Lazy or depressed? How do I know?

[Runningfargal]

Does anyone else struggle with wondering if they are just lazy or if depression is truly bringing them down and it may not not be something they can completely control? I should not be depressed and although I received a diagnosis over 2 years ago I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy towards the effort of fighting this so called depression. My logical brain can see the possibility, the other side see’s someone who just doesn’t want to try at life. How does someone finally say it is depression, I am ill and I deserve help and understanding? I know if I had a physical illness such as cancer there would be no doubt and accepting and asking for help would be easier, but with mental illness, all I do is question myself, everyday and tell myself if I would just try harder I wouldn’t be like this. But then of course I can not find the motivation to do so. It is like a vicious circle that never lets me begin to heal.

[NadiaB]

Hmm. Same here. I know I don't want to be unproductive and waste the day away. I make efforts to be the opposite but my mind and heart are not into the tasks at hand. There's no motivation no matter how hard I try to care. It's not laziness.

[hypercat54]

Why shouldn't you suffer from depression? Even people with the most fantastic lives can and do suffer from it, so it's not a weakness or any inadequacy in you. You have to be strong to survive it after all and to start healing.

To Nadia as well depression is a strange illness where there is no motivation so you have to force yourself to do something to get it. It's usually the other way but not with depression. Tha's why it's so hard to start breaking the cycle. x

[Runningfargal in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you, I’m trying to believe I am truly depressed. I’m considering “high functioning”, so because I can push through my day, do what needs to be done, be the mom, wife, trainer I have to be when I need to be, I keep falling back into the same thought pattern of thinking I cannot be depressed if I’m doing all this and not just staying in bed like I want too. But then I also have little to no feelings when it comes to the roles I play, little to no joy, happiness, peace, and when no one is looking, I crawl into bed and bury away until I have to be “on” again. It’s all I have to be who others need me to be, have nothing for myself and not sure I care anymore. Sorry not a happy post. Just the truth.

[hypercat54 in reply to Runningfargal]

Hi I too am considered high functioning as been able to hold down a job (normally) and my depression is usually mild. However there are times it does flare up a lot and then I become suicidal. Fortunately this doesn't last long but it's awful when it does.

There are different degrees in depression which ranges from mild to the very severe when you can't get out of bed but everyone can be helped. Don't forget too that without treatment mild depression can get more severe over time so it's best to seek treatment sooner rather than later. x

[bluestars725]

The loss of motivation for pretty much everything has been one of the hardest parts of having depression for me. After my depression diagnosis, when I said I was worried that people thought that I was just lazy, my doctor reassured me that this was absolutely not the case. Depression is an illness, and this loss of motivation can be a part of it. Very often no matter how much I try to pump myself up to do things, all I feel is "What's the point?" But I know that this is my mental illness making me feel this way. I keep trying to break this cycle too, but I understand how hard that is to do.

You do deserve help, understanding, and support. You're not alone. 💛

[Esther228]

Hi there,

Sometimes, when I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing, I have the tendency to sit and vegetate; read a book or watch T.V. When I start to formulate a plan for the day or week, I feel better.

When I feel down or unsure of what to do, it makes me think about a verse that I read in the Bible that says a people without a vision perish. The reason that means something to me is because I know that I can either decide to let my mind drift, or I can set it in order. I do that by making a decision, even if it is just to make sure that I get my house cleaned that day. Another thing that I started doing many years ago, was to start my day by reading the Bible and spending time in prayer. It is amazing how that changed so many areas of my life.

Are you struggling with what to do next in your life? Do you have long-term and short-term goals?

Are you taking medication for the depression? I pray that you start to feel better and that your mind is at ease. I am sure thinking of you and my thoughts and prayers are with you!

[Runningfargal in reply to Esther228]

Thank you, yes I have meds I just hate them, they just build a wall to all emotions and I’m just numb. Off at least I can cry sometimes.

[P1987]

The only way you will know is if you go to a healthcare provider and have them evaluate you. Shouldn't second guess what you are feeling and get help as soon as possible versus waiting until you are so far into depression and having a harder time to improve and heal from it. Look up the symptoms for depression, if you seem to be relating to some of the symptoms, then you should get into see a healthcare provider for proper diagnosis. Don't use website as a means to self diagnose. As always, go and see a HCP, if it turns out you don't have depression, at least you have gained some peace of mind!

[Runningfargal in reply to P1987]

Thank you, I’ve been diagnosed with MDD, social and generalized anxiety. So I have the “labels” but I’m considered high functioning so it makes me doubt myself everyday on some level. Thank you for answering.

[Runningfargal]

Thank you for the support everyone, it helps to be reassured I have a illness that maybe I can’t control on my own, I really struggle with that and asking for help but maybe it’s time. I have a therapist who has been with me for awhile and through 2 hospitalizations and and worse (yep I am still in some denial) but maybe time to just give in to someone fully for help, it’s so hard to do. That vulnerability is a big step when you’ve cared for yourself for so long. It feels so wrong to ask for help.

[hypercat54 in reply to Runningfargal]

Part of the numbing of emotions is reluctance to ask for help coz you feel you don't deserve it. I struggle with that myself but have started to ask a bit. x

[Runningfargal in reply to hypercat54]

How have you best found to do that? I’d welcome any tips. I never asked for help even as a kid, I never remember going to anyone for help emotionally.

[hypercat54 in reply to Runningfargal]

Me neither until I got quite a bit older. I learnt from an early age that I was on my own in life and that I wasn't worth anything to anyone least of all myself. I was taught only weak people ask for help, and if I did they would say no anyway. Now I know that it's a sign of strength, not weakness.

I started opening up to friends a bit more about my depression and myself but only to those who were receptive. Others I didn't go there at all. I have always been willing to help others when I can, so asked for some minor things at first. Such as saying things like I really want to do this instead of what they wanted as normally I go with the flow regardless. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't but that was ok I was only practising. I asked several friends to help me with clearing up my flat coz it is a midden and one agreed. I felt good about it but still a little bit ashamed. But that's ok we all need a bit of help sometimes. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Asking for help is a sign of strength?

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Yes. It's recognising that you need help and it's time to call in the troops. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Lol. Troops, please.

[P1987 in reply to hypercat54]

Strong enough to stand alone, Smart enough to know when you need help, and Brave enough to ask for it! -Unknown

Your troops are the people who will support you when come to them for help! I totally get it! - Counselor, support group, doctors, nurses, family, friends, and etc.!

[Hidden]

How are you doing at the moment, hope you have had some improvement

[artistgardener]

I am going through the exact same thing you describe. You describe it perfectly. Please let's try and help each other. Perhaps daily communication for a while would help. Daily encouragement. Help each other take one small step at a time. That's what I need anyway. I'm here if you need me.