Does anyone else feel like a spectator to their own life?

[Genetic-username]

I get this feeling all the time, it's as if my brain completely shuts down and goes on autopilot. I won't even know that this is happening until after it's over. It's almost as if I lose consciousness for a period of time but instead of the rest of me shuting down it's only my ability to presive what is going on around me. I will still function, I'll play games, do school work, and even have full conversations but it's as if I wasn't actually there for any of it. I lose control of what I do or say and end up either completely turning off or sometimes just sitting there spectating myself. I'm afraid I'm losing touch with myself. Does this happen to anyone else?

[Jeff1943]

This is a well known side effect of snxiety disorder called depersonalisation or derealisation. Your brain senses your anxiety, things you're in a dangerous situation and is trying to distance you from the danger.

I had it in the 1970s before it had fancy names, I called it "feeling like I'm not here" or watching everything I could see on a television.

It passed once I brought the anxiety disorder under control though I still feel it slightly in very brightly lit supermarkets.

[Jimmyspadge in reply to Jeff1943]

Hello Jeff, I noticed your point about being in a large supermarket with bright lights and how it affected you and still does a little. I have had this experience and I found it totally bewildering to a point that I was just staring at the groceries but was unable to think at all really and do anything except stand there just staring into nothingness. I went home and the feeling lasted for about three hours although I probably made it worse thinking about it and trying to work out what the feeling was because to be honest it actually petrified me.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Jimmyspadge]

I suppose tinted glasses would help. I also used to feel slightly spaced out in offices with strong fluorescent lighting. Fortunately I was always able to switch to ordinary incandescent table lights in any office I worked in.

It is most interesting to find someone else who has the same experience, I offer no explanation as to why this happens. Perhaps it is a form if photophobia, an over reaction to bright light caused by anxiety disorder which causes our nervous system to become over sensitised and this applies to the nerves in our eyes too. Yes that could be it because in the days that I had derealisation my eyes were always sensitive to normal lighting levels too.

As I say, tinted glasses are helpful, I ended up with quite a collection, but the real answer to the problem is to find respite and recovery from anxiety disorder through medication, therapy - or the understanding we can acquire from the many good self-help books.

[Jimmyspadge]

I would agree with your points regarding being over sensitised. I have read all of Claire Weekes books and they do help. I do practice acceptance of the symptoms and the acceptance of why we feel such high anxiety levels over the simplest of things. The important factor is to realise that even with total acceptance we have to be very very patient and wait for the feelings to subside without focusing on them too much. I sometimes have nice dreams which wake me up and I feel great. Unfortunately the good feelings disappear quickly but at least they are there if only for a short while to give some respite

[Jeff1943 in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Claire Weekes' method brings understanding and reassurance, then as you say the next stage is persistent practice of acceptance bearing in mind Let time pass.

My anxiety is inherited so I will never be entirely free of it but CW's method helps me from over worrying and over thinking and so helps each episode to pass quickly.

I wish you good luck in your own work to overcome anxiety.

[Jimmyspadge in reply to Jeff1943]

Thanks and all the best to yourself