Cant figure out what to do

[lolavee1]

Lately my mind has tortured me more than ever before, replays of past traumas, questioning my marriage that i recently decided to stay in, question my work, questioning people in my life and just all around not happy one bit. I've found myself on occasion trying to figure a way out trying to convince myself the world is better with out me. I don't feel i have a true purpose and its eating me every day every minute every second. I usually can deal on my own I've done for ever no but i dont feel strong enough anymore.

[Hidden]

We all have a purpose here on this earth and we don’t exactly know what that is! Sometimes I like to believe that the reason i’m struggling is so I can help someone else make them feel less alone because I have experienced so much in life. So i think my purpose is to help others.

You are stronger than you think! You got this, you will be okay! We are here for u ❤️

[Dave_H]

If you're really feeling like ending it because you 'don't matter', do yourself a favor and Google 'suicide survivors'. Make yourself read about what happens to the people who are closest to you go through after a suicide, and how it effects them the rest of their lives. I know you are in great pain, and it sounds like you feel worthless and that the world would be better off without you. That's a lie. You are worthy because you are a human being with a spirit within you. I am struggling with severe depression and seem to have no purpose or point to my life. You are seeing your life through the lens of depression, and it's distorted. If you haven't gotten professional help, do so now. You are asking deep questions such as 'what is the meaning of your life'. That's OK, so long as you can get to a point where the depression is under control. Then you will be in a position to evaluate your life and decide what, if any, changes need to be made to be OK with your life again. Until then, focus on doing whatever is necessary to get your depression under control. Be selfish about it if you have to. Give yourself a reprieve from the 'worthless' self talk, and focus on finding a solution to your disease. Leave no stone unturned. Make a mission out of it; that is your purpose right now. Don't beat yourself up feeling you 'don't have anything to offer'. Maybe you are so empty or in such pain that you can't be of much use to others right now. That's ok, as long as you are actively searching for a solution. THAT's your job right now, and no, it generally isn't quick or easy. Many, many people have felt the way you do right now, and have come out the other side. Don't quit until you find something that helps. YOU ARE WORTHY! Just sick at the moment, and it's not your fault. However, and I hate to have to tell you this, but YOU are responsible for tackling this problem, with the help of others. I wish someone could just wave a magic wand and fix it for me, and sometimes medication or therapy can do just that, but it is generally a process. Seek help, seek guidance, seek support, sometimes at the cost of everything else. Best wishes.