How can I show or express love to my wife in small ways everyday; up until a fight 2 weeks ago, she would receive my "I love you" with a smile or 'Me too'.
Now she just says love is a verb, show it; I pick flowers and give them to her, clean up the kitchen, etc, but she is looking for something else and says 'figure it out'
I’m still trying to figure out the whole marriage thing too. But I came across this saying the other day and it stuck with me. Not sure if will help but something else to consider.
Love is nothing without action.
Trust is nothing without proof.
Sorry is nothing without change.
Thank you PT81 for your response.
I read about your anxiety attacks; I have been having some lately although not as severe as yours. Last night was bad: today I am trying to observe my emotions and what causes the fear; limiting watching updates on coronavirus to 1 hour instead of 2-4 hours. Also not drinking alcohol and caffeine 2 cups a day.
The panic can get pretty intense. Good job at reducing the number of hours watching the news. That was a helpful change for me too. Keep being mindful and present in the moment. If we continue to do that, we’ll get to the other side.
My partner is the opposite, mostly excited about being back to work and being able to surprise.
So on the flip side of that why not DO something instead of buying. Take the do of the drive in, if recovered in your area. Plan a pedicure together (again, if available). If nothing else, plan a picnic at an open park. Cheese, wine,...... something you both love. Of couse right now we know every place is different, make a romantic night time picnic in your back yard. Ifshe can't appreciate and see the love in that - you might need to move a little more south!
Best wishes!
Ouch. I don't know what that means. Counselling? I hope it gets better soon 🙏
I did counseling with my partner and I couldn't believe it helped as much as it did
Ah, my dear friend. This is similar to a remark I made to my husband. Your wife may think you're on 'auto-pilot' in the relationship. You think all is well; yet she thinks you lost interest, or are somehow no vested in her personally. Such a female mentality, looking for action as PROOF of love. Consider what relationships she views in her circle of influence (TV shows, neighbors, family, etc). I'd like to suggest a realistic chat about love languages. How does she receive love?
Anyway, marriage is challenging. In some cases, I feel loved when he plans a meal for us or a date experience. I felt loved when he flew my best friend into town for my birthday. I've also changed my view to see my hubby's daily actions as loving: he comes home after work because he wants to be near me, his 'I love you' words on repeat do have meaning (I'm not allowed to deflect without a chat), etc.
Talking to her, ask her to be specific. I asked hubby, "What actions are showing me love?". He listed house chores and tasks for children. That was our gap - none of those things were on my list as "loving me, the wife". The house and kids need time & attention - that's true mutually exclusive of me. I'm the wife in a separate category who needs hubby's eye contact, conversation 1:1, physical touch, safety (no name calling), sharing ideas about the future, sharing an experience together.
My heart goes out to you. Keep talking. Seek further. Stay curious!!!
I agree, love is an action word. Hugs are free, and very healthy for both of you
Love and marriage is also about communication.
Here is a suggestion. There is a very helpful book called, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman at bit.ly/2LVaP4E. He explains the five languages of love as Words of Affirmation; Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. You will normally find all these in every person but one is more dominant. If her language is physical touch, doing things for her or giving her gifts might not be as well received as holding her hand or hugging her warmly. If her language is words of affirmation, she needs to hear how beautiful she is or she is creative, etc. Of course, the compliment must be sincere. A quality time person will feel loved by spending time with her even just by chatting on the porch. Try reading the book and maybe it can help you figure out.
I need to vent or I am gonna go crazy
Let it go
Coming out
I've figured it out with a lot of thinking..
In with the new out with the old rewire your brain 🧠 spring cleaning
