Hi I am a retired Counselling Psychologist living in Philadelphia, previously from the UK. I have found this forum very kind and full of useful advice from people who have the most knowledge. They are the people who are experiencing the world now and who are trying to get through their life gently.
I try to give advice from both a counselling point of view and from my own personal knowledge of living my life as a very anxious person.
Hello👋 I’m Andy from Lancashire🏴Good to have you here. This group is filled with such kind people.
Hope is everything👍
So glad you are here!
Thankyou for sharing your experience and personal feelings. I hope you will feel free to chime in. Im a retired RN, worked for 45 yr( no psychology experience). I knew I had depression that bothered me off and on over the years but was clueless that I had anxiety until I retired 3 yr ago. I was busy taking care of everyone else and conveniently ignored my issues. Im really good at advising others...🌝
Yes
You sound like the perfect person to advise others, like me you know what’s it’s like to have anxiety. But you also know that just by knowing how to deal with anxiety is different from experiencing it yourself. ❤️
Im the self appointed Dr Phil... my advice is what you pay for, lol.
Welcome. In your experience as a person living with anxiety, what are some of your best strategies?
Hi,
I find sitting down quietly when I am feeling anxious for ten minutes is helpful, perhaps with hot drink or some water. Then just do nothing, it works every time. ❤️
But we all know ten minutes is a long time when we are feeling stressed, so work up to it gently and you may find you are sitting for longer.
It is not wasting time, it’s making time. ❤️❤️❤️
I seem to be the opposite. I am depressed just sitting around and get drowsy and ruminate. It's hard to get up in the am and hard to go to bed before 1 am. But if I can force myself to get up and do something, I feel much better. However, I do find help in a deep breathing relaxation exercise of 15 mins.
I don't feel like I would be depressed if I didn't have illness anxiety syndrome. I am anxious over everything physical and going to a doctor. I have HBP, use a cpap, and notice every bodily sensation. I believe I was born fearful and can remember being afraid of things (vacuum cleaners, Santa Clause, elevators, etc) and that was 3 years old and before. But I have had periods of happiness in my life. Triggers like losing a sibling when I was 8 (she was 23) set me up for many years of anxiety, not right away but by the time I was 12. It's been recurring ever since. The anxiety causes depression seems clear to me.
Welcome Anxious Therapist. I applaud your humility in understanding that often the patient/client has much to share with the “teacher.” My relationship with my counselor has, throughout the years, turned into one of mutual benefit. Of course she “puts on her hat” while in session, but there are many areas of her life I can help her with. It has made it much easier to share intimate details of what I’m going through and we both know each other’s backstory. Trust in therapy, I find, is extremely important to say the least. Glad you’ve joined us.
Hi LilyAnnepuppy,
I find what you wrote about your therapist interesting. There are obviously many different kinds of therapy and therapists and one must chose and stay with the type of therapy and person that works for them.
For the benefit of a different perspective, I wanted to share my experience.
In my personal experience with Jungain Analysis for 5 years, I know nothing at all about my therapist other than the very little that is available about him on the internet.
At first I found this really frustrating. Why can't I know about him. What has he got to hide etc.
I discovered that when the therapist doesn't bring any of their personal life into the sessions it makes the journey of self discovery easier. Ultimately the therapist and client are both trying to understand the client. This is a long, slow and often difficult journey. Once the therapist brings their own baggage consciously into the room it can obscure that journey.
It is interesting that you write about trust in therapy. I did find that I felt that maybe if I knew my therapist more I could trust him better. In a way though, I think it was more about wanting to have control over him. The more I knew about him the more human he became. I could know about his failures and struggles and thus even the playing field.
I think that with time I noticed that it was his consistent attention to and desire for my well-being that helped to cement the trust in our relationship whilst at the same time keeping the focus on the parts of my life that need attention.
I am thinking whether I should post this message or not. Please don't take it in any way as a criticism of what works for you. I just wanted to share a different perspective.
Thank you for your perspective. I can understand what you are saying. And the relationship with my psychiatrist is more like you describe. There’s no way to “read” her (and therefore control). I have to practice the faith in the process more than be comfortable with a shared relationship.
