Personal Relationships

[SuzyGreenberg]

Anyone else have issues being in intimate relationships? I have never been good at the long term relationship thing and in fact the only "long term"/in-love relationship I've been in was a highly toxic and unhealthy one that caused me to take a step back and do some serious self-reflecting. I've never been able to choose good partners who match with me and treat me well that want to be in a long term relationship with me who I've also been interested in too. I'm a serial dater but also have been in more than my fair share of flings, casual dating situations, FWBs, one night stands, brief 1-3 month dating stints the whole gamut other than long-term relationships. This dating issue is what caused me to seek treatment in the first place but I still struggle to find a good/appropriate partner that is date-able and also that I'm attracted to and want to be with. I tend to sabotage or choose/be attracted to bad partners. Anyone else experience this?

[brokenlight]

I can’t relate specifically... but stay safe & best of luck to you ✨

[Dananxiety]

Hi Suzy. I can relate to your post. Over the years, I have dated several women with similar backgrounds.

I would ask you two questions that are interrelated. Do you have a good self image? That is, do you think that you are worthy of finding someone that will love you and care about you exclusively?

Second and most important, what was your relationship with your father? It sounds as if you are choosing/constantly seeking a partner that will treat you badly or needs to be fixed. If your father ignored you, abandoned or wasn't there for you, was abusive or perhaps even alcoholic, you may be replaying that relationship over and over. A girl's first and most formative relationship is with her dad.

[SuzyGreenberg in reply to Dananxiety]

Thanks Dan - the first one I can definitely relate to, not quite the second. Have a pretty good relationship and upbringing in regards to my dad but maybe the whole family had more of a negative influence than just my dad when it comes to dating. Food for thought, thanks for your support!

[chaoticjoy3]

Oh, I think a lot of us can say we have been where you are. Although long term, most of my relationships have been dysfunctional. I married into one of these dysfunctional relationships, which of course ended in divorce leaving me as a single mother of 2. It was at that point in my life when I began to see things differently. I was no longer able to live the free single life because I had 2 kids who depended on me. Then and only then was I able to sit in the bitter silence of life and realize my true worth. I was alone (not in a relationship) for years, and spent that time bonding with friends and family and my kids, finding my true worth in myself and no-one else. God has a plan, I found that out when I finally met my now husband, someone completely opposite of anyone I had ever dated, but now the most important and wonderful person in my life. Prayers to you as you face this.....

[SuzyGreenberg in reply to chaoticjoy3]

Thanks chaotic! Those words to help me, feeling even more lonely because I don't have a lot of close friendships to work on unfortunately at the moment so think I'm feelin' the sting of singleness a little harder that way!

[chaoticjoy3 in reply to SuzyGreenberg]

That makes sense, just keep focusing you who you are. Always remember your strengths and what an awesome person you are. Things will get better, one day at a time....

[Hidden]

Amen.

I don't want to elaborate though.

I wish you all the best and happiness.