Uncontrollable rage and BPD. I don't understand me

[Caseopia]

I lost my relationship with my best friend/boyfriend. I know we are not meant to be together but my mood swings are out of control and I took out my rage on him (verbally) I can't stop when I rage. I'm in meds for it but it's flaring up bad. I just feel too hard to handle. Everyone goes away. But I'm in therapy and working on the BPD. But my rage is scaring me. Not worried about violence but my mouth and screaming fits. I'm so tired of me.

[Hidden]

hello?/ mind an old stupid horseman teaacher....tell me to blow anytime......most of us...........are sensitive...............not in a bad way....but lets face it...........what hurts others............kills us.................ahhhhhhhhhhh..............how could he hurt me again!!!I'm sooo tired of being hurt or used or not heard or not loved ............i try but noooon one hears me or wants me or it hurts so bad..............dotn tell me its okay its not......don't tell me there will get anther don't tell me...................oooh I get it..............take a pad of paper and scribbleyour heart out....exericse ......burn off the hurt or hurt and hurt..........or make bread..................beat a rug.....go out in the woods and scream!!!! the injustice ano nooone one gets it..............how come they hurt but I HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURTTT.....oh I hear u..................big time...............becausee we are very very sensitive.....ur a flower not a crowbar...............my mother never hurts and can never fig her poor snetive ughglg son..............that's because she a tank an dstone .................u ...............are a flower.........much better than my mother stone....if I died she would notice................yes ur hurting treememdoouslly nhow........................now............................now.....................slowly ............the feelsing sloooooowlly heal......................super easy for me to say..............nothing wrong with u.................your not an selfish insensitive tank............sorry more a flower..............ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

pps....ur moore than welcome to tell me to blow............i soooo get it..........got just friends on speed dial brig............just friends ............or...............u? oh............ya .......relate but..........eassy for me to say...............i get it.................scream all u want......get rid of it.............we....................understand..............hardly shocking to us...........that have been there..................ya..........why wouldn't u?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

ooh...ha ha ummmmm pardon me miss................um one more thing.......have u ever seen someone...........man or woman after they lost their dog or horse? or cat or gerbil?? ahhhh vets kinda have an same when those shoes are on our feet............my neighbor lost his favorite hunting dog.......................he lives five miles from me..............then i heard this.................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! thought it was a cougar at first................nope..................george screaming over his dog.............then we all went....................oh of course..............just wait til my favorite horse goes............god............put me in a coma please for amonth maybe six...............ie ...................why wouldn't u scream!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why

wouldn't u?????????????????????????????/(no offense super easy fo me to say)

[Caseopia in reply to Hidden]

Why would I scream or get angry at your reply? Or did I misunderstand? I appreciate you replying

[Caseopia in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply

[Hidden]

I may not be able to relate to your BPD, but I DO relate, all to well, to your uncontrollable rage at loved ones. It's like a tsunami wave is billowing up inside you and even tho logically you know what's coming is bad and you don't want it to come out, you cannot control it. The rage and screaming comes out. Then you're left with horrible guilt and sobbing loves ones...for me, it was tied to sky high stress levels and hormones. Once I confessed to my doctor what was going on, and he explained that it wasn't a character flaw, but organic, I was able to (eventually) get myself under control. To the great relief of my family, and myself! This CAN be overcome!!❤️❤️

[Caseopia in reply to Hidden]

I feel the same exact way when I rage and start shaking so bad. thank you....I have hope

[Hidden]

Hi, i kinda had the same situation as you but my boyfriend kinda understand what I'm going through so he takes it all. I'm very short tempered over all but past few weeks I was acting out because i made a friend and i don't know what happened to me but I took a real mental toll on me and i started snapping out on everyone around me nobody still knows why I was like that but ahhhhhh being in that situation made my head spin, i wanted to scream on everyone , I will start crying for no reason. I missed what I had with my friend but it was wrong so I had to end it. It still hurts I couldn't focus on anything , every time i ate something i felt throwing up.... things are kinda better now , I still get mad at myself for doing things, not studying, chasing people , not doing things for myself, but I just hope it will get better and I do think you'll be better soon , just keep moving. The one thing I learned so far from all these experiences time heals things, time heals you! every time you feel like raging just try to think is this good ? should I really do this ? try to divert your mind from it.