Bittersweet

[Kevin160]

Well it took another try , but i passed my drivers test after i failed last week, im feeling relieved , a weight has been lifted, there are many other weights though, i expected to feel no anxiety, but still felt a nagging heart palpitations constantly,

I still struggle with the obsessive thoughts, as i mentioned here before, i got triggered by some posts discussing how ocd urges can cause you to harm yourself, and eventhough i dont have ocd , perhaps just ocd tendancies due to my anxiety disorders, since january and the thought i saw on posts that triggered me haunt me, i stand everyday trying to convince myself i have free will, im not going to go crazy and lose control and hurt myself or worse, i will be ok but no use, i really dont know what to do, i have given it months and it sometimes goes away for a bit but it always comes back , and i know im doing something wrong but i dont know how to fix it, its weird when you have anxiety about something , you are so easily influenced and triggered, you just feel like nothing is guaranteed and only the bad things will happen, its frightening worrying what if , eventhough deep down i know i trust myself, but if im anxious that much, could i have like doubts about not going to hurt myself, i know this makes me sound crazy, i was embarrased to tell anyone, and as much as i tried to tell friends and family, i told numerous people and they all didnt understand what i meant and just told me to toughen up. Im not suicidal, i want to know how to deal with these thoughts about the posts i read on ocd urges, my mind keeps circilating for months what if i develop them, and then i started to like i did eventhough i didnt but i still feel that way, what do i do , no one ever gives me a plan on things to do

Was this something i always had

Is this something triggering me and i just obsess so much over it its sort of like i feel it happening to me

Am i worried about not being able to achieve my goals and dreams , and its manifesting in a weird way because i feel like that all the time, not living the live i wish to live, and doubts creep up all the time

Im fighting the thoughts that keep getting to me and worrying if i would ever act upon them, i dont have urges, but over panicking about the thought of it, makes it feel like i have the same problems i read about , the tirggere and so fourth , im really anxious and uncomfortable, i just wanna let go and relax but im always tense because i feel i cant relax when i have these crazy thoughts

[Agora1]

First of all Kevin, my congratulations on passing your driving test. Hoorah!!

Good for you. You should be celebrating a great accomplishment..

As for a post that you read that has stirred up concerns for you, you are going

to have to address that with your therapist. I always tell myself and others to

take what we need from this site and delete the rest (in one ear, out the other)

If we don't then what has happened to you stays and plays heavy on our minds.

We all write from our own experiences but that doesn't mean that the person

reading it will respond in the same way. You've kind of opened Pandora's Box

and it needs to be cast aside as soon as you can since it is doing you no good.

It's not about toughing up, it's about letting go of a negative thought that took

hold. You're right in that family and friends may not quite understand but

a therapist would. Do you still see one. Don't be embarrassed to reach out xx

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

with the coronavirus pandemic, i cant reach out to my therapist, and an appointment would take too long , last time it took 6 weeks and that was before the pandemic, i stopped looking at posts , i was only trying to give back you know? But i shouldnt have been doing that at a time where my mental health was really not that good, its been so long worrying over this that its really affecting me, just this one thought alone i want to get rid off

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

My therapist and doctors are all doing phone consults.

Is that an option??

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Not sure , but maybe i can check , again i think even if its not face to face , it would still be a long time until it becomes available , you know how doctors appointments are

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

You can only try my friend...

[newbie1956]

Congrats, Kevin... always thinking about you.

You've got good advice here

Agape

[Marshall64]

Congratulations on passing your driver's licence. Big milestone....