Like I said, the therapist and I have known each other for years and have evolved into what works. I also am a member of a 12 step program which affords me the opportunity to bare my soul to another human being on a regular basis. And some people have formal training in psychology.
Believe me I have given much thought, prayer and discussion with my professionals about the quality of my therapy and it’s working well for me at the moment. I appreciate your concern.
I am passing on this report I read from a health institute (I can't remember which one--like JH-which ever-it is well known. Their research revealed that the type of therapy didn't matter in the success, it was the relationship with the therapist--how comfortable you are with him or her and trust.
I think listening is the most important part of therapy. If you have a conversation with anyone they always want to bring in their own experiences, with therapy it’s all about you, or it should be. That’s why psychoanalysis works because the other person is listening intently. Although Anna Freud would bring her knitting into session, I think that would put me off lol. ❤️
Thank you Lily, you have what everyone should have, a good therapist who is working for you and not just to make money. You are very fortunate. ❤️
She is a great therapist. And when we are “in session” it is all about me and that’s what I’m paying her for. I’m not interested in her stuff and am not going to waste my time on pleasantries.
I noticed a lot of responses above from others who may have gotten the impression that she is somehow unprofessional because I know who she is, well that’s not the case. I trust her knowledge, experience and training. And have not been slighted at all during our counseling by having to have the focus being on anything but me. I wouldn’t stand for that.
And yes if she were knitting, I would have a problem with that too. Lol
Hi ge99.
Welcome to the site. I hope you find this wonderful site to be personally rewarding, supportive and helpful.
I totally agree that the clients’ therapeutic needs should always come first. I just wish everyone could find and get the help they deserve.
I believe there is nothing quite like personal experience as a teacher. Knowing oneself well is crucial. That is why therapy is often advised for those who make counseling their profession. The can therefore get firsthand experience being on the other side. I suppose most people may know that already.
Thank you. I am so glad you joined. We could all use your input and hope to be helpful to you also.
Best wishes ❤️
Hi,
As part of my training I had to have therapy, group therapy and monthly supervision, after being qualified I had to have monthly supervision. I think the therapist you choose as a supervisor is very important, if you work for an organisation you cannot choose your supervisor and some are more concerned about numbers coming through the door, rather than how you are coping.
I was fortunate to work mainly in private practice with only some nhs work. I chose my supervisor well and I got good advice and also support. Some therapists are not so lucky and can only talk about clients and therapies and not their own feelings, if they did it could appear to the supervisor as weakness. ❤️
Yes, I suppose luck is part of it. I agree that attending therapy and peer supervision is a strength not a weakness. To me, the most dangerous type of therapist can be one who is arrogant, and thinks they always knows best. Good character and humility are just as important as knowledge.
That’s true, I do laugh out loud at the therapist in the new series After Life by Ricky Gervais though. ❤️
I’ll have to check that out.
Thanks.
I hope people recognise that the therapist in After Life isn't at all like a real therapist. Ricky is playing on a stereotype there which could be reinforced. However, he may be uncovering a truth that some therapists unconsciously project.
All the same, he is hilarious as is all of Ricky's work.
Regret I didn’t have u years ago when I needed rest.
Unfortunately I got the opposite from a so called. Doctor
Lessons learned be very careful who unopen up to no matter how small. They love to play games and tough love even unwarranted
Can insult u fAmiky or day or do anything
Hello,
I believe that psychologists are 100% better prepared to give far better advice when they have experienced not only anxiety but also the real affects that anxiety in itself leads to. We definitely need more people like yourself on this forum.
LeRned the hard way betwen doctors and therapists or friends and colleagues
Never again
Welcome
iam so grateful having you here..
Glad to be here ❤️
Ge99,
Welcome to our world. Always great to have others perspective on anxiety. Oh, thanks for the tip, btw. Talk anytime, we r all in this together!
Therapy should be all about the client, if someone asked me about myself, if I had some of their experiences I would just say that I knew where they were coming from, but not expand on that.
