Midnight thoughts

[Justagirl23]

Do you guys also experience that you have like a decent good day and then the night comes and sadness creeps in, you go to bed and every bad thought, all your problems roam around in your room and life sucks again, and you want to die again. I don’t get it.

[Justagirl23]

True, I want to break it all down to someone but even if I talk to my friends I can’t really express exactly how I feel and they don’t really get it all.

[Downandout123 in reply to Justagirl23]

It happens to me too. When I'm working during the week, it's bad, but when night comes or the weekends, forget it-it's much worse.I'm alone with my thoughts. Not a good place to be.😣

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Downandout123]

One thing if I can remember it takes discipline and practice.... Practice and getting in the habit of saying “I am not my thoughts “ we are not our thoughts. Once you can separate those two powerful words, it eases the anxiety and depression for me anyway even if it’s just 1/3. Hope that helps anyway. Possibly write that on an index card or two and put around the house or an alarm on your phone😊

[cmore in reply to Downandout123]

I totally understand how you feel.

[Survivor4Ever in reply to Justagirl23]

Can totally relate

[ukpete]

I know exactly what you mean, I don’t want to die though I want to go to bed and sleep with a happy mind, obviously this Coronavirus is in my thoughts constantly and even though I’m ok it’s starting to get to me,

[Survivor4Ever]

Yes... It’s a mind trap. Ruminating thoughts about something must be on your mind that’s what happens to me when I have a good day and it goes really bad. Is there something you can do at night that you use love doing and can do at night or evening before bed? Maybe even going to bed earlier might help ...Possibly mediate or journal, read a book, watch Tv, pray,look forward to the next day and how it makes you feel . Figuring out what it is that on your subconscious . There’s something that is making you so depressed is that Is the key. I hope you feel better

[PastelPink20 in reply to Survivor4Ever]

Great advice!! I agree. Finding a positive activity during the night to help with the transition into sleep time is a must.

[scarr6]

Yes! I have been having a similar experience this past week. It's especially weird when there don't seem to be clear triggers, such as having had a good day. I agree with Survivor4Ever. Finding something to do that helps you unwind and that is part of a routine can be very helpful. Part of the way our brain plays tricks on us is that it gets into a habit, a routine of doing things. Sometimes the struggle is to replace that, finding other ways of getting ready for bed that don't involve so much negative self-talk to try to get our brains into new habits that are kinder to us.

[PastelPink20 in reply to scarr6]

Yes! It’s like... you can’t just expect yourself to stop the negative thoughts or stop the bad habit, but it’s an active process of acknowledging them and replacing them with a new routine or positive thoughts.

[Ubud2021]

Oh, definitely. I feel like this is a normal thing that just happens. Not saying it’s normal to get really depressed at night and start to feel suicidal. Normal as in, most of here experience a similar feeling. I mean, how can you not? Your day is pretty productive, you’re up and doing things that keep your mind kind of busy. Also, the sun is shining (which makes me happier.) But, then it gets dark, you settle down, and your mind isn’t being stimulated in activities that distract you from the crappy feelings. Also, I bet it’s quieter, which leads to more thoughts being able to swirl around up in the noggin. Me, I’m single. So I don’t have anybody to talk to or snuggle with at night. And when your feeling depressed, sometimes you start thinking about relationships cause you’re feeling alone. I try to fill the silence. With maybe watching a funny tv show or movie. I try to lean towards comedy based stuff because things are hard. Or maybe I will journal. That helps keep my mind occupied. Yeah, I may be writing my crappy feelings down, but I get them out. Which helps me feel a lot better. Especially before bed. So I’m not trying to go to sleep with all this pent up anger, sadness, or worry. I keep writing until I am ready to fall asleep. Sometimes I even have a comedy show playing in the background while journaling, or soft meditation music for noise. It helps me so much. Just a suggestion!

[Ubud2021]

Also, my inbox is always open if you’d ever like to chat! Even at night time (: because I get it.

[Purpletulip1]

Yes and cant go to sleep at all every night my mind race

[PackerGirl]

Every. Single. Night. Like clockwork. I feel like I’ve used every ounce of energy to make it through a day and by the time I get to bed, I’m so tired from pretending to be ok it just overwhelms me. I talked to my therapist about it today. He encouraged letting the tears just come, let it out. He also suggested no social media, tv or electronics 2 hours prior to bed as that stimulates your responses and causes difficulty with sleep. Journaling or reading “fluff” books sometimes help me but tonight, I can’t stop crying. I decided to let it out and reach out here. I do hope you feel better in the morning, there’s always support here.

[PastelPink20]

Lol yes.

There’s something about the nighttime that brings forth this vulnerability. To be alone with your mind away from the world. To listen to your emotions without distractions or evidence in front of you.

It’s almost like my brain is stuck on loop. Or a CD with a scratch on that one song. I listened to it, enjoyed the songs, and then I get to that unbearable skipping or whatever noise.. I honestly don’t remember since it’s been so long since I listened to a CD.

Why? Why is the nighttime like this? What can I do to help myself?

Personally, my mind kind of comes awake at night. I think my brain takes up its introvert energy dealing with people and things. Being alone is a chance to unwind and also re-evaluate my life and my whole day or every interaction with people.

Do I like running through a list of my worries at night?

Do I like wishing I’d die or thinking about the things I did wrong?

Um lol no.

I can’t stand sitting in my bed and waiting to fall asleep. When I was younger, I used to imagine stories. I’d be in a jungle or swimming across seas or having adventures in the magic tree house.

Anyways, once all this depression stuff hit hard or whatever, it messed with my ability to sleep. Because I didn’t want to be alone with myself.

