Healthy Relationships : Has anyone on... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Healthy Relationships

enigmaticide
enigmaticide

Has anyone on here spotted one of these? What's it like? Is the happy couple perpetually surrounded in glittering light? Does their passion ripple off of them, like heat off asphalt, as they make out directly in front of your sad lonely face? Are they every bit as rare as a unicorn? I've never found myself in one, personally. Any sightings and observations of such a mythical coupling would be greatly appreciated.

67 Replies
oldestnewest

Yesss it use to be me, but long long ago. I think they are called 'Twin Flames.' It's rare to meet yours, but if you do, it's magical.

Cuddly-bear
Cuddly-bear in reply to PainterA

Sorry that its not you any more

I thought I had, waaayyyy back in the day, but odds are strong that it was more youthful optimism/ignorance. The hat-trick would be the turning the "used to be" status into a "once again".

I would love to find this what you described.

It's time. The following is the most realistic love song I've ever known:

- grumbles - Can't find a user-friendly link to save my wretched life. On YouTube, search Rush, Cold Fire.

What 'video unvailable'? Thats what it said for me lol. Is that some kind of metaphor 😁 lol

I read thd lyrics. I hear you. Love is possible but it needs work and care, not unrealistic expectations from one another. I believe that too 😊

Everything worthwhile requires effort. Within a "romantic entanglement" I'm more than willing to do my part. Sadly, it seems that I end up placing more effort than the other; I can't do that anymore. I must be more selfish and find out what satisfaction feels like.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

Yes you must. I agree, anything worthwhile requires effort.. patience... communication, honesty, intimacy, laughter, hugs, being there through good times and bad... hold my hand walking..give me a little kiss on the back of my head as we stand in line for movie tickets..kiss me on the cheek as we cuddle on a cold winter night wrapped in a blanket watching a Hallmark Christmas movie..ya know? That to me is so sweet. 💕💕

I am meeting this guy soon because my divorce is final..and he's so incredibly sweet and we talk all the time and I can't wait to meet him. He took the day off for me because of his hours. I honestly can't wait. We agreed to take it slow..get to know each other...we are meeting at a local park. Anyone here still like that kind of intimacy? The old fashioned way?

Thanks for the post.🤗

enigmaticide
enigmaticide in reply to Hidden

If this new gentleman proves HALF as good as you suspect, my best wishes to the both of you.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

He's also chatting with a woman long distance. What do people think?

enigmaticide
enigmaticide in reply to Hidden

Chatting is obviously chatting but, the case can be made that everyone on here is chatting with everyone else long distance so...

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

Okay true however we are all here as a group working toward the same or similar common goals. When someone you're about to meet and I do mean **finally** face to face and are both so excited and she's old fashioned/ or just believes in one guy dating at a time, not chatting with another male she's interested in across the country or partially. Maybe she's afraid if having her heart stomped on once again. Long distance chatting can most certainly turn Into love as I've definitely seen that happen with others. I will try very hard to protect my heart as I like this guy a lot 💘 and am not getting why he needs to chat with this young lady even though he has told me it's platonic. Can men and women really be "friends" without sexual thoughts??? From experience years ago "not".

I'm a one man woman. I don't share.

I don't want the guy I've been talking with for months to share private inner most thoughts with another woman I don't care where she lives.

Just my opinion. However I've made it clear that things cannot progress beyond friendship unless that chatting stops. How would the shoe feel if it was on the other foot?..

Am wondering...🤔

enigmaticide
enigmaticide in reply to Hidden

I can only speculate, in regards to the other party, but he likely considers such long distance conversations as casual, amusing time killers. If you consider this man to be charming, amusing, quick witted, you might consider being grateful to the others he interacts with, as honing one's conversational abilities doesn't work all that well within the solitary confines of a vacuum; trust me, I've tried. If this man tells you that you're the one he's serious about, perhaps give him enough opportunity to convince you.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

Thank you ☺️

I appreciate your insight.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

How much time do men need to convince woman that they are interested in them? Just curious..

