Advice???? I'm okay, but a little nervous and could use some thoughts and advice.

[Rudolph26]

Well, guess this is where I express my deepest fears lol.

So, If you've read my other posts you know that there is a guy I'm interested in. No biggie, unless you're an extremely self conscious person like I am and have major trust issue. Fortunately, this is actually a guy I trust. Anywho, we have been talking about the possibility of dating and just haven't yet because of the current distance, but soon he wont be as far away. (In about a month he will be a state away / 8 hour drive). So, that makes me happy. However, we talked last night and he informed me of crush he has for a girl that is in another country. He wasn't saying he would go after her or anything, but wanted to be honest with me and let me know that he had a crush on this girl a year ago and she has been messaging him as of late. He then said he has a crush on her, but doesn't think anything permanent would happen between them like he does for the both of us (He has been one of my closest friends for 16 years). So, I told him I don't really like competing and that if he thinks he needs to check this out then he should pursue it (because we aren't dating yet, only talking about it). He then went on to say that the only reason he isn't dating me right now is because of the distance, so it kinda sucks (Which also tells me that he won't go after this girl because she is too far away.)

Anyway, I honestly have just been through too much crap in my life, and I'm not really sure how to feel about this. So, I wrote him and told him I want to see him because I feel it would give us both more clarity, and even offered to buy him a plane ticket to see me in August (Cause I'm a full time student and graduate the end of July). He then wrote back and told me that I don't need to buy a ticket and that he would love to see me and can drive up for a weekend. So, yeah... This makes me happy but I don't know, a little unsettled as well? I mean, I'm the one who confessed to him about liking him and it was kinda unexpected for the both of us. A good kind of unexpected, but I feel like maybe I sprung this on him before he could get the same clarity I did. I mean, he is my only crush because I didn't even tell him until I KNEW that he was the one I actually wanted to be with, and I feel like he didn't have the opportunity to gain that same clarity. But, he is a good guy and even more so, a man I love, trust, admire, and consider to be one of my oldest and closest friends. I feel bad because I know that he likes me but he obviously feels conflicted; but I don't think he feels conflicted because of this other women. I think he is just conflicted because we have been just friends for so long and maybe is having a hard time figuring out if we should be more because we make such amazing friends for each other? I don't know....

At the same time, I can't say it doesn't hurt a little to hear him say he has a crush on this other girl. Even if he says she can't compete with me because I'm just "amazing." Because, I feel like if he really felt this way, then he wouldn't even be considering someone else. I know he felt bad about telling me, but I honestly am not mad or even offended by it. After all, he used to always talk to me about the girls he liked, and I used to tell him about the guys I liked and got advice from him about them. But now it's different because he IS the guy I like, and I'm the girl he likes but he also is interested in this other girl? I know he is just weighing it all in his mind, and I get it, I really do, but it makes me feel like backing off entirely because of how unsure he is. Yet, at the same time I don't want to back away from the most amazing man I know...

Any thoughts? and if you want more details about something for clarity, feel free to ask.

[Hidden]

Hello. I feel that the guy was honest and open to tell you about a crush he had on another girl though yes, that may seem dissapointing... For him telling you this may sound kind of dissapointing, but taking in another perspective, it may show clearly that he is very open and is a person of truth; frankly, getting this virtue from a person is extremely hard. If he can't lie about sensitive staff for example, that means that he really means it when he tells you that you are amazing.

You have stated that he is driving to come and see you one of the weekends, which is kind of exciting, I feel that you should now use that chance to try to clear out that notion that 'he may just be conflicted because you have been friends for many years'. He truly seems to be an honest man so I bet he will tell you the truth about the confliction.

You feel that he would not have considered another lady having told you that you are amazing... for me, I always feel that for someone having a crush on another person does not really mean that he/she will be considered over the person that he/she really loves. As in, though he may be having a crush on another person does not really mean that she will be considered over you. Frankly there has been many cases where for example,(in general) someone who is having a fiance or his/her partner gets a crush on his/her celebrity just because of the celebrity's good looks or contents; but still it won't mean that he/she will leave and choose the celebrity over his or her partner per say.(this is just an example)

As in what I am trying to say is that, yes he may be having a crush over another lady and honestly comes open concerning it but that does not mean that he will always choose that person over you. Then if so(I'm not wishing this to happen at all), then he will be sincere with it because he seems honest. But having told you that you are amazing, just stick with that thought I sincerely feel that he is really honest about it.

I hope this will help, all the best with your guy.

[Rudolph26 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Canonp,

It does help a lot actually. You kinda reminded me of some really amazing qualities he has. And you're right, he is very honest. That's actually one of the reasons I love him. Ever since we were kids he was always so honest and caring. He is one of the kindest and most humble men I have ever met. He has been my role model of what a good man should be like for years; which is partially why I never considered him, because he was just so amazing and I felt he deserved more than I felt I could give. I guess to an extent, I still feel like that. To be honest, all I really want is to see him happy and I guess this concerns me because I question if I'm preventing him from being with a better potential. What's funny is that he has told me this "There are two reasons I always chose not to be with you: one is because it would be weird for your parents to know we are having sex" (My parents considered him to be their son and he adores them as well) "Two: because your such an amazing person and I felt like I would corrupt you because your just too good for me." I had to laugh when he told me this because I felt almost exactly the same way lol.

Anyway, I really do love him (first and foremost as my friend) and I want to see him happy with someone. Out of anyone, I know he deserves it, and I question sometimes if I can give him what he needs. So, when he mentions this crush (even though I know he is being honest) I question myself and wonder if I am making him settle for me just because he thinks I'm a good person. Kinda rediculious isn't it? lol but, it is how I feel on this.

The advice you gave is solid, and I know if we talk in person a lot will become clear. I'm just nervous and a bit anxious because I've never feared being in a relationship so much in my life, and at the same time, fear not being with him even a little more. I feel like it's petty because I feel like I haven't earned the right to say that about him yet. But truth be told, I owe this man my life in more ways than one, and I have always wanted to repay him for all that he has done for me. He truly changed my life, and whats funny is that he still doesn't get how.

[Hidden in reply to Rudolph26]

I also feel that you can be the one he deserves too and you should not undermine youself.

I have said this because; [as you mentioned]- (he sees you as an amazing person and way too good for him, just as the way that you see him), then that should be a big reason of you guys being together. I feel that if you both open up concerning that then you'll be amazed when he chooses you over the others everytime/ all times.

[leftbehind]

I think if he's willing to come and visit you and said he'll buy his own ticket and he would love to see you, that all sounds good and then maybe you can find out more of what kind of relationship you have. Ask questions.

[leftbehind in reply to leftbehind]

Try a hug or a kiss...what happens? 🥰☺️