I have this problem where the past kind of haunts me. I randomly remember things that I've done and it kills me. Because I remember things and I judge myself and feel like I can't escape the past.
Anyways, this past few weeks I've been doing better and this problem became less irritating I could say. I didn't have these random thoughts so often and I've been trying to control myself. It's going quite ok but still there are times and times you know.
But right this moment I started reading a book. And the author who is 85 has flashbacks of moments from over 70 years ago and feels bad about things that he's done so long ago. And this thing blew my mind like is there really no hope for eliminating this thing from my life?? Will it always be like this? I'm quite in shock at the moment.
This flashback thing is really affecting me usually as it makes me depressed and anxious and even kills my almost non existent self confidence. So the things I've done are quite a burden for me. And they're not I don't know what things. Random stuf like something that I said and felt like people saw me some kind of way because of that, some things that I've done when I was drunk or whatever. So no heavy stuff, just things that I ve been overthinking and now randomly come in my mind and make me overthink them again.
I 'd like to think that this will go away but if this psychiatrist didn't get rid of it in 85 years of life guess there's not much chance for me either.
Do any of you have this same problem? What do you think about this?
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Confused000
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Thanks for posting this. I constantly think like that too and it just occurred to me that maybe as soon as the thought comes I will say “stop” and I won’t pay any attention but move on quickly. I’ll tell myself it was long ago and now is what matters. I hope we both have some luck with the problem.
Well I tried to "create" some coping mechanisms that could help me with this.
At first I tried avoiding the thoughts; that didn't really work. Then I thought that in order to get rid of this problem, I have to get to it's core. So I started trying to accept myself, my past, to love myself and this kind of things, and meditation helped. So now when I get these random thoughts, instead of commanding my mind to stop them, I try to solve the problem for that particular situation. Like I think about how it affects me and why and try to accept it and get over with it, make peace with it so that if I happen to get this thought again it won't affect me anymore. Because a lot of these thoughts are repetitive so maybe if I eliminate the issue for each situation individually, in time this will get to be less of a problem??
Still, there are times when I just tell my mind "stop" as well.
But anyways I think that the best way to decrease the power these flashbacks have over me is to be ok with myself. Like to be confident, to love myself, to accept myself, and also to be more present. I keep on telling myself motivational things so that they'll get imprinted on my mind and somehow help me.
I think that the past is really important though. Many say that the past is behind, this is a new day, the past doesn't matter, you are rewriting yourself each day blabla. But I think the past is really important, and as much as we'd hate to admit, we are our past. We are the sum of everything we've done until this very moment and there's no chance that can be taken away, deleted. But still we shouldn't give it attention like that. We should aknowledge it for what it is but not go back looking through memories. Because even though we are our past, that's not all that we are. So we should live in the present, making the most of it, not thinking of the past because we have indeed the chance to change things and become different persons, but still that won't erase the past. So idk just live now but accept the past because you can't change it but you can change what happens from now on.
I think this sounds like I'm saying what everyone should and should not do but it's just my opinion and I guess I'm not very good at expressing my thoughts.
Think I've left a bit the subject but felt the need to say that last part as it's been in my mind for some time.
Beautiful ideas... I really think you’ve got it and I will take your advice. I love how you say yo get to the root of where the thoughts stem from. I just love the accepting self and through meditation.
How do you think are good ways of accepting self? Like using affirmation and use compassionate self talk?
Well I know that accepting yourself should be accepting your present form like the way you are right now but I kind of combine accepting myself with improving myself. Also these are things I do, doesn't mean they work for everyone.
I started this journey of healing because I got to this really low point once again and felt like this was my last chance to change my life.
Because I got to a very low place so many times and tried to pull myself back up but in time still ended up where I came from. So this time I was so tired of everything but decided that if I don't do something now..
So for me this started suddenly, like got out of bed the next day and told myself "I'm doing this. I am going to be ok and I'll work hard for it."
Yeah so accepting myself is a big part of my healing process. Firstly, meditation really helps. I started with guided meditation and this really helped me, opend up my eyes. Now I meditate just with some background tibetan/healing music and from time to time I tell myself motivational things during meditation. Also I have post it notes on my desk with things written on them to remind me to stay on this right path. Because I do believe in the power of suggestion and I think that having these written and seeing them so often will help imprint them on my mind I guess.
Also, when I get negative thoughts I try to work them out and not condemn myself for so many things because I'm human and it's normal to feel some kind of way, to make mistakes and so on.