Luna_Child
Luna_Child in reply to Hidden

It's consistency that proves it...staying through good and bad times that proves it, not time. Communication a necessity and keeping promises. That woman could be yours and give you the world. Right now, I bet she's nursing a broken heart. 💔

You end up placing more effort than the other? You're kidding. You won't even give your friend a much needed phone call. You refuse to communicate unless you get your way. You demand and if they don't what you want you sulk and don't talk to that person to straighten it out. I treat aquaintances better than that

I don't know, can't help you there -- I keep falling for the woman from every Fiona Apple song.

enigmaticide
enigmaticide in reply to mrmonk

Lols I can't even blame you.

So rare. Possibly extinct

That's my cynical bent on things as well.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Iammesues

Never extinct. I think I'm just old fashioned..

Healthy relationships happen but not in any sort of glittering light, imho.

They have ups and downs like the unhealthy ones, but some differences are a level of self knowledge in the parties involved, love and a determination to work things out and compromise.

Yes, but if the compromises aren't shared equally, it's doomed to failure.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

Relationships are 100%\100%>so it's equal & it's shared so it does equal 100% give of each other...when you reach hard times and their will be..

Love holds you back from throwing in the towel..you help the other..you lift each other up..you remember your vows...sometimes someone may have to give a bit more but it's the love and committment that will keep you going. ❤️

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

It's not "doomed to failure** if there's committment & communication. Both are very important..

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Blackdog1

Absolutley agreed

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Blackdog1

Correct. It's not all lit up in lights la la la...happy happy happy...it does take a lot of work. Sometimes you end up in marriage therapy sometimes it works sometimes not.

It's PATIENCE, COMMITMENT, COMMUNICATION, LOVE, INTIMACY, RISK,

My problem is **still** a problem and tried to work it out many times...

Hidden
Hidden

It would be very difficult for me to be my genuine self around anyone. I like to love from a distance.

enigmaticide
enigmaticide in reply to Hidden

Are you determined to break my heart? Lols Love isn't a distance game. Risk is required.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

I need my possible future love close to me in proximity so we can experience everything together.

Long distance love, relationships..I don't want to live my life like that. Maybe some people do and that's their choice. I want the hand holding, the cuddling, the whole enchilada 💕

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

May I ask why? Oh I'm sorry not my business..yikes

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

I like to have privacy and my own space.

My partners tend to grow to accept it.

I hate PDA.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Sure understood you enjoy chatting with more than one partner and are not interested in a one to one "relationship"

To each his/her own understood.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

How does one "love" from a distance?

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Curious about that as well..I don't think it's possible but that's me. I need closeness to actually be together

Everyone finds their own in what makes them happy

Luna_Child
Luna_Child in reply to Hidden

I think there are 2 separate hiddens. Replying. I'm nursing a broken heart

After seven years I'm finally in a happy, healthy relationship. No toxic gunk anywhere in sight. There is no glitter (thank god, glitter is so hard to clean). A happy and healthy relationship takes work, effort, listening and compromise on both parts. It takes someone who can understand you and everything about you. One who's willing to stop whatever they're doing to be there for you. Someone you're comfortable sitting in silence with. One who's willing to let you love your dogs more than them...

Side note: I hope people aren't doing that intentionally to your face because that would be mean and very uncomfortable...

I'm happy for you. It seems that you've found yourself a grounded and loving relationship.

Prior to the pandemic, I have witnessed couples engaged in PDA, public displays of affection, as if they were going out of style. And yes, I suspect that many of these acts had an element of pride to them; check out how much more desirable I am, etc.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to enigmaticide

I do enjoy holding hands in public..the touch, that bit of intimacy I think is so important. I also love other little displays of affection like a kiss on the back of my head or forehead, an arm suddenly felt around my waist...subtle ways that show I'm really happy to be with you.

Obviously you dont have to answer but why would you want to be with someone if you love your dogs more than them? Im not being critical at all. Did you mean it as an expression or literally? Its just that I see many couples like this where they would put their animals before their partners and I dont understand.

Im glad youve found someone that accepts you though. We all need that 😊

It's not that I love my dogs more than my boyfriend, it's just that I have more of an emotional connection with them. I love my boyfriend to pieces but when I was being abused I didn't have people who I could trust or turn to was my (now)thirteen year old dog. He understands why I feel that way. I mostly joke around about it but my little boy will wake me up from my nightmares. Thats a connection I've never experienced with another person.

