Does anyone else feel like they are a victim of their own poorly trained instincts?

[Survivalbrain]

It's like my own instincts want me to do almost nothing, hoping that enough safety and rest will help me recover enough to want to do some living. But the less I do, the easier it is for a negative inner critic to show up and sabotoge my feelings of safety and ability to rest. It's like this internal thing that can find fault in anything that I do and drags my mood down. I have ways of combatting that now but I am wondering why my own insticts are conflicting each other. Why am I self sabotoging my own attitude toward myself?

[Roxylox]

I do that a bit too, plus l often think people think badly of me. I hope l am not always right in that respect. I think many people self-sabotage.

[Survivalbrain in reply to Roxylox]

Interesting you mention that. One of my more recent audiobook studies has been about self-image. Or to me that how we think and feel about ourselves and it seems to affect our social interactions. The audio book seemed a bit pushy for me, had to take a break from it but got some simple practices to do that are supposed to help me think about myself more positively. It's basically taking time to remember some time in your life when you had success or something good happen that you contributed to and you felt good or awesome about.

[Roxylox in reply to Survivalbrain]

That's something good to think about, thanks.

[AnxiousSilver]

"negative inner critic to show up and sabotoge my feelings"

First and foremost, you are relatively new here, and I want to welcome you here.

Second, what I quoted above is difficult for people with anxiety to deal with. It something that I still struggle with greatly. Sometimes on a daily basis.

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But.. While I can't fix you, because each of our inner critics are different (some of it being due to past history), I can say, "I get it and I understand".

A lot of us here struggled in the past, or are still struggling with our inner critic, and you are in good company here.

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"Why am I self sabotoging my own attitude toward myself?"

I can't say "why", because each one of us has a different reason why our inner critic is working against us, but I hope that with you being here, that you find out why that it is "for you". (and I hope that I do the same for myself)

Either way, this is a safe and supportive community, and we are all trying our best to help each other out.

[Survivalbrain in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Would you be willing to humor me a bit? I found some information that changed my life about anxiety by asking myself a simple question when it comes up. It can be a short series of questions to help paint the picture.

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Survivalbrain]

" I found some information that changed my life about anxiety by asking myself a simple question when it comes up."

What information or questions are you asking yourself? (or are they situational)

I trying to follow along, and possibly relate.

[Survivalbrain in reply to AnxiousSilver]

What I found in my research is that anxiety can be helpful, in the right situation. It's good for taking tests or responding to emergency situations. I used to think of it to be a bad thing for a long time and that only made it worse.

It's easy enough to identify when it shows up and by taking a second to identify the trigger. Then I would ask myself if the reaction is appropriate for the situation. I would go for walks in the park and would find that my anxiety would get triggered because of simply seeing or hearing people. This created great opportunities to ask myself if this automatic reaction is appropriate for the situation. Is this a life threatening emergency or a test to pass a class or other high stakes event?

99.9% of the time the answer is no, and that got through to me. Doing those experiments helped my brain to realize that it was over-reacting and it didn't need to do that. It totally can if it wants to, but it doesn't need to. Anxiety is not required for every micro event in my life anymore and I am very greatful for learning that.

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Survivalbrain]

"What I found in my research is that anxiety can be helpful, in the right situation. It's good for taking tests or responding to emergency situations. I used to think of it to be a bad thing for a long time and that only made it worse. "

2 times this year my father needed to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency.

One of those times, my mother and brother "froze", and as I watched them "freeze up" I immediately took over and got them to call 911 and get help.

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Another "emergency situation" where it "helps" is where you are driving along, and maybe your brain "zones out" for a second, or maybe the car in front of you slams on their brakes.

In that split second your mind is making that instant decision to brake or swerve your vehicle.

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I do agree that there are times where it's useful, but for a lot of "non anxiety people" they don't understand why we are constantly anxious, or why certain triggers for us bother us, and not them.

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Survivalbrain]

'It's easy enough to identify when it shows up and by taking a second to identify the trigger. Then I would ask myself if the reaction is appropriate for the situation. I would go for walks in the park and would find that my anxiety would get triggered because of simply seeing or hearing people. This created great opportunities to ask myself if this automatic reaction is appropriate for the situation. Is this a life threatening emergency or a test to pass a class or other high stakes event?

