Well it took another try , but i passed my drivers test after i failed last week, im feeling relieved , a weight has been lifted, there are many other weights though, i expected to feel no anxiety, but still felt a nagging heart palpitations constantly,
I still struggle with the obsessive thoughts, as i mentioned here before, i got triggered by some posts discussing how ocd urges can cause you to harm yourself, and eventhough i dont have ocd , perhaps just ocd tendancies due to my anxiety disorders, since january and the thought i saw on posts that triggered me haunt me, i stand everyday trying to convince myself i have free will, im not going to go crazy and lose control and hurt myself or worse, i will be ok but no use, i really dont know what to do, i have given it months and it sometimes goes away for a bit but it always comes back , and i know im doing something wrong but i dont know how to fix it, its weird when you have anxiety about something , you are so easily influenced and triggered, you just feel like nothing is guaranteed and only the bad things will happen, its frightening worrying what if , eventhough deep down i know i trust myself, but if im anxious that much, could i have like doubts about not going to hurt myself, i know this makes me sound crazy, i was embarrased to tell anyone, and as much as i tried to tell friends and family, i told numerous people and they all didnt understand what i meant and just told me to toughen up. Im not suicidal, i want to know how to deal with these thoughts about the posts i read on ocd urges, my mind keeps circilating for months what if i develop them, and then i started to like i did eventhough i didnt but i still feel that way, what do i do , no one ever gives me a plan on things to do
Was this something i always had
Is this something triggering me and i just obsess so much over it its sort of like i feel it happening to me
Am i worried about not being able to achieve my goals and dreams , and its manifesting in a weird way because i feel like that all the time, not living the live i wish to live, and doubts creep up all the time
Im fighting the thoughts that keep getting to me and worrying if i would ever act upon them, i dont have urges, but over panicking about the thought of it, makes it feel like i have the same problems i read about , the tirggere and so fourth , im really anxious and uncomfortable, i just wanna let go and relax but im always tense because i feel i cant relax when i have these crazy thoughts