So, something to chew on... ((yes I will always care for my family)) but- just for some biological reason, doesn’t mean you owe them sh*t

[Ubud2021]

So yesterday, something my online therapist pointed out to me was this. She stated “Your mother has a history of threatening to not take you to your medical appointments, then she ends up doing it right before... So, what do you think about waiting for a few days and see what happens?” And it was SOOOO weird that she had just messaged me, saying this. Because literally RIGHT before she sent this message to me, my mother had just texted me and said she will take me to the appointment, out of the blue.

Now, I guess she has “lifted” her blocking of my phone number because she’s been texting me. But, I haven’t been wanting to talk to her now. Not to punish them, or her, but for my own sanity.

I listened to an absolutely AMAZING podcast today, that gave me some enlightenment that, yeah, as of lately, she’s been a very toxic parent. (If any of you would like the link to this podcast, I’m more than happy to send it to you!!) This episode was so refreshing and so powerful and most of all, so helpful!!! Gives you things to think about, and gives you the strength you need.

I realize that my family is the one who initially shut me out of their lives, but now, now it’s my choice. As I’ve come to the conclusion (with the help of the podcast episode) that I need to become stronger. That I give my mother the power to tell me whether or not I’m smart. To tell me whether or not I’m successful, or that I’m a worth while person... but NOO! These are actually up for ME to decide. No one else.

And yes, having agoraphobia and all these other types of chronic fears, definitely play a big part. I know it’ll take time.

I was really thinking about taking my mom up on the ride to my appointment. But have a friend come with me, someone more neutral. Who wouldn’t just take my moms side, and share personal information with her as I’ve asked my friends not to.

But I found out what my whole family has been telling people, as well as one of my brothers, because he messaged my best friend, and I decided, no. I will not be near my mom for awhile. Again, I’m choosing this now. As she texted me she’s going to take me to my medical appointment, and pleading for the time.

It’s funny how things that were supposed to be a “lesson” for you or for you to hit your “rock bottom” or whatever this reverse psychology crap is, turns the other way around in the end. That you finally realize that this is what YOU actually need.

I’m done fighting. And when I’m done, I leave in silence.

[Msteacher]

Good for you!