I never feel like I fit in with my friends.

[DemureRose]

Every friend group I’ve had has ended with me not feeling like I fit in with them.

It’s great for a few months, even years once, but ultimately I end up noticing that I don’t have things in common with my friends or I just don’t mesh well with them.

The group I’m in now I thought was perfect. Two of the girls I’ve known since kindergarten and we were previously friends. So it seemed like the perfect situation.

Unfortunately, I’m once again reaching a point where I’m realizing I don’t belong, except this time it feels much worse.

I’ve realized that I am the only one who doesn’t have a strong connection with any one of my friends. They all are close friends with one another. I’m not. They talk to each other one on one all the time. I don’t. They hang out without the other friends. I don’t.

And the other girl in the group is also sort of an outcast but she has another whole friend group to hang out with and she is in a relationship.

So I’m literally the outcast. The extra friend. The fourth wheel in most situations.

A prime example of this happened the other day. A few months ago my friends and I took some fun graduation pictures. We had a mini photo shoot and got a lot of great pictures of the three of us. A week before graduation, one of my friends posted a “1 week til graduation” post on insta. The picture however was only of the two girls I took the picture of. I was not in the photo. We had dozens of pictures of us together, she chose the one without me. Even worse, when I saw their phones they each had that picture as their background. How else am I supposed to take that except that I’m obviously not first pick for either of them?

That was the moment I realized how unimportant I am to them. The moment I realized I didn’t fit happened the other day.

It was one of my friends 18th birthday and she wanted to go to a hotel and have a night out on the city. So I dressed up and was super excited to have what I thought was going to be like an “adult” night, since we all would be legal adults. Well that didn’t happen. Instead they wanted to stay in the hotel room and do silly things like gossip about boys and make Tik Toks. Neither of which are my thing. So what did I do the entire night? I played on my phone, watched Netflix. Then they decided they wanted to go play in the pool. Yes play. They wanted to PLAY in the pool. Nobody told me to bring a swimsuit so what did I do for two hours while they swam? I played on my phone.

I’m 18 years old, almost 19. While that doesn’t mean I HAVE to be mature, I am. I have lost interest in pretending to be a child. I’m all about silliness and being dorks, but that’s different than immaturity.

But this whole situation has got me worried that I will never be able to find friends I mesh with. People like when others are fun right? I’m not fun. I’d rather have an intellectual conversation about cultures and politics than gossip about boys and celebrities. Am I ever going to find people who understand that? Am I ever going to find friends who I am happy to be with?

[Iammesues]

Maybe you will. Hopefully you will find your people. I hope you have the will to keep looking. Get rid of these others and feel proud about it, they are not your people

[Perriex]

Hello Miss Rose,

I am certain that you will find your people.

You sound like an amazing person. Please keep looking. Over the years I have found wonderful friends online. Search for groups related to your interests.

Some of my closest friends now (and I am old :)) are people I met online.

Hang in there. ♡♡♡

[Hidden]

If you don't mind me asking ...

What do you look like physically ?

How are you doing at college ?

What did the photos of you look like ?

Peer group friends in general instinctively avoid being too close to ones they feel superior to them. They might just be jealous of you.

Jealousy can really hurt. Put yourself in their position (just trying to be pragmatic here, not to condone cruel behaviour), if you had a friend who constantly outshines you in every way, you probably would have felt the same. It's particularly difficult for young people when they are struggling in their own lives trying to fit in.

Most of us grow up being told "Oh you must excel and aim to be the best", no one ever tells us the prices that come with it. We have to find out the hard way. If you don't, history would keep repeating itself.

If I am correct, then go make friends who are pretty much on the same level as yourself based on levels of attractiveness (for the time being) and intelligence (so they won't feel threatened by your brilliance). Find people who share the same hobbies as yourself.

Let us know what you think.

[dutchgirl71]

You sound just like my nephew. He's 23 and has always had trouble with friend groups. He's quite the intellectual and has a hard time meeting people, especially women, with the same interests. However, now that he's in the working world, he has colleagues he hangs out with. Perhaps when you go to college or work you may find people with common interests. Just be you and you will find your way.

[hopejoyfatih]

When I was a child my mom used to ask me "who's your best friend?" I would often say a name of a classmate. She would always tell me, " no, YOU are your best friend" she always taught me to count on myself. Friends come and go, I consider myself lucky I learned that lesson early in life. I am sure social media has made things hard on you because you feel excluded from the photos, but you gotta turn it around and say they are missing out on your friendship. Living well and being happy is the best revenge. Focus on you

[Kainan]

Hey. Sorry you feel that way. I felt like that all the time. Might not be the right group of peers you want in your life right now. I hope you find individuals who value your company and you feel supported to be around. Keep ahold 👌