Rage after betrayal

[drnodrno]

I was betrayed but was caught on tape expressing anger, so it looks like I was the aggressor. It's leading to divorce and huge anxiety and depression about it and not knowing what to do with the rage. Divorce process is so slow so I constantly think about it and can do nothing but wait. I need to know what to do about the rage, and how to control the anxiety while I wait for the outcome.

[mvillarreal]

Oh no!!! I'm sorry. How did it end up on tape? Did the person who betrayed you record it to try to make you look like the bad one? How were you betrayed?

[drnodrno in reply to mvillarreal]

Right, they secretly had a recording running in the background and after having a fight they edited and used it as evidence.

[Hidden in reply to drnodrno]

That is just evil. So sorry life is giving you lemons right now. Your rage is understandable. If you can, it would help you to find a good counselor to teach you how to process this rage. You dont want to let it rule you. Both my husband and I were cheated on by our first spouses. It was rough. But that was 42 yr ago, now we look back and think maybe our cheating lying spouses did us a favor.

[drnodrno in reply to Hidden]

I realize that speaking to a counselor is easy to recommend but it's not really a viable option for me, which is why I came to these forums. Appreciate your insight though.

[Hidden in reply to drnodrno]

I get it

[Hidden in reply to drnodrno]

I agree with the counselling too.

[fauxartist in reply to drnodrno]

It's actually not admissible evidence in most states...unless both parties are aware of a recording, it's illegal and inadmissible. And also suspect as evidence since it can be edited.

[drnodrno in reply to fauxartist]

You brought up a very good point. I looked into it states do differ on this. Unfortunately, my state is a "one-party" consent state, and so I believe the recording was made legally. You might be right about the editing part though, good information.

[mvillarreal in reply to drnodrno]

What kind of betrayal was it? Was it like cheating or something?

[drnodrno in reply to mvillarreal]

The betrayal was immigration fraud. The girl was using me to get immigration benefit.

[mvillarreal in reply to drnodrno]

I guess I'd need more details to actually understand what happened.

[drnodrno in reply to mvillarreal]

I have a history with anxiety and depression. I married a girl from another country and brought her to US. We fought a lot and didn't get along very well. When I mentioned divorcing her, I found out that she had secretly recorded me saying things to her that sound violent or threatening, at least without context. The reality is that she had a tendency to get violent and break things, to the point where I was actually afraid of her. Part of my fear was that I had no way to control her, I could not respond violently. After one of her tantrums, she forced me to recite things she wanted me to say. I was angry and traumatized and so I then did the same to her, but she recorded it. I was saying things like making her swear to me about being a good wife. I said just said that just to have some feeling of control, to feel like I had some sort of power. This was an isolated incident after she pushed me to my absolute limits. Ruined my holiday, disrespected my family, super demanding, and violent. We did make up and reconcile after this, but she kept the recording. Later when I mentioned divorce, she played the recording for the police, and she said I was abusive. She was able to get a protection order and support payments from me. But now, it's very difficult to divorce her because she can always make the claim that I abused her. It's nonsense, but she has that fantastic evidence. So I worry about getting into legal trouble for the stuff I said. And about her continuing to shake me down for her financial benefit. The process has been going on for six months now, and it makes me anxious and depressed, and plus I get rage feelings. The coping mechanism that I use is to drink copious amounts of alcohol. The problem with alcohol is it sometimes causes me to have manic behavior that can be very dangerous. AA does not work for me. I have gone for years, and I like aspects of it but overall it doesn't work. So I need to find some better coping mechanisms. There is no way for me to discuss the situation with her, and of course she has unlimited free legal resources whereas I have to pay for expensive lawyers for everything. I feel helpless and I obsess over this, which worsens the feelings further. I would appreciate any ideas or suggestions. Thank you.