It’s like I can never just have a good time. My depression just creeps up on me and I start to feel guilty for having fun or being happy . I start to fight to stay happy and positive because the stress and sad feelings I have ruin my night . I then start to get like exhausted of human interaction and rather just go home and dwell in my pain. Why does this always happen.
p.s I take anti depressants, and I have a therapist I just started sessions last week so hopefully it helps but still this sucks
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shewolf_
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I think this waiting for something bad to happen. A lot of people do it. And we don’t know we do or we might deny we do. I think for many of us it comes from trauma at a very early age. Mine was in uetero until age 2. Physical abuse by my father. And then mixed messages from my mom who I haven’t spoken to in I think about 4 years. It was a very helpful step when I started realizing I was always prepared for or expecting the worst. I think it is a coping mechanism. Can be trauma or PTSD related.
I have similar feelings. I take medication for anxiety/depression but I just feel guilty when I'm happy. I read the other responses and although I agree it might be from a traumatic event, I don't have any significant reason from my past to bring up my guilt. My anxiety/depression has gotten worse since the pandemic, and all my worrying has been causing more stress and creating more symptoms which causes me to worry even more. Maybe I feel guilty that other people are out there working and putting themselves at risk while my spouse is fortunate enough to work from home and I'm a stay-at-home mom anyway. Watching the news definitely doesn't help but my husband insists on watching it every night so I try to be in a different room. I made an appt for Monday to possibly change my medication. I am sick of going through this torture and suffering every day.
From my own personal experience with antidepressants they make me feel 100 times worse or I walk around like a zombie with no emotion. I don’t doubt that for some people anti-depressants do wonders but you have to check yourself. I hate to be this person but really do your homework and bring a journal because a lot of these therapist just want your 100 an hour and will see you and smile nod and say nothing. Do you exercise? How about your diet? If you want a work out program I’d be happy to write you one. Also keep a journal near by when you start to get depressing thoughts write down the thought and the time then when your in a better mood look back and respond to your negative thoughts I found myself laughing after awhile like why in the hell have I been making myself anxious and depressed. Quiet the noise (negative thoughts) write down your goals and knock them all down. You’re not alone! You’ll get through this but you have to be willing to be uncomfortable for a little bit! I believe in you best of luck!
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ME + ALONE TIME = LOVE/HATE IT
I can’t sleep. 
physically tired but can’t sleep 
Anxious All The Time 
Can’t stop crying. 