I did not have any social media profiles when I was practicing only my professional website. I don’t think you need to let others know all about you when you are in a professional relationship, that is for your friends and family.
Social media is good if you are trying to promote yourself as a real human being in the real world. People can then see that you are human and have a sense of humour, etc. This is good if you want to branch out and do other things. People sometimes get wary when they talk to a psychologist, they think they have super powers, we don’t we are just like everyone else, but we want to help people. That is our super power. ❤️
I tend to disagree. I trust people more who are transparent, authentic and willing to share. I would relate more to someone who had been through the same problems I was having and successful and dealing with them.
The best counselor I had was when I was 25. He was straightforward, mentioned he had rebellious problems as a youth and still struggled with being brusque at times. He did not label his clients and used cognitive therapy before it was even popular. This was my most successful therapy experience, the results lasted for a long time, and sessions did not go on for years. I think I saw him less than a year.
I have probably had some ten counselors over the years. (I am a senior.) The worst was one who said he loved me, and I became emotionally dependent and had feelings for him. He made me feel attractive and interesting and I was flattered at a time I needed it. But later when I moved away, he wrote to me. I had seen through him by then and had no good feelings about the experience as he seemed to still have.
Hi Janella,
When you start training as a therapist you are always encouraged by your tutors to be authentic, non judgmental, and someone who listens rather than takes the lead in a conversation.
In CBT therapy this can be difficult as you have a lot of information to impart to the client. Sometimes this can lead to some therapists becoming experts in the relationship and then it’s easy for the therapist to be seen by some as being arrogant and officious. If you can work harmoniously together in your sessions then it can be a very worthwhile relationship, but the balance can be very hard to achieve in some cases.
As to the question of an open relationship in a counselling session. The skill here for the counsellor is to always have their own ethical boundaries in place, they may have to give a little information to their client, but not allow their own personal life to dominate the session.
You may not even notice that your therapist has said very little, but you have talked non stop. This is good therapy.
A therapist also has to realise that the people they are seeing at this time are very vulnerable, they may be counselling the client at the lowest point in their lives and they should not take advantage of this.
If a therapist is drawn to their client romantically then this is the point where the relationship should end. As the therapist is not working on their clients problems, they are only fulfilling their own needs and desires, even if the client appears to be agreeable at the time.
These kinds of happenings are overstepping the ethical boundaries of the therapeutic relationship and I think are quite rare, as you can be struck off your professional register and never work again if you are found out. But as you have written this does sometimes happen.
Therapists are in a position of trust just like a doctor, and they should always be aware of their own power and responsibility in the relationship and always respect their clients. But sadly some don’t. ❤️
Hi, I can relate. I'm an anxious therapist, more anxious now because of the pandemic. Any advice is useful, thanks, Eric.
Hi Eric, thanks for that, the more people who admit they are scared the better.Then they can move on.
Because you personally can do nothing only keep yourself safe, which in turn keeps everyone else safe. ❤️
You mean therapists are people too? I am a retired teacher living in NYC/usa. Stay-at-home person! STuck in my broklyn apt. It is getting harder. Eventhough I feel somewhat unjustified in complaining.
I would say complain as much as you like, we are living in extraordinary times, you are justified in your complaints. ❤️
Oh my goodness someone from the other side to share with...
And someone who is also one of us.
Welcome. Greetings. I am so looking forward to your insight -- gleaned from both sides.
Thank you. We help each other.
Thank you for being able to help and share in any way...
Thank you for helping.
Hello. Glad to have you here. Always helpful to have someone knowledgeable about mental health as there is such a stigma. I myself have suffered from anxiety and depression since adolescence and now in 40s. I know I have family with it as well. But one think I try to figure out is, is the depression chemical imbalance,neurological, or situational conditioned by my thoughts on how I feel. I was born prematurely and have also discovered some adhd as well as I have gotten older and it is more prominent now with kids and adults..What are your thoughts as wells as anyone else’s on all of that..
Thank you!
Welcome ge99 it's a pleasure to have tou here on this group with your expertise and experiences 😊
xx
I’m back! 
I miss my therapist 
Feeling so anxious
Anxious? There's always hope!
