used to do, not as active and excited about doing things as he uses to. He does show how tired he is & the pain he's in is hard to hide. It is concerning to my teen but our toddler niece still is sort of clueless.

I'm keeping myself together & not crying when I really want to for them. If I did, I'd be crying a lot more throughout the day. What he can possibly have in his lung is what my mom died from & it scares me. And my mother-in-law just called & spoke with me & told me that she had what he has a couple of times & each time her lung collapsed on her, so now she's freaking out & making me freak out more. Ugh. right?

I am hanging in there, the best that I can & do still make the time for me when I can. I know that I need to or else I will not be able to make it through any of my days.

The various masks that I put on go deeper than just the face, way deeper. It has to for just a little while.

[MrZee in reply to TheFightGoesOn]

Dear TFGO,

Well, you’re carrying a lot on your shoulders. Believe you me, I know what that’s like and overall it’s exhaustive mentally as well as physically.

That’s fine if the therapists didn’t work for you. I always say, “Finding a good therapist is like finding a good auto mechanic.” For me, I went through what feels like umpteen therapists until I found one that works for me. He’s both my best friend and enemy. But he helps. Even if he makes me confront my own demons. In the long run I feel much better.

So whatever works to alleviate your stress, be it supportive friends; a hot bath; a walk in nature; reading a good book; etc. then do so. And as you mentioned, I agree, “me time” is wonderful.

And remember it’s okay to be vulnerable without a mask. For example, years back when my mother was alive, I’d give her a weekly call. In our conversation I’d say, “So Mom, how are you doing?” I’d always get a false cheery response, “I’m okay!” Though I could hear the pain in her voice. And I’d ask again, “Mom, what’s really going on? You know I’m here for you.” The call would go silent and finally she would divulge. At the end of the call, she’d always say, “You’re such a good listener. I love you.” Years later I sadly miss hearing her saying that. But what drew us closer is we both didn’t wear masks when we spoke.

Anyway, here’s a question, “What am I going to do for myself today that’s good and rewarding?” I ask myself that same question every day.

Best,

-MZ

[TheFightGoesOn in reply to MrZee]

I actually do ask myself, what I am doing to do that's rewarding.

I usually do reward myself at the end of each night, before heading to bed, with my geek card game that I love to play, the one that my husband taught me within the 1st year we were together; Magic The Gathering. I play this game on my laptop each night or at least, almost every night. It's my stress reliever at times & something that I do truly enjoy doing. Sometimes I even play against my husband who plays on his computer in our library. It's fun & to me, it is rewarding after a long day of holding everyone's weight & my own.

I've certainly been doing it a lot more lately. Even been playing it before my normal times, just to get my head thinking about other things than what's it is at the time I decide to play. It's just been that overwhelming lately.

BTW; we did see his primary doctor today, got a chest x-ray, not a CT Scan. His doctor ruled out a blood clot, which lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, but he is worried about fluid around the lung, which is why he wanted the x-ray. He also gave my husband proper medications for what is the possible cause of his condition. He took them & now is in bed sleeping until he wants to wake. The results of the x-ray will be called into us sometime tomorrow.

Just crossing my fingers he's going to be okay with just taking the 3-day antibiotics.

[MrZee in reply to TheFightGoesOn]

Hi,

I’m glad to hear you and your hubby are taking action with his condition. If you’d like to share the results of his XRay, I’m empathetically curious.

Good for you finding a game to play to alleviate the daily stress. For me I’m bookworm but I love it.

By the way, years ago when I was in college I had a wonderful psych teacher who was a sweetheart of a person. I’ll never forget in one of her lectures telling us, “Humankind is born to strive.” That has always stuck with me.

Best,

-MZ

[TheFightGoesOn in reply to MrZee]

I'm an artist. I work with graphic art & drawing. I dip into painting on rare moments. I also have written poetry. I own my own personal library so, I do have a love of reading myself, just haven't had that lust for reading lately, same with my art & writing. Sometimes I do get an urge with one of them for at least a day, but then it goes away. I got in and out of reading about 2-3 times in the past 5 years.

That was always my favorite outlet for my depression & anxiety. I was always able to just live in another world for a long while. Become someone else. Live somewhere else. I read a lot of Fantasy and/or Sci-Fi novels. Geek. Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite, all-time writers. "Good Omens" American Gods" "Coraline"

Stephen King was also another go-to for me for reading. I also liked reading a lot about Henry the 8th. I honestly don't know why. Just interested me. Him, his wives, children, etc. Just all of it.

Yes, reading was always my favorite escape. The best.

[MrZee in reply to TheFightGoesOn]

Hobbies come and go and return. By coincidence I work at the local college’s Art dept. I’m their admin. I love to watch the students create and draw. I don’t have an inkling to create art myself but I do appreciate looking at it.

One of my pleasures is escaping to museums. I’m like a kid in a candy store. Love it.

[Aprilbday]

I thought you were talking about my sleep apnea mask🥴

[TheFightGoesOn in reply to Aprilbday]

There's many kinds of masks. Physical & non-physical.