One thing that was really stopping me from accepting myself is that I was feeling like I'm the only one feeling like this. The only one overthinking, not knowing myself, feeling so low and out of energy, seeing things the way I do. It felt like everybody was so different. And someone told me something quite harsh: "your problem is that you consider yourself too special and you're not". And it sounded really hurtful but you know what, it is true. I mean we are indeed all unique and special in our own way but I felt special, different, for all the wrong reasons. Because there are so many people going through the same things. So this was a start for me in accepting myself I think, knowing that it's normal.
I do accept* the way I am, at least I'm trying to, but I also try to control myself, my thoughts. It's something like I'm trying to accept myself while also trying to create this version of myself that I'm ok with, that brings me peace I guess. And it's not like I'm changing myself so it would be easier to accept myself. I'm trying to make changes so that I can live joyfully, in happiness, in peace.
Also I don't really know how it would work to only focus on accepting yourself. I mean for me it is part of a more complex process. So it goes hand in hand with self love and self knowing. So I think that in order to be able to accept yourself you have to love and get to know yourself.
Or at least it's easier like this.
Though I still think there can't be self acceptance without self love.
So you should have compassion for yourself but in a realistic way. I mean don't be too harsh on yourself but neither too easy I guess. So be aware of what you do wrong but don't condemn yourself for it.
Affirmations do help as well but you have to truly believe in them in order for them to have any effect.
Sorry for this long response.
I think that you can get to accept yourself through many ways like meditation, mindfulness, awareness, affirmations, reading books for self improving, sticking motivational quotes all over your wall etc. But the most important thing is to believe these things truly. So if you tell yourself: I accept myself, say it with all your heart. I read these daily teachings from the secret every morning and they're mostly in connexion with the universal law of attraction. And one of these teachings was saying how you should tell things about yourself as they were already true. So even if you didn't get to that point where you can say that you truly love and accept yourself, say these things like you are already there. I guess this could be in corelation with the power of suggestion as well. But I think these things do work with the specification that you have faith and believe in them.
Ok and the last thing. It took so many years to create this version of ourselves, so it is going to take some more years to uncreate some of our behavioural patterns. So you should be aware that acceptance won't come overnight, in a week or a month. It's a continious process. You just have to be patient, persevere, and you will get there in time.
Sorry for this long response. Hope that at least you find something from here useful.
*I just want to note that I'm totally not truly accepting myself yet. Just started out this process but I do believe I can make it and these are just some things that I do.
Hope you have a beautiful, joyful life!
This last part is just if you want to see some "quotes" that I tell myself:
•We have enough in life against us already, don't be against yourself.
•One thing at a time.
•Never say negative things about yourself!
•You have one life as you are. Make the most of it.
•The only person you are competing against is you.
•No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
I feel the same I’m giving myself the chance to be healthier and change my life for the better. I am also trying to take control of my thoughts lately. I will work on saying I do now love and accept myself. Thanks for the quotes andeach word you shared with me. I’m grateful. (((((((((Big hug)))))))))
Hi, No. Thru therapy, I learnt to like, love and respect myself. I also learnt we ALL make mistakes, thing to do is to learn from them and move on. I also learnt that what is in the past it is in the past, we cannot go back and change any of it, so leave it alone. When the thoughts come in your head, take your little school crossing guard out with his big red STOP sign, and do just that, stop it and let it go, throw it in a compost heap, burn it, it is only old rubbish, do not keep old rubbish in your head. It is like the garbage in your kitchen, you take it out and get rid of it. You can do it, I did, it will take a little practice, but let me tell you the feeling of freedom is wonderful. I learnt over 30 years ago to live in the moment, it is wonderful, yesterday is gone, so is this morning, this evening has not got here yet, I just enjoy my day as it rolls out, and I am happy from am to pm. I wish you well, send you love, strength & virtual hugs.....Sprinkle 1....
Hi, thank you for your answer. I am trying to live in the present as well. Trying to love and accept myself.
I do this thing where I tell my mind to just stop those thoughts and it does help but still I questioned whether this would really help solving the problem for the long run. And of course it would because practice makes it better so in time you probably get used to this and don't need effort to stop your thoughts anymore. But I thought that maybe if when I get those thoughts I try to deal and make peace with them, not only I'll get rid of one more issue each time (as most of the thoughts are repetitive) but also get to accept myself more. So when I get these thoughts I try to accept them so that if I happen to have them again they won't affect me anymore.