Here’s what I do:

1. I take my meds. (Yay, they knock me out in an hour or two... I forgot today and now it’s too late).

2. I go through a normal-ish routine that helps relax me. (Like oh wash my face and feel clean, change into fuzzy socks and pjs, surround myself with pillows and my pillow pet).

3. Then, I read before I go to bed. (Sometimes I watch a show but it often gets too exciting and then I can’t sleep. Recently, I play Animal Crossing or Breathe of the Wild on the switch. I actually don’t read an actual book - I read webcomics that update every week while I listen to this “reading playlist” I made. It has soundtracks, rain noises, piano, a few YouTube sad calm songs. So I have this habit of reading these short episodes but now I look forward to certain days for the updates and liking the comments. I have done this for maybe a year? I think turning down the brightness of my phone, listening to the same songs, reading about my fave characters and their shenanigans... it all helps me feel okay about the world and safe enough to sleep. Sometimes, I feel a bit of dread after finishing an episode thinking about sleeping so I just listen to my music until I fall asleep.)

My routine involves me not sitting alone and thinking. It gets me worked up. I know like there are parts of ourselves and how we act that seem like a mystery. I honestly think talking about what you do, searching for the reasons why, going to therapy, researching, learning different ways to think and work through how to live your life in a way that cares for you... that’s the way to work through it.

That’s learning how to live life for you, balancing out the weird negative crap that you’ve held onto that your brother or friend or coworker doesn’t but you do and now you’re trying to like deal.

I’m sorry if the way I’m explaining this doesn’t sound as burdened by the existential dread and weight of an unceasing depression. I guess I’m in a different spot but still wanna talk.

In the past, I felt bigger during the night. Like all the sudden there’s all this room for me to be who I really am and express myself without limitations. It’s quiet. It’s alluring. I can feel how I want to feel and not hide it. It’s this false sense of a good time. I make worse decisions. I think after all this time I’ve finally realized that nighttime me has been trying to make up for all the disappointments of my daytime. Like trying to acknowledge the bad feelings? (Alone? Lol no child). Or try to chase the bad feelings away? To forget? Also, with the whole depression thing, I think I spent a lot of my time waiting around to die or just expecting it in this hopeless oblivion. I’d stay up because I wouldn’t want to deal with those moments waiting for sleep and then I’d pass out and sleep for 12 hours or not sleep at all.

I know it’s hard but imagine a little kid or toddler. You wouldn’t let them watch a thriller movie before bed or a traumatic event in history documentary. Because you have to watch out for little ones and their dreams. It’s the same way for you too, even though you’re a very grown grown up big person. Look out for your dreams. Bring something bright to remind you and ease you into your needed rest.

I think it’s a combination of:

1. mindfulness - recognizing the bad thought, letting it pass, and not holding onto it. Don’t obsess. Don’t go down the rabbit trail and let the negativity build upon itself.

2. Being kind to yourself now and in the future - it’s okay that I’m thinking this, it’s okay to feel bad even though I don’t want to, I am human, but I’m not going to let these feelings rule my life, I am going to feel them and they are a part of who I am and how I experience the world around me, but I don’t want to allow my perspective to spiral in ways that can hurt me.

3. Actions - I am going to choose to try XYZ. To take the melatonin. To do an adult coloring book. To lay out my outfit for the next day to keep myself accountable to choose to sleep because tomorrow is a new day that will be better. I am going to listen to a happy or upbeat or calming song before I go to bed that makes me smile. Or a kids movie that warms my heart. Or write 3 things I loved about my day on this little journal I keep at my nightstand.

Idk. If it’s too late, then it’s kind of too hard to fight against every bad thought. It’s like a constant self lecture that you’re tired of and not quite sure if you believe it. I’d recommend actually trying to do something different to help and then coming back to this post in a few days and let us know how it’s going.

Anyways. Those are my thoughts about it. I’m still figuring all this out myself and different things work for different people. I hope you find yours.

All the best. Sweet dreams.

💕💕💕

[Caseopia]

I totally understand. This happens to me also. I call it freight train brain. When I try to sleep I get so depressed and not intentionally, but I ruminate. Tonight I couldn't sleep. I get awful night terrors. so I decided to try to draw and write which I usually don't write. It kept my mind focused on a certain point and not getting haunted by my thoughts and sadness. I'm glad you posted this. My doctor just put me on a medicine to c as lm me down and help me sleep but he put me on it three times a day. So now I'm always sleeping and that is the worst time for me mentally. I chose not to take it 3x yedterday/last night per the suggestion of my pharmacist. Hence why I'm awake. Just know you're not alone.

[wolfy88]

Yes, true !

I’ve experienced it too....

When the night comes, it causes strong association with depressed feeling...

And sometimes it feels like traumatic event....

Hope you have a good night sleep !

[Survivor4Ever]

I hope this helps ........Sometimes, when I am sleep deprived (don’t get enough) that stuff make my moods worse( fluctuate) . Also when a thought comes to your mind even if you don’t think it applies or not just follow it through and see how and why does this bothering me helps me

[80plus]

Problems always seem worse at night. It's like being ill as well. You can feel fairly well during the day but begin to feel ill again at night.

Just accept that this is how it is and know that when the daylight comes you will begin to feel that much better.

[Befus]

That “feeling” comes over me often. Always in the evening I find payer or speaking directly to your higher power works. Just would like to not experience it at all.

[Survivor4Ever]

Maybe at night or evening write down” I am not my thoughts” a couple times practice saying that for days like these. Food for thought

[Hidden]

Happens to me too

[Justagirl23]

It gives me a feeling of not being alone when I read the replies. Thanks for all the advices. And for the ones that experience the same; the next day it’s better. We may not see it at that point, we may fee down but we will fall asleep and wake up to a new opportunity. Maybe if we focus on that it slowly gets a little better.

[Capstone]

It happens to me too, what's the way out of it please.