So I just had a counseling session, I was sitting here thinking that it felt good to connect with my past and let some of that out. I have been contemplating for some time now about writing a memoir about my life and how I thought I had it all together until this moment. How I prided myself on overcoming obstacles, when I wasn't really overcoming them at all. I want the focus to be about avoidance, deflection, and disassociation. Then once I have achieved a better state of mental wellness, I want to write a second book about how I am now really overcoming all of those obstacles the right way. I think I want to call it "Winning Twice," book 1 and book 2. What do you think?
I just made a mind map of the outline. I think that it might help you see the progression of my life in chronological order and what this book might look like.
1. Born in Portland Oregon and lived there until I was 6
2. My dad moved me, my mother, siblings, and his employee (my future step mother) to Texas. Separating us from ALL of our extended family
3. Grandpa almost died right in front of me in a dirt bike accident right before leaving for Texas
4. We drove to Texas, I had the chicken pox in the car
5. We moved to Houston, we were the only white family in our neighborhood (literally)
which is no problem. I just had to earn my keep. Rough neighborhood.
6. Dad taught us a valuable lesson about honesty involving the last slice of cake and who ate it
(long story)
7. A 17 year old neighbor attempted to rape me when I was 9
8. Mom passed when I was 12
(accidentally electrocuted in our house)
9. Dad married his employee
who was also my mom's best friend and our babysitter
10. Brother went into the Navy
11. Brother accused dad of murdering mom and is estranged
12. I went to college (I was the only person on both sides of my family to go to college and graduate)
13. I had a heatstroke which is around the time that I started having panic attacks and taking medication for anxiety
14. Called CPS on my dad
because my sister was left alone with no food
15. Dad lost everything (house, my college tuition, his business)
16. Dad divorced my step mother
17. I got pregnant after my 3rd year in college
18. I took off for 6 years to raise my son
19. I married an alcoholic
20. My husbands mother committed suicide after I discovered her addiction problems
21. After 5 years I divorced the alcoholic and became a single mother
22. I went back to college and finished my degree
23. Dad got married again to a crazy lady and moved to Oklahoma
24. I got married again to a crazy man (he wasn't crazy before the wedding) who went to a mental hospital
25. Dad and I both got divorced around the same time and dad came to live with me.
26. I was in 3 car accidents within the span of a year. None of which were my fault
.
27. I married a third time. This one cheated on me and spit in my face.
28. Dad is engaged to a woman he has met twice and lives in the Philippines
29. I started seeing a chiropractor that resurfaced my anxiety
30. COVID-19 = anxiety overload
That was a lot. Sorry 
Do you feel like this too? 
I feel like noon we sees me
Sometimes I feel like i don't deserve to be here
I feel like a faliure if I don't accomplish something?
When you feel like giving up