I do understand this perspective that there is no point in keeping all this rubbish in you head but I find the past to be quite important. I mean no matter what, I am still my past. Who I am now is the sum of all those past moments, of all the things that I've done. So the past is part of me and I think that rather than denying it, the best thing I can do is make peace with it so that I can live in the present without being burdened by what I did in the past.
I don't know if this makes total sense but it's my opinion at the moment and I say at the moment because I tend to change what I think quite often usually because I keep on realising things and and evolving my mind and so on.
I have experienced deep regrets in my life. It got so bad in 2018 that I became suicidal and entered a partial hospitalization program. The therapist had me write down what was going on in my life at the time of the regrettable actions and my mental state at the time. After doing that I was able to have compassion for myself and realize that I was doing the best that I could at the time. I have tried to make amends to those I have harmed and also try to live my amends by changing my behavior. The bottom line for me is that i will never be perfect and I try to accept myself today. I still have “regret attacks” but I try to recognize them and counter them with self compassion and acceptance. One day at a time. I hope you give yourself grace for being human. Humans make mistakes. And we’re humans.
I am trying to make amends too, trying to accept and love myself. And now I'm trying to accept the fact that maybe I won't be able to truly get rid of this habit, but what I can do is diminish its power over me. And that's exactly what I keep on telling myself: " one day at a time". Just live in the present, that's what I'm trying to do.
To be honest I never knew the cause of my depression. Never had an answer for what caused it. But I think this deep regret issue was quite a big part of it.
I think I'm doing better when it comes to depression though. The mental "simptoms" are quite fading and about the physical ones I don't know what to say but they are improving for sure.
Thank you for your words, wish you peace and happiness.
These are normal because it has led to regret in your life. To stop them first forgive yourself! God forgives you all you need do is ask for forgiveness. A lot go away with this action if you can accept no matter what you have done God forgives you as do a lot of us. We do not need to know what you did all you need to do is God, We of this group and you forgive you. I went through years of this and every time I get rid of three regrets 1 more shows up. Just remember God loves you and all you need to do is ask for forgiveness. There is no pretest and no things you have to do after he died for every single thing you regret!
Thank you for your answer. I think that forgiving yourself and making peace with your past is really important in the healing process and in being ok in general. It's something I'm trying to do now, accept myself.
I do believe in God but also in the Universe and give spirituality a great importance but sometimes I feel like there's this difference between religion and this other side of spirituality that makes it hard for me to deal with both.
But anyways, that's a subject for other times.
Thank you so much again for your words, they do help a lot.
I am currently am experiencing the same thing. I feel regret, remorse, shame and embarrasment and I remember the abuse and trauma I experienced in childhood. It comes and goes. I understand more about it now and that helps me have compassion for myself
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. It's quite a hard thing to deal with.
I'm trying to manage it but you know, the thoughts keep coming at times. I've gotten kind of used to this happening I guess but it's still affecting me. So what I chose to do is accept myself and love myself more and more everyday and also make peace with my past. I kept saying this in my responses to other comments on this post but I do believe that the past is a big part of us so rather than just putting a stop to my thoughts I think that making peace with them so that when they pop up in my mind won't affect me, would be a better thing to combat this problem.
I think that everything comes from within and that the most important things you can do for yourself in life are to love and accept yourself. And things will get better. Also, one day at a time. It takes time to get better, just focus on feeling better now, in the present.
Also I tell myself things like they were already true even if they are far from it, because I kind of do believe in the law of attraction, so I just tell myself "I love myself, I accept myself, I am happy, I am strong" and positive stuff like this. And if you truly believe these things I think they can have great results.
I really hope you get to be better, and wish you peace and happiness. I am trying to get better myself and I try to stick to the thought that I truly believe I will get better, things will get better.
Yes, trauma and PTSD are real things that cause flashbacks and then causes us to be in intense emotional distress.
I’ve done years and years of therapy, but nothing worked. Until I was sent to an EMDR therapist. It helped the flashbacks, and the intense emotional distress. If I do happen to have a flashback now, I am not as distressed. I am now able to process in many other ways.
At first, when the therapist told me what EMDR was, I laughed. Hard. I was thinking there is no freakin way that following a light bar, and hearing beeps could ever help me. I would laugh during therapy for up to a year. Then, finally, I realized how much it worked and how much progress I had made. Sometimes we can make so much progress, but not notice because we are depressed or anxious and thinking of the future and what it should look like. But it has literally changed my life. I am so grateful that counselor let me laugh at her while she was explaining her passion/profession to me.
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