Restarting a life

[Molly85]

It is hard for me right now since I was married for over 20 years and never had really been alone. I was controlled by my husband and was told my only role was as a mother and housewife. I didn't have any friends, and was not supposedf to do anything without the kids. My husband did not believe in doing anything withou tthe kids, so we never went to dinner, the movies, etc without the kids. I realize now that as a result, my kids are empowered and feel like they can now control me. I guess it's just kind of scary to realize I am all alone and having to restart my life at 50.

[Marvel002]

It's never too late to start be happy do what makes you feel alive.... Be kind to people above all love yourself.

[Bettikins]

Molly, it is never too late. I started over after a 25 year abusive marriage. Met the love of my life 5 years later and we were together 10 wonderful years. Sadly he passed of cancer but the good memories sustain me.

[CHPA]

It has to be scary. And yet you can take everything you have learned and use that to make a whole new future for yourself. When you have the chance, share your story so that young adults learn from your missteps. It's hard now but it can get better every day moving forward.

[Molly85 in reply to CHPA]

Thank you - where would I share my story? Here? or is there a place for journal writing?

[CHPA in reply to Molly85]

That is a good question. Word Press perhaps. People here already tend to have issues and you want to catch them ahead of time.

[Sprinkle1]

You can do it. I know how it feels, we were born in the after suffragette era, for so long males have thought they were superior to us women. I am sure you did a great job as being a wife and mother. Now it is your turn to wake up to being a woman, we are here for you, believe in yourself, you are special and worthwhile. My male therapist told me almost 40 years ago, I was special, and had my own gifts. And yes I have flourished, you can to, please believe in yourself, look for support groups in your area. I f you need more help from me, please email me, I send you love, support, courage, strength love and big hugs......We are strong, believe in that......

[Iammesues]

I’m so jealous of you being able to get the nerve to leave a toxic husband. Please tell me how you did it

[Molly85 in reply to Iammesues]

I finally put myself first. I started caring about me and what I wanted.

[Iammesues in reply to Molly85]

Did you announce first or just packed and left?

[Molly85 in reply to Iammesues]

Gave hints, but eventually just packed and Left

[Iammesues in reply to Molly85]

I’m in awe of your ability to go. I admire you. Was there a last straw or you just suddenly got the courage?

[Molly85 in reply to Iammesues]

I got the courage and decided enough was enough

[Iammesues in reply to Molly85]

I’m searching for your courage.

[san_ray70 in reply to Iammesues]

My first husband was cheating on me for most of my married life, I left him but my kids age 13 and 17 would not come with me. I could not undrstand why, but they stood up for their father. I tried over the years but lost contact with both my kids. That was the price of my leaving, but that was not the full story. My daughter let me know when she had a baby and I briefly got to know her daughter. Then for some reason mainly her mothers depression I was cut off again. My grandaughter is 19 this year, she let me know on face book she had a boy friend and was going to cookery college. Then she suddenly did not put anything on for me.

[Iammesues in reply to san_ray70]

I admire your strength

[san_ray70]

I started a new life after 18 years being married, I left home got a job met a new man. Heturned out to be a bully, but I stayed aslong as I could stand it. Now I am 72 and happily married to my beloved husband, life does get better, you just have to keep enjoying life.

[Iammesues in reply to san_ray70]

I admire your pursuit of your smile. I long for the willpower to do the same

[Cb1963]

A new life beckons!!! And to anyone out there don't be shackled to the chains of a relationship because of marriage, or threats of violence, especially that, when getting married you stand together to be equal, and to live life in harmony,and if you become a prisoner to your partner, well,you need your freedom, well done on escaping your misery, and hopefully other ladies can understand that this is possible, I'm sure it will take you time to adjust to your new lifestyle,you will meet different people, maybe try a church group,a swimming club,anything that you haven't tried before, the world is a small place once you start to explore it,you will feel like a bird out of the nest, fly and use your wings,don't hold back,you are the person inside that has been trapped inside, I hope that you can enjoy life!!! x

[Hidden]

I don't have any children, but I recently split up with someone I was with for 20 years, and I turn 50 next month. It was very painful, if we had kids I'd stay in touch to co-parent the kids, but we don't and I don't want to "stay in touch as friends" like he wants to. It's over and it's really been over since around the time I turned 40 but it's taken me that long to finally totally pull away from him and go absolutely no contact. I'm living with my parents right now and I know I need to regroup and get a real career going for myself and it is scary. I believe for a lot of people being in your 40s and 50s is definitely a "mid-life crisis" time, there are a lot of people out there who are divorced, now more than ever. You're not the same person you were when you were younger and in some ways, I wouldn't want to be. Appreciate that you're going to focus more on what you want and not be living for your husband and children, leave the bitterness behind. I know it's rough waters to navigate. I hope I said something helpful, I wish you the best.

[Iammesues in reply to Hidden]

I admire your strength

[Molly85]

*courage

[car103]

Molly, I am 56. Stay-at-home controlled Mom, 4kids (now 18, 22, 24 /married with 3 ids lives out-of state, 25,/married) 28yrs. Made the best of everything including the awful husband. Spoke up and I am the bad guy. I wrote this on another post somewhere. I am afraid after all these years to start out on my own, I really can't do anything. I am on disability. My kids sided with him and I have been isolated from any friends. I a sitting here stuck and I can't figure out how people do it. I feel robbed of my identity. And I'm afraid of being alone. I have been off of this site. I always think I am the only one going through this. I guess it is just a fantasy wishing I had one person to give me support that I don't pay as a therapist or acupuncturist or chiropractor. I keep forgetting that these people don't really care about me. I am a client or a patient and it is "see you next week" and here is the bill.

[Hidden in reply to car103]

I can completely understand your anguish....that feeling of having no one who cares enough about you to help you or to even just be there for you....it's truly devastating. I've been through alot in my 56yrs and have never had anyone stand by my side and be there for me....I'm an only child and have often longed for the companionship of a sibling. Life has a way of making some if us believe there's no way out of a situation and that we perhaps end up with the only kind of life we deserve....it's not true....we all deserve love and happiness....some of us have to go through hell to get it...but even a life alone is better than a life controlled by others....we all have that inner strength but for some it's a terrifying thought to tap into it and search for something better. Feel free to private message anytime you wish....I don't know you personally but I do know the helplessness you feel. I once ran miles whilst 8mths pregnant with my then partner in hot pursuit....I ran to my local police station and fell into the arms of a policeman....I completely broke down and begged them to help me get away....that's when my life began to change....stay strong and never give up hope....much love xxxx

[car103 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you suzie482. I have to find my "why" all over again.

[Molly85 in reply to car103]

YOu are not alone - there are many resources and groups that you can connect to - church groups, support groups, There are people that care

[car103]

Thank you.