You weren't being critical. :)

I understand what youre saying 😊.

So, you need a man who lets you be close to your dogs without taking it personally? (Is that what you meant when you said you need 'One who's willing to let you love your dogs more than them...'?)

If so I get that. They were there when noone else was. It will take time and effort on both sides but I believe its possible to build that emotional closeness with a human too 😊

I try, but I get scared sometimes. I know he's scared to because he's been abandoned and abused to. It's easy to love him though and I'm nit terrified of telling him that I love him. I'm working on building that with him, we even talk about getting married. And if it makes things better my little girl loves him more than me :)

It sounds like you're really patient with one another 😊

Youre comments make me think I have some work to do on myself.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Doglover309

Loving your dog ..It's a different kind of love..just like loving your parents, friends, siblings, special friends you thought were committed to the friendship, cousins, aunt's, etc...it's all a different feeling of love.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Doglover309

Happy for you❤️

Hidden
Hidden

Relationship goals: not want to choke the life out of whoever I'm with because they can't clean dirty socks off of the floor. To me that is love. And would be the most beautiful of relationships 😂 all this pda mess not so much. Who in tarnation wants that?!

Kainan_li
Kainan_li in reply to Hidden

yep it's the simple things..

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kainan_li

See, you get it!! I'm not an aww give me a kiss, I'm more an aww you picked your clothes up and put your dishes in the dishwasher I love you so much type haha

Kainan_li
Kainan_li in reply to Hidden

Or hand wash them right away

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kainan_li

I'm not even going to be that picky, as happy as that would make me, I'd settle for just making it to the sink

Kainan_li
Kainan_li in reply to Hidden

Haha or just anywhere near the sink

No idea. Never been in one. My guess is a lot of unabashed PDA...

I see a lot of people disagreeing, that they don't exist. Maybe not the perfect couple, but happy ones still do.

My husband has done so much more for me than any other guy probably would've. He's been patient, and kind. We fight every now and again, but most of the time we are happy and content. Maybe I'm just lucky. But it does exist.

We don't even have a really stable physical relationship, but that isn't what love is to me. Love is exactly what I've found.

I may only be 21. And I may be ignorant, but he's stayed by me through every hospital stay, every rough night. I think that's true love.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kat_21

Absolutely...let me edit and add that my ex was a total Narcissist..it was all about his control, his feelings, his precious time...blah blah blah. My friends cared more.

He sits with you in the hospital or while you're sick..he's definitely NOT a selfish partner and you're very lucky. All partners fight now and then it's the communication & resolve that follows.

I remember being young and all we wanted was that gorgeous guy...well let me tell you as you grow older those feelings and desire for what you want shift places...rock hard pecs and gorgeous isn't even on the list for most of Baby Boomer's...we want trust, communication, honesty, intimacy and not just talking sexual relations, commitment, attracted, hand holding, hugs, pick me a flower, etc..selflessness all move to the top of the list.

..

Kat_21
Kat_21 in reply to Hidden

Yesss, my husband is my rock. I hope you meeting your long distance partner goes good. 🙂

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kat_21

Thank you! He's actually not long distance. He's 45 min away. 🤗. We took time to talk and get to know each other during the Pandemic lockdown.

Kat_21
Kat_21 in reply to Hidden

That's awesome! Congrats on meeting someone who makes you happy!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kat_21

Fingers crossed Kat!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kat_21

That's what I want. My husband / boyfriend to be my rock.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Kat_21

That's awesome. I'm so happy for you!

I feel the same way. Just wanted to let you know there are tons of us out here who haven’t experienced a healthy relationship and have no idea how to go about one. I honestly don’t know if I understand what love is or feels like because my family situation is so messed up. Not to blame it on them but have I ever felt love? Not sure. I don’t know if I was raised to know how to give love either.

Worth noting, a lot of my research suggests that the happiest couples are made up of those who don’t expect a “soulmate” and know that they have to work for happiness. That’s one reason that some arranged marriages are so successful. You don’t need to have this magical connection with someone, just enough perseverance to learn and grow together

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