Acceptance Struggles

[JP26]

Hi All I’ve been immersing myself in the Claire Weekes and Paul David books in an attempt to grasp the acceptance theory but I’m constantly struggling with what to do with my negative thoughts especially the ones where I keep saying ‘why’, like ‘why am I like this’ and ‘why is this happening to me’, I know this is self pity but it just destroys me. As well as that being around others is incredibly difficult because it kicks off those similar thoughts, ‘why me’ and ‘why can’t I be like them’ and ‘how can I fix this’.

I know they’re destructive unhelpful thoughts I’m supposed to ignore but they’re just so powerful and keep me locked in this vicious circle of misery. Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice with these type of powerful thoughts?

[CCPM]

Yes, I get it. "Why" questions can be very, very painful. A suggestion I've gotten is to switch out "Why" questions for "What" questions. (Like "What's one thing I can do now to feel better?")

I think the theory is that the brain likes to find answers to our questions and "What" questions help the brain focus on solutions.

{thecut.com/2017/05/to-make-... "Why questions draw us to our limitations; what questions help us see our potential. Why questions stir up negative emotions; what questions keep us curious. Why questions trap us in our past; what questions help us create a better future."}

[JP26 in reply to CCPM]

Yes ‘why’ and ‘should’ are big issues for me, thanks for suggesting an alternative

[CCPM in reply to JP26]

I completely understand. "Why" and "should" are definitely an issue for me, too. Here's to both of us moving on to better ways of thinking.

[CCPM in reply to JP26]

This discussion reminded me of another technique I've heard about: Ask yourself *only* positive "Why" questions, such as: "Why am I always happy no matter what?"

You'd think that your mind would argue with you and say "I'm not always happy," but, strangely, it does seem to come up with positive answers. (For me, it comes up with things like "Because I am good at reframing things" or "Because I am mentally strong." Those thoughts lead to positive feelings, which can pull me out of a rut.)

Of course, different things work for different people. Just throwing it out there in case it's helpful. Thanks for reminding me about it.

[JP26]

Sort of like tricking the mind, good idea. It’s hard to come up with the alternative sentences I find to the whys and shoulds, they come automatically without having to look for them but alternatives aren’t so easy!