I have a problem that everyone I reach out to says "that's not what we do" and I'm terrified about it.
Backstory: About 20 years ago, I stopped being able to walk or stand most of the time because of pain. I couldn't care for myself. I needed my husband to feed me, but he was not up to it. My weight dropped until I reached near 91 pounds, and when I looked in the mirror I knew I was going to die. (But I didn't - ha, ha.)
Present time: I am terrified even thinking of feeding myself. I have not done it successfully in twenty years. Two issues, (1) bad pain standing and walking (2) extreme TRAUMA even thinking about planning or making myself a meal, or eating a meal alone.
I have reached out to a local eating disorder clinic and that's not what they do. They referred me to another clinic, not local, supposed to be one of the best in the country. The woman in admissions I spoke to was as cold as an iceberg and just said no.
My husband has decided in the very near future to stop visiting me regularly and to either stop making me dinners, or to make them just once or twice a week. He wants to get on with his new life as soon as the pandemic lets him get out and move in with his girlfriend who agrees with him that to visit me daily is OUT. ("Even if she didn't mind, I still would not be willing to see you every day.")
I have no family. I have no friends. Currently living in Gehenna.
Please no "tough" for my own good. Advice appreciated. Kindness much appreciated.