How to start loving myself?

[WhitePumkin]

Hi I am n 18 year old female and I am new on the site.I feel very low , I feel a lot of self-haterd in myself. I don't feel good enough,or pretty enough, or skinny enough.I know a lot of people feel this way but it is really taking its toll on me and my life. It also makes my anxiety worse and I don't wanna go out anymore I am scared my old school mates will see me as a disappointment and think what happend to me , or "why did she get so fat?".I know I shouldn't stress and think about it but is so hard to keep myself from going to that dark space. So I guess my question is how to like myself more or how do I keep myself from thinking bad about myself ?

[kenster1]

hi just keep telling yourself each day that you are beautiful and you will start believing it.never mind what your friends think its not there opinion that counts and if was true friends then they should never be talking you down.

[WhitePumkin in reply to kenster1]

Thanks for the fast reply, I take your advice to heart. It just feels good just get my feelings out and somebody actually replies. I am more hopeful and I think I should cut out the toxic poeple who makes me feel bad about myself . I will keep my real friends and family, who loves me , close.

[Agora1]

Hi WhitePumkin, Welcome to this great support forum. We will help you turn those

thoughts around about yourself. We all are unique in our own personal way. If we all

looked alike and thought alike, it would be a dull world. 18y.o. is a time when we want to

fit in that we are willing to give up our identity in order to be accepted. We should never

try to become who others want us to be.

Only with time and maturity will you find who you really are and learn to love yourself

for that. Right now, focus on your good qualities, focus on the positive things in your life

such as the love of your family and your true friends. Keep the negative people out of your

life. You don't need them, believe me.

You've taken the first positive step forward by sharing your thoughts with us. This is a

caring, nonjudgmental group of people of all ages who have either gone through this or

are going through it now. By sharing our journey together, we learn through others.

I'm so glad you are here with us. xx

[Hidden]

listen i fell the same way as you do..like im not good enough like everything that i do is wrong and there is no cure for that there is only hope i wish you all the luck in this world dont listen to anyone we can talk more if you want to i will listen to your problems good luck

[Pastelpurple]

Unfortunately it’s Only you that change your thinking so try to rewire your thought process, perhaps try changing different negative habits in your life or try a new routine that you like, maybe try reading an inspirational book or listen to ted talks, work out, write down how u feel in the moment and then look back on it later, spend less time on social media (if ur on it a lot) little things like that could lead to life changing mindsets, you just have to really push ur self out of that mentality and learn to accept the things u can’t change, it’s really difficult but it’s a challenge to ur mind u have to believe in yourself I struggle with the same thing, eventually u reach the points where your tired of your own mental thinking and it’s draining but this is one life we got and u have to ask your self if ur either going to live a miserable life because of things u can’t change or chose to rewire ur mind and be happy for who u are and be well and healthy, hope this helps (: and remember your beautiful and worthy

[Hidden]

There is no one way to finding self love, some people can talk themselves into it, some people write down a list of the things they like about themselves and read it everyday and some people need therapy and maybe some medication. It probably won't happen overnight and you may need to try different avenues but committing to working on yourself and sticking to it is the first step.

[jujubeezz]

Hi WhitePumkin,

I am a 56 year old woman that has spent my life thinking and feeling this way. At one time I weighed 325 lbs. so I had weight loss surgery. Over the years I have gone down in weight and up. Currently I can now wear a size 4 and last September I had skin removal surgery, and for the first time I have a flat stomach.

The reason I tell you all this is what I have learned over time is. Yes people say and or look at you crazy when you gain weight. Consider the source, should you even really concern yourself with that ?People will notice when you look better and say nice things but that goes away quick.

I’ve learned that no one can make me love myself just by saying nice things. I’m not the number on the scale or the size of my jeans. If someone didn’t like me I could blame my weight. Now that I’m thinner the same people that loved than love me now and the same people that didn’t like still don’t. For me fat separated me from the world instead of dealing with why I was fat. Childhood abuse, death of my mother,rape etc.

So what I would tell my 18 year old self is figure out the real pain behind all that and figure out how your going to deal with it head on. Once you see that you can deal with your feelings you will feel better about yourself. Don’t waste you whole life on the weight, life’s too short.

Take care

[Sid_Arthur]

Hi Ms WP,

Here's one (almost?) eternal, absolute TRUTH: Self-blame, or even self-pity - in their various forms - will be UNLIKELY to help at all !

There's more information about IDENTIFYING these and dealing with them in straight forward ways in Paul Hauck's (short, old) book "Overcoming Depression": plenty of pre-owned copies available online ( - even tho' delivery may be somewhat delayed at this unprecedented time. Or, find the basics of the ideas by this very experienced psychologist/therapist online perhaps ?).

Then , consider working through some of his many other titles in the Sheldon Press (self-help) series. These tried & tested ways of thinking, doing & LIVING have and can transform the MISERY of life ( - we can ALL create) . . . . . . to one of considerable ACCEPTANCE of all things as they are !

LEARNING to accept all things as they are, & NOT allowing things to cause you UNNECESSARY distress takes a little reading, understanding and applying these fairly simple IDEAS in your own life, at your own pace.

Follow the above pointer - & decide for yourself how well it can work for you !

YES you CAN, Ms WP, . . . . . . yes, you CAN ! ! ! ;~)

Best wishes,

Sid ;~)

Sun 29 March 2020

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[Philjc]

Imagine in 5 years time, you go to the school reunion, you are single, you've ditched the weight and you have a full face of the best makeup, and wow! You are so full of confidence and stories of your life struggles so far.

All the girls who were supposedly superior to you today are married, with saggy bodies because they've popped out a couple of kids, they've had to get a babysitter in because their husbands have screwed around, they can't get a date, or a snog, because all the guys are stunned by you.

What you look like today is transient, but what you cultivate for the future is in your power.

Further, I once had a pretty girlfriend, but she was so ugly on the inside, everyone called her the witch.

Don't know where she is now but she's not making my life a misery.x