99.9% of the time the answer is no, and that got through to me. Doing those experiments helped my brain to realize that it was over-reacting and it didn't need to do that. It totally can if it wants to, but it doesn't need to. Anxiety is not required for every micro event in my life anymore and I am very greatful for learning that."

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Overall, what you wrote there this is good advice.

I honestly appreciate that you shared that, but for me, I get easily anxious/stressed out with my GAD, and one of my biggest triggers is noise. I have a HORRIBLE startle reflex that usually leads into a panic attack afterwards. (Especially on my bad anxiety/stress days, also loud noise in general that's not sudden can unfortunately do the same thing)

Where I live, and I really don't have the means to move, I sometimes deal with noisy neighbors that live right above me. (It's a long story)

My home used to be my one and only safe zone, especially after covid became a thing, but now it's sometimes not my safe zone anymore.

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Loud Noise, especially "startle noise" can sometimes just trigger me into a panic attack automatically. It's different than say, somebody that has a phobia of driving over a bridge. The bridge phobia can be visualized, talked out, and planned, or even possibly avoided with a different travel route. (if available)

With my situation, it's automatic, and sadly a lot more out of my control, and I don't know how to deal with it.

[Survivalbrain in reply to AnxiousSilver]

That's a tough one, I think I can relate but that was along time ago when all I wanted was peace and quiet so I could rest for awhile. Every noise would seem like an insult to my desire for deep sleep and rest and to feel safe. That was also a period of my life where my self confidence was very low and had no idea what to do about it.

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Survivalbrain]

Any idea on how you got over it, and how you got through?

Noise when I am stressed, and when I have little control over it has been a problem for me my entire life.

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For example.. When I as a child, I was bullied at school physically and mentally a lot, so when the fire alarm went off, I'd jump in my seat. It wasn't good.

Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Survivalbrain in reply to AnxiousSilver]

I recommend looking into Complex PTSD. There's a book by Pete Walker that describes it very well called CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving. I am also a part of a CPTSD support group called stuffthatworks. Between therapy and that book, I was able to understand I had similar automatic problems and learned to talk to myself and work through the issues buried in my mind. I'm still working through and forgiving myself for my own issues and learning how to take back my personal power from essentially bad mental and emotional habits. I've been able to reduce the automatic negativity and am starting to practice self appreciation to build my self worth and self confidence. Wish I would've looked into building my self-confidence when I was younger and it's actually very easy. Probably didn't seem like enough of a challenge at the time but man I am suffering from it later in life.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Survivalbrain]

Is it an open online support group? If so, could you help me find it?

[Survivalbrain in reply to Nothing_but_books]

stuffthatworks.health/ Try that.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Survivalbrain]

I don't understand. I don't see anything about a support group. Am I missing something?

[Survivalbrain in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I put a link in there for a website.

[HereForTheDuration]

Self-sabotoge mixed with trying to apply logic to it never really ends well. Believe me, I understand from personal experience. My mind is very similar to a mine field. One wrong step.........

[Survivalbrain in reply to HereForTheDuration]

Harsh inner critic?

[HereForTheDuration]

I'm like Popeye. "I am what I am....." It's the only way I've ever known how to cope.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to HereForTheDuration]

There's more to that quote. I beg to disagree with the rest of it. Your anxiety's most definitely NOT all you yam. It's merely -- okay, not merely, that's not a big enough word -- it's the nasty route you learned to trot. There's more to you than that. There's more to me than that too.

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[HereForTheDuration]

I'm a big movie guy, so I reference movie scenes that pretty much are dead on in describing how I'm feeling. Yes, I am a Twighlight fan and was always Team Jacob. I never liked Edward. Anyway, the scene is when Edward dumps Bella and splits town leaving Bella devastated. The director creates a mood with a montage of the camera rotating around Bella as she is looking out of her bedroom window, with a blank stare, as the seasons just pass by is so spot on with my thoughts, "...just wait, stay safe, freeze so I don't put myself in harm's way." It is fear. I don't know how to beat it but I can recognize now that the hiding, avoiding, isolation, etc. is all about fear.

[Survivalbrain in reply to HereForTheDuration]

Sounds spot on. Hiding and isolation is a survival instinct. Just sucks when it kicks in over something that is not physically harmful but causes emotional pain or injury. It’s more difficult to identify the source of emotional danger and easier to be paranoid about it after getting hurt.