Hey everyone, I have been a member here for a long time but never posted. I tend to have trouble validating my own issues while always trying to help other people.
I have been on and off heroin or medical substitutes for the last 10 years , I have 2 small kids and a job (before the coronavirus anyway) so if managed to have some degree of control on my life.
But at the moment I am sick of everything life just seems hard. Everyday seems a struggle, mentally , physically, emotionally I've had enough.
Maybe I feel this way because of the being stuck indoors but I've actually been feeling like if I didn't have kids I'd just kill myself.
I wanna move on from this life and find out what's next because this life has been nothing but disappointment.
But I would never do that to my boys so no one needs to persuade m not to I guess I just want someone to talk to I anything??
Thanks nelly x
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Lostsoulnelly89
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I’m in recovery, just celebrated a year. I understand how you feel, I have two small kids too but mine are with my ex because I’m too depressed to take care of them.
It sounds like you’re struggling, I’m sorry, it sucks. Have you tried some online NA/AA meetings? I find them very helpful especially when I feel like crap.
Do you have friends or family or any type of support at all?
I know life can be disappointing, I feel the same way because I’m so down but you need to understand that it’s not your fault. Addiction and mental illness are diseases and a lot of times we suffer in silence.
Just this week I wanted to end it all too but like you, I couldn’t do it to my kids but I am no good to them when I’m sick so I’m trying really really hard to get better and if I don’t love myself enough to do it for me, I do it for them.
I can’t even imagine what getting off heroin is like, alcohol for me was hard enough but since getting sober and apart from depression, I love being sober. Life is just better.
Hey I wasn't expecting a reply at all I thought people would see addict and especially heroin and think of you brought it on yourself. I wanted to be transparent and completely honest here because there are so many times in my life I have to hide all my problems and issues.
I have a great family two sisters who I am very close with, a mother who is an ex addict clean for 7 years now working in mental health for the criminally insane so she has done really well for herself.
I also have a few close friends and family but I live an hour bus ride away and in the UK we are all on lock down anyway so I think that's probably why I'm feeling worse than usual.
I think this website could be a good resource for me and I am very grateful for the reply.
I tried na on person a few years ago but now I have kids age 3 and 5 i can't really do anything like that in person, online is a great idea though thank you.
Oh there are lots of people here struggling....and statistically 1 in 3 people who are struggling with the disease of addiction, also have depression. So for a lot of us it has been a vicious circle. I drank mostly, but had my experiences with drugs, coke mostly. I did drugs to try and get away from my depression and memories of child abuse, but drank mostly, alcohol is a depressant, and with using, its the down side of coming down that put me in a deep depression, so it was an oxymoron. I also did a lot of AA and some NA, but they are both very similar. I also did group therapy and one on one to deal with the trauma and depression for when you’re sober and clean, all the demons come back and that’s what we have to deal head on with. Once you get past the using part of it, it’s all the mental stuff that makes you want to drink and use again…..so it’s critical to get help.
Congrats on your sobriety, that’s awesome. The online meetings are great, you should definitely check them out. I’m really happy to hear you have support and remember, you are not alone.
Back at ya Irish...one day at a time....no tomorrows yet, and the yesterday has passed...it's a great way to live my friend, I don't miss any of the horror, loss, and hangovers that drinking brought to me in my life. We just can't drink....and with a whole world of wonderful things in life....ain't it grand that now we can see them clearly.
Are you still taking drugs in the home environment. If you are you will need help to withdraw from what you are taking, your Doctor should be able to introduce you to a Service that can help.
If you are even weening yourself of these drug it is best the reduction is done in the correct way
Thank you I haven't used heroin in over a year and when I did I relapsed for less than a week. I am on a very low dose of methadone and am literally reducing it like 2mls every month I'm down to 32mls daily now.
I want to get of it because I'm 30 now and can get away with not looking like an addict but I don't want to get to the point were I look like a heroin addict to the point that my children will be embarrassed and people will know.
My drug use is under control, I can't loose my children they are the light of my life. I lost my eldest son when I was 19 to my drug addiction he is severely disabled blind, wheelchair, non verbal i had him age 16 and it was hard caring for myself let alone him.
It's more emotionally that I am struggling right now.
I need to find another way to cope perhaps speaking to others could be like therapy for me.
I'll tell you for myself....I needed daily support from others who understand addiction....we just can't do it alone my friend. Please get yourself into a routine of working some kind of program that gives you daily structure and also people to call when your feeling like your slipping. It's so hard for us to try and reach out....but this will save your life.
Na narcotics anonymous. Clovis has us all staying at home but attending in person works best.
I was a garbage can. Anything and everything to stay high. J.b. corn was the easiest to your hands on. Check out neveraloneclub.org online meetings text and video.
In person worked very well prior to covid. Overt 30 users clean.
In NA back in the day mostly members helped someone go through the process to keep authorities and others out of their persons business. It's why they call it anonymous. But I have mixed feelings about not having a professional involved in case someone they had seizures or even more serious reactions…I’d suggest a professional rehab clinic, or a doctor in the recovery program who understands.
Hi Nelly,It’s good to hear you’re trying so hard to come off drugs.Being isolated just now is making most people feel worse.I just wanted to say, keep on fighting as it’s not worth giving in.I know as I’ve lost my son 8 months ago.It was suicide but the reason behind it was drugs.He did have drug and alcohol crisis team out to his home....they wouldn’t admit him to hospital,a few hours later he jumped off a building and ended it.So please,please try and get clean.The devastation he has left is unbearable,I feel I’ve failed him.
I've been in recovery for 13 years from cocaine and alcohol. Have had 2 two drink slips in the past 13 years. When I got out of treatment, everybody was happy because now my mental health would come back, my family, friends, psychiatrist, every body. In the entire time I was using, I was inpatient psychiatric once. Since being in recovery I have been hospitalized 14 times for depression and nervous breakdowns. I threw myself into AA and have been to over 1200 meetings, carried the message, sponsored other men and so on. This is not a slam on AA and I would highly encourage you to get an AA/NA homegroup and get involved. For me, however, the steps, the program, the fellowship doesn't treat my depression. Unfortunately for me, nothing has, but I'm just one of the unlucky 20% of people who are non-responders. I have always treated my addiction/alcoholism separately. Some one else mentioned that 1/3 of people who have addiction/alcohol problems have an underlying untreated mental illness, which in my experience is misunderstood by most in AA/NA. If you haven't already, I would strongly suggest that you seek out a psychiatrist or therapist about your mood. Many of us were simply self-medicating, and when you take the self-medication away, sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. Congratulations on your sobriety by the way. Give yourself credit for maintaining it even though your mood is low. Many people in your situation would have relapsed by now. You just need to take the next steps. Best Wishes.
Hi there, you're not alone. I've been in recovery for a year now, but because of this pandemic going on, it's been so hard to control myself. I have a kid, so I have something to live for and something that helps me whenever I break down. I also have an individually tailored recovery care plan from abbeycarefoundation.com/her... so I know that someone's keeping an eye on me, so I'm not going through this alone. This is very helpful, really, it gave me a lot of psychological support, especially during the lockdown, and I truly recommend this to you, you'll feel more confident, and you'll feel like you can move on despite everything.
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Is any one else Childless and going through this?
This is why I never had children, and I sadly guess I never will.
One amazing day 😍😛
I don't know what else to do.
Can any one see